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Dick & VJ in “Brazil”

by John Rodat on February 16, 2011

Narrator: Limber of limb, stout of heart, pure of intention and mind, our heros roam the globe with their wise and sober mentor. In an era of vacuous pass-times, salacious entertainments and morally dubious diversions, harken back to a simpler, more hygienic era in The Adventures of Dick & VJ!
THEME MUSIC swells.

Narrator (con’t, in a slightly lower tone): The Adventures of Dick & VJ are made possible by generous underwriting from the Monsanto, Dow Chemical, Johnson & Johnson, and Church & Dwight companies.
INT. THEATER/AUDITORIUM

The on-stage scene is the main sitting area of the AIRSHIP JACQUES CHAPEAU, the dirigible headquarters of our heroes DICK, VJ and THE DOCTOR. It’s equal parts laboratory, tree house, and rec room. It has a retro-futuristic feel: It’s Victorian, with brass fixtures and velvet, but it’s the Victoriana of H.G. Wells and Jules Verne—with a wacky modern element, as well. Old-fashioned telescopes, astrolabes, globes, taxidermy animals, etc., are paired with oscilloscopes, reel-to-reel machines, lava lamps, a disco ball and obscure blinking consoles.

DICK and THE DOCTOR are on stage talking. DICK is wearing a close-fitting tan coverall, large furry boots and a purple crash helmet. The fact that the helmet is visor less allows us to see that he has only one good eye; the other is covered with a patch. He is pacing, fidgeting, fussing with things and fumbling -his usual state. THE DOCTOR – in standard professorial/ scientist garb: white lab coat over tweedy suit and bow tie – is seated calmly, reading, taking notes.

DICK: What time is it, Doc?

DOCTOR: It’s three minutes later than the last time you asked, Dick.

DICK: Gosh, sometimes three minutes can seem like an hour to me.

THE DOCTOR briefly stops his note taking and looks at DICK.

DOCTOR: We do need to do something about that.

DICK: When is VJ going to be back? I’m going crazy, all cooped up in here.

DOCTOR: Think of something else. Like baseball.

DICK: I tried that. I even waxed my bat – twice. It doesn’t work. All I can think of is going on another adventure with VJ!

DOCTOR: She’ll be back soon enough. She just had something she wanted to do in preparation for the next adventure. Something special.

DICK: Oh, wonder what it could be.

DICK collapses into a chair beneath a cluttered shelf.

VJ (off stage): Hey! I’m back!

DICK: It’s about time! What took you so long?

VJ (off stage): I was just out getting ready for the next adventure.

DICK: Well, it sure took . . .

VJ enters. She is wearing her standard form-fitting, full-body, pink one-piece. There is a visible seam from throat to crotch. But Instead of her normal bulky, hooded floor-length fur coat, she’s wearing a shortened, tailored version. It hugs her frame, coming down to just her hip bones. She’s posing coquettishly, with one hand at her waist, the other behind her pearl crash helmet.

VJ: You like?

DICK blinks the one eye not covered by an eye patch a single time. He then stands from his chair suddenly, his own purple helmet crashing through the shelf above him, sending things flying. He falls to the floor in a faint.

VJ (con’t, in surprised explanation): The tailor wanted to go even shorter but I thought it would look too young!

END.