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Background:
Not long ago, a certain woman went from being my brother’s
“fuck-buddy” to being his girlfriend. From what I can tell
she is GGG (or maybe he is) and they have a creative sex life.
I am in my mid-30s, my brother and his girlfriend are in their
early 40s.
So here I am, finding this woman very attractive. She’s
good-looking, smart, and very sexy. When we were all out together
this weekend, she put her hand on my arm, made positive comments
about my looks and, when we were crossing a busy street, she
held my hand. I know this just shows that she’s a warm, affectionate
person, but it affected me very strongly.
Would it be out of line for me to tell her I’m attracted to
her? Alternately, could I tell my brother that his girlfriend
is awesome? Or should I keep it to myself and fantasize?
—Lustful
Little Brother
Forgive
me, LLB, for what is bound to be sub-par advice.
In an effort to ensure that my son is as gay as a goose when
he grows up, my boyfriend and I bought season tickets to a
Major League Baseball franchise. When I was a kid I hated
going to ballgames with my dad and brothers—oh, the tedium!—but
my son loves ’em, so his gay dads go to ballgames. I actually
enjoy going now that I’m a grownup. The difference? Beer.
Unlike my grandparents, siblings, uncles, and cousins, however,
I drink in moderation, which at the ballpark works out to
one beer every other inning. Well, last night’s game went
into extra innings, so I had extra beers, and now I’m so hung-over
I can barely hold my head up. It hurts to think, and I probably
shouldn’t be operating a laptop in this condition but, hey,
deadlines are deadlines.
So your brother’s girlfriend holds your hand when you cross
the street. Hmm. That could mean she’s attracted to you, LLB,
or it could mean that she thinks you’re a ’tard who needs
help crossing the street. Combined with those other gestures—touching
you, paying you compliments—I’d guess it’s the former. So
what do you do? Well, gee. I dunno. What’s your brother like?
If he’s the jealous, violent type, you might not want to hit
on his girlfriend, however GGG he and/or she is/are. If he’s
sweet and generous and a bit of a freak, go ahead and hit
on her—but get your brother’s permission first.
This girl may not be in the picture for long, but your brother
is going to be your brother forever, so it’s important that
you handle these potentially explosive negotiations with care.
Don’t say, “Can I fuck your girlfriend, bro?” Say something
equally blunt but noncommittal, something like, “Your girlfriend
is hot, bro, and she’s a total flirt.” This statement will
be met with silence, a rebuke, or an admission on your brother’s
part that his girlfriend, indeed, is hot and a flirt and,
if you’re lucky, just as interested in you as you are in her.
Oh, and for the record: No one I know who’s had a three-way
with a sibling looks back on the incident with fondness. No
brotherly tag- teaming, ’kay?
My boyfriend and I are 18, and we’re in love. We’ve been
together for almost four years. He recently decided that he
is against abortion, to the point where he won’t have sex
with me unless I agree to have the kid if I get pregnant.
I told him there’s no way I can agree to that. It’s my choice
what I want to do with my body, but he says it’s his choice
if he wants to stop having sex with me because he disagrees
with my views on the matter. (Which is something he read in
your column, BTW.) Where do I go from here? I can’t be celibate
until I’m ready to have a kid. But I don’t want to break up
with someone I love because of a sincere moral disagreement.
What now?
—One
Boy’s Girl Yearns Nervously
As
a general rule, OBGYN, fertile pro-choice girls shouldn’t
have premarital sex with controlling anti-choice boys. But
you love him, and sometimes love makes exceptions. So if you
do stay with him, and you agree and/or pretend to agree to
his conditions, and you get pregnant, and you do decide to
have an abortion, what the hell is he going to do about it?
Lock you in the trunk of his car for nine months? Whatever
you tell him now, it will still be your body, and your
choice then. Use condoms, take the pill, get a diaphragm,
cross your fingers, and fuck his brains out.
Hey, dude! When I’m doing the deed with my girlfriend she
makes a shit load of noise… plus I can’t concentrate and ccccccuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmm
. . . anyways . . . personally, I think she’s faking her orgasms
. . . how can I prove it?
—Boom
Box
How
about a brain scan? Researchers at the University of Groningen
in the Netherlands announced last week that a simple brain
scan can detect when women are faking orgasms. In the kind
of science that just isn’t being done in the United States
anymore, dozens of British women underwent brain scans while
their partners “manually stimulated them.” In a finding that
should discomfort men everywhere, professor Gert Holstege
told the BBC that “women can imitate orgasm quite well.” But
when women have actual orgasms, said the prof, “we see an
extreme deactivation of large portions of the brain.” Don’t
laugh, guys—at least women’s brains are active before and
after orgasm.
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Just a note on your advice to Pre-Menstrual Sissy, the
man whose Mistress ordered him to put tampons in his ass:
There are reasons why he should be careful, aside from constipation
and it “getting lost.” Primarily, the rectum is not self-lubricating,
unlike the vagina, and a dry tampon in a dry rectum can cause
adhesion problems. If he sticks it up there, he could easily
have the upper cotton layers bonded inside his ass. This is
less than comfortable, and can cause infections. I would suggest
that he lubricate the tampon with Vaseline or a similar substance
before insertion.
—Tampon
Play Troubles
Here’s
some extra advice for Pre-Menstrual Sissy, and also info that
your menstruating readers might be interested in. Traditional
tampons or pads have rayon in them. Your body can absorb the
rayon from the tampons. Often this causes cramps and discomfort,
since your body really is not made to be absorbing rayon.
Sissy might want to go to a natural food store or co-op and
get unbleached cotton tampons. Sissy could also tie something
to the end of the tampon string to keep it from getting lost
in his rectum. Maybe Mistress can think of something extra
humiliating?
—Bleeding
Hippie
As
a physician and a submissive crossdresser, I thought you would
like my perspective on rectal tampons. First, I agree with
you completely that PMS should do as he’s told! Secondly,
I follow some common-sense guidelines for all inserted objects.
Nothing sharp or breakable. Clean it. Lubricate it. Remove
it. Clean it again (or discard it). I remove tampons after
a few hours. First-timers should figure out how a tampon works
before actually inserting it, and experiment with different
positions (lying on your side or back, on all fours) for insertion.
And, most importantly, don’t forget to leave the little string
hanging out!
—Tampons
Allow Men Periods Of Naughtiness
Thanks
for sharing, TPT, BH, and TAMPON—nothing alleviates the nausea
of a hangover like the mental images your letters conjured
up.
mail@savagelove.net
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Columns
& Opinions
