Readers: Just in time for Gay Pride, advice for 15 year-old
fags and dykes from grown up gays and lesbians . . .
Three words: high school ends. No matter how much life
sucks right now, it will get better. It’ll never be all rainbows
and happiness, but some day you’ll know, your family will
know, your friends will know. The people who really care about
you will stay with you, and you won’t think twice about putting
your name at the end of an e-mail like this.
I was a baby dyke, I would hang around the Gay/Lesbian and
Women’s Studies section of the local Barnes & Noble. If
you’re afraid of people staring at you (like I was), you can
always just turn around and look at whatever shelf is behind
be ashamed of being sexually inexperienced. It’s way hotter
than being prematurely slutty.
advice to young lesbians [and gay boys] would be to join a
local theater group. If you have no thespian tendencies, paint
sets or take tickets. The cast party is what matters anyway.
Most actors/actresses are at the very least bisexual by closing
night of any play. The downside: Actresses cry a lot, which
can be exhausting.
wish someone had told me at 15 that I could go for anything
in life. In my loneliness I assumed that all kinds of things
were off-limits to me: sports, fraternities, genuine friendships,
the possibility of raising kids. I shied away from potential
friends and mentors, and wrote off professions and cities
where I thought I wouldn’t be wanted. I missed so many opportunities.
Don’t assume that doors are closed to you just because you’re
queer. And when you come across the occasional one that really
is locked, kick the fucker down. It’s your world.
you live in a little town: Get the fuck out. Move to a big
city where there’re lots of people who are gay. You’ll have
more dating options, and people will treat you with more respect.
wish I’d known that I could someday grow up, fall in love,
get married (civilly united, whatever!) with my family in
attendance, and have kids with the woman of my dreams.
In The Desert
I was 15 I regularly got my dick sucked by men in the bathroom
of our mall in Christian suburbia. At the time I was like
a kid in a candy shop, shocked at my good fortune. I can only
imagine today, with the advent of the Internet and even easier
anonymous sex, that horny teenage boys have a virtual smorgasbord
of sex with strangers awaiting them at any time. But I implore
you not to do it. The resulting sexual compulsions, secretiveness,
double life, shame, inappropriate sexual boundaries, etc.,
that were created in my teens haunt me today at 36.
a 45-year-old black gay man and I hope not to come off preachy:
Please don’t imitate thugs and hard heads. They’re not real.
(I was lost like that and spent years incarcerated. Talk about
some bad hair days.) Learn to enjoy reading at night, because
there will be many nights when you will be alone. Being alone
and lonely are two totally different things. Neither one requires
that you go out and have sex with the first man who says “what
I was a very closeted and very kinky 15-year-old gay boy.
I came out as gay at 18, but not as kinky. I wasted years
having sex I didn’t enjoy because I was afraid of what my
friends would think. Three years ago, at age 26, I discovered
that one of the hottest guys I knew was just as kinky as I
was. If we had been more open we would’ve started dating—and
tying each other up!—a lot sooner. Now everyone knows we’re
kinky, no one cares, and some of our hottest friends have
come over to get tied up and see what the fuss is about!
Second Bedroom Is A Dungeon
And being kinky doesn’t mean you can’t find love! I did!
Tell your friends you’re gay. I never lost a friend because
I was gay, but I did hurt a few of my closest friends by keeping
it a secret from them. Not only do you need their support,
they need to feel that you trust them.
Stay away from older guys. No matter how lonely you feel,
how horny you get, or how hot they make you feel. It’s not
hot, it’s not a compliment. You’re not mature and sophisticated.
If you’re 15 and they’re over 20, they are just fucked up.
advice for 15-year-old gay boys: Make friends with gay men
of all ages. You can learn a lot from guys who’ve lived a
bit, whether it’s about sex, relationships, cooking, motorcycles,
or decorating your apartment. And unless you ask, the answer
is already “no.”
And Generously Experienced
you’re 15 and questioning, save yourself some angst and don’t
rule out “bi” and “none of the above” as options. I drove
myself crazy going back and forth between, “I can’t be gay
because I think girls are totally hot,” and, “But if I’m straight,
why do I want to make out with that guy?”
The View From The Fence
away from “questioning” guys. Their only question is this:
How can I get a blowjob without having to reciprocate? These
boys show up 15 years later with the same question.
Don’t date straight girls who claim to be bi! My first
two relationships were with straight girls, and I gave them
orgasm after orgasm, but never once received one in return.
By the time I dated another real lesbian, I had serious problems
allowing myself to be pleasured. Be warned: That straight
girl is never going to want to eat pussy, so don’t waste your
Have Known Better
advice for young bi girls: Don’t bother with lesbians. Find
other bi girls. It is no fun to be accused of being out screwing
some guy because you’re 15 minutes late. Find a nice bi girl
who can comprehend that just because you are capable of being
attracted to either sex doesn’t mean you’re incapable of monogamy.
best strategy for a teenage lesbian: Study hard and get good
grades, and apply to a good liberal arts college. Good grades
can open doors to a world of smart, fun, open-minded women
(read: action like you can’t imagine). Four years at Wellesley
were worth the debt.
Sexy & Solvent
you think a boy might be gay, there is a very good chance
that your gaydar has kicked in, and you should consider the
possibility of making a move if you’re sure the guy isn’t
going to go apeshit and beat you up. And condoms condoms
Queer at 25
more terrific advice for young queers at http://www.metroland.net/savageextra.html