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Fragments From Two Guys With Prostheses

by John Rodat on December 7, 2011

 

Peg Leg

Aye, two score years adrift ’round the watery world, and not three amidst spent complete on dry land.

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

It was late summer of ‘05. Bummer, too: Ending up missing Trey’s first solo tour.

Peg Leg

A maw like perdition’s great gate, ’twere. A reckonless spread, to swallow all history’s ceaseless sin, and, yet, still—cruelest mercy!—the great gate rings shut and clips one sinner, one man, one mote.

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

Well, I was an engineer, you know? So, I knew a bit about torque, and I knew the materials. I mean, I wasn’t gonna cut through bone with a Leatherman!

Peg Leg

Left me a poor, pegging lubber for ever and a day, the beast did.

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

Well, I wouldn’t say adrenalin “addict,” no. But, yeah, I’d been in close situations before. Survived an avalanche out near A-Basin once. Oh, and Gener’s pre-moe.down party! I made it through that. So, yeah, I guess I’m a risk taker!

Peg Leg

Aye, ’tis carved from ivory jaw, white as the fresh-shorn wool of our Nantucket sheep, white as my turbid wake, white as the massy form—the elusive form—that is my lance’s only home.

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

Yeah, check it: The wrist’ll rotate 360 degrees! I did this on The Late Show! He freaked.

Peg Leg

To be prophet and fulfiller one. To dismember my dismemberer.

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

I do really get a kick out of talking to the kids. First thing I tell ’em is, “Always leave a note!” Plus, I’ve still got one more high peak to do in a nighttime solo climb.

Peg Leg

Is money to be the measurer?! Accountants may gird the globe with guineas; My vengeance will fetch a great premium within my own maimed measure!

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

Well, I put a lot of it back into my foundation, but I usually, ballpark, about $20K to $25K a speech.

Peg Leg

My marital pillow has but the slightest dent; wed not till 40, and not but the one night ashore with my young girl-wife.

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

Well, yeah, actually. I’m dating a physical therapist. She’s cool. Sick mountain biker, too.

Peg Leg

Who is over me? Truth hath no confines! I would strike the sun if it insulted me!

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

Honestly, though, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. In a way, I was born that day.

Peg Leg

But, soft, no matter! Drink and pass, drink and pass! Long draughts—short swallows! Well done, almost drained!

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

You want one? It’s Magic Hat.

Peg Leg

So, can ye keep a sharp eye, and a sharp lance?

Transhumeral Myoelectric U3+

So, dude, have you done any climbing? Eh, you know what? Fuck it. Doesn’t matter. You would totally dig it. We should do this!