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I’ve
been in a relationship with a wonderful man for four months.
He treats me better than anyone I’ve ever been with. (I’m
29.) The problem? I’m very adventurous sexually. I’m a freaky
girl. I like to be spanked, choked, fisted, and I’m into anal
sex. He’s a straight-laced officer in the armed forces, and
while the sex we have is great, he refuses to indulge me in
even one of the previously mentioned activities. As a result,
in the past month or so I’ve had three flings with other men
in order to get those needs met. I care deeply for him and
hate the fact that I’m cheating, but feel that he is letting
me down as far as the give and take goes. I’ve made my desires
known to him repeatedly. He told me not to ask anymore because
the answer will always be no. My question is, should I try
and subtly clue him in to the fact that he’s driving me to
other men with his hang-ups? Is there a solution to this that
doesn’t involve infidelity?
—Woman
In Trouble Loves Earnest Straight Soldier
You
no doubt brought this problem to me, WITLESS, because you
expected I would sym- pathize with you. My feelings about
monogamy are well known (I’m not a fan), and if there’s a
more choke-, spank-, fist-, and buttfuck-positive advice columnist
out there I’d like to meet, choke, spank, fist, and fuck him.
I’ve also urged people who refuse to indulge their partners’
kinks to either give ’em permission to explore their kinks
with others or reconcile themselves to being cheated on.
However!
Your boyfriend’s refusal to indulge all of your kinks, WITLESS,
doesn’t excuse your appalling behavior. Yes, a frustrated
kinkster is likely to cheat. But “he’s letting me down as
far as the give and take goes” is the most puh- fucking-thetic
rationalization for cheating that I’ve ever heard. My God,
WITLESS, you’ve only been with him for four months and you’ve
already cheated on him with three other men? An ethical kinkster
would have invested a little more time in a wonderful man
she claims to care deeply about before she started running
around on him.
“But
he’s told me not to ask again!” you cry. So he’s basically
said this to you: “If you loved me, you would stop asking
to be spanked, choked, fisted, buttfucked, etc.” The correct
response to that statement is not to start fucking other people
and then drop subtle clues that his hang-ups are compelling
you to be unfaithful. The correct response is this: “If you
loved me you would make some sort of effort to meet
my sexual needs!”
If that doesn’t move him, WITLESS, then an ethical kinkster
would say this to her wonderful man: “Look, sweetheart. If
you’re not going to indulge me, you’re going to need to give
me permission to do this stuff with other guys or we’re going
to need to break up so I can find a wonderful guy who isn’t
so sexually repressed. Pick one.”
I am a white, 21-year-old lesbian girl. My mom thought
my room was too messy recently and went in to clean it. She
found my “goodie bag,” and it contains some pretty darn good
goodies. Pot, pipes, a leather harness, assorted vibrators,
etc. It also contained my stash of big-black-cock-on-teenage-white-girl
DVDs. I may have made peace long ago with my odd fetish (nothing
illegal, no one underage), but my mother was scandalized.
She has loved me for many years as her lesbian daughter and
this was too much for her to take. She says she “doesn’t know
me anymore.” How do I deal with my mother?
—Lesbian
Utterly Stumped Today
How
do you deal with your mom, LUST? First you say, “Jesus Christ,
mom! Stay the fuck out of my room!” She wasn’t dusting the
inside of your goodie bag, LUST, she was snooping, and I’ve
got a message for your mom and all other snoopers out there:
When a snooper learns something disturbing about a snoopee,
the snooper has only herself to blame. If your mom absolutely
insists on discussing your taste in pornography, assure her
that a significant percentage of lesbians enjoy watching hetero
porn, and 100 percent of lesbians absolutely hate discussing
the subject with their mothers. If she presses you on the
subject, start asking her intrusive, inappropriate questions
about her sexual tastes.
And finally, LUST, you’re not a child. You’re a big grownup
dyke who’s into big-black-cock-on-little-legal-white-girl
porn. Maybe it’s time to move yourself, your goodie bag, and
your DVD collection out of your mother’s house.
I’m a 24-year-old male and I lost my virginity to my girlfriend
last year. She is three years younger than I am, but I am
the 10th man that she has fucked. This is not a problem with
me as I am not a jealous guy. What bothers me is that she
is unwilling to perform oral sex on me. I enjoy giving oral
to her. I am really in love with her and could see myself
marrying her but I need to be assured that I will get a blowjob
at some point in my life. She says she doesn’t like the taste
of semen, which makes me just the slightest bit jealous because
that means she has done this for other men but won’t do it
for me, a man whom she is ostensibly considering marrying.
—Been
Lost Oral Woman
Dump
her, BLOW. Sucking cock can no longer be regarded as some
sort of above-and-beyond-the-call indulgence. Blowjobs are
standard. Any make or model that doesn’t come with blowjobs
should be immediately returned to the showroom.
I am a GGG girlfriend, and I’m up for pretty much anything
my boyfriend wants to do. I also love giving head, and he
loves receiving it. But he will not reciprocate. We talked
about it, and he said he just doesn’t eat pussy. This really
bothers me, but should I just deal with it if I like him,
or is it a dump-worthy problem?
—Wanting
More
Dump
him, WM. Eating pussy can no longer be regarded as some sort
of above-and-beyond-the-call indulgence. Cunnilingus is standard.
Any make or model that doesn’t come with cunnilingus should
be immediately returned to the showroom.
I work in an office at the Texas House of Representatives.
Last week the house passed an amendment to the Child Protective
Services bill saying not only that gay people can’t be foster
parents, but also that if you already are a foster parent
and are discovered to be gay, your children will be taken
away from you. This week they passed a bill to amend the Texas
Constitution to invalidate any legal agreement similar to
marriage for same-sex couples.
Every day the Texas house opens its session with a prayer.
Representatives bring in pastors from their districts. The
prayers usually sound something like, “God knows what he wants
you to do today . . . let God guide you in your important
decisions. . . . ” I was wondering, if you were to write a
prayer invoking the name of God before the Texas House of
Representatives, what would you say?
—Gay
Government Employee
“Dear
God, deliver me from Texas.”
mail@savagelove.net
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