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I’m
a smoker who has decided it’s time to quit. But my boyfriend
has a smoking fetish. He likes it when I smoke while we’re
having sex; he likes to jerk off and watch me smoke; he likes
me to smoke and give him oral sex at the same time. His porn
collection is all smoking-related. I’ve really enjoyed participating
in this fetish. However, I know I must quit. He has suggested
that I might be able to smoke on occasion, but I know I can’t.
I am an addict and I know that I won’t able to smoke “just
one” during sex. I am worried that my boyfriend will lose
interest when I quit smoking. I know he loves me, but I’m
worried that his fetish is strong enough to ruin our relationship
if it’s not fulfilled. Can a guy get over his fetish? Is there
a way to replace his need for smoking with something that
won’t kill me? Or should I quit smoking and him at the same
time?
—Committed
To Quitting
Guys
don’t ever get over their fetishes, CTQ, so I would urge you
to quit smoking and quit the boyfriend at the same time. However
fond he is of you, your boyfriend’s smoking fetish predates
your relationship and I guarantee you that it will postdate
your relationship. If you attempt to stay together after you’ve
quit, your boyfriend will either sabotage your resolve or
your relationship. One way or the other, your boyfriend is
going to be with a smoker. If you’re serious about not smoking,
he’s not going to be with you. And if you find yourself tempted
to take up smoking again to please him, just remind yourself
no man is worth the risks. Cigarettes are disgusting, deadly
and addictive. (I’m talking to you too, Thomas.) Everyone
everywhere should stop smoking this instant.
Oh, and apropos of nothing: Shaunti Feldhahn (www.shauntifeldhahn.com),
“a conservative Christian author and speaker, and married
mother of two,” recently wrote an op-ed touting conversion
therapy for homosexuals. I speak for all gay people everywhere
when I say that I’m sick to fucking death of listening to
straight fundies yapping about how easy it is for other people
to change their sexual orientations. Think it’s easy, Shaunti?
Then prove it, bitch, by putting your twat where your mouth
is. After you convert your skanky ass from hetero to homo,
I will convert my skanky ass from homo to hetero. Give me
a call when you’re a carpet-munchin’, vag-fistin’ bulldyke—and
bring the video, because I’m going to want proof—and I will
give up ass-munchin’, butt-fucking faggotry. Until then, shut
your stupid fucking mouth.
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My best friend is obsessed with a character from Yu-Gi-Oh!
called Kaiba. She dresses up like him and even claims to have
masturbated to the show. It might seem okay for a 10-year-old
boy to be this into a show based on battling cards, but she
is a beautiful, intelligent 17-year-old girl. It’s pointless!
She constantly complains that none of the real guys at our
high school are as good as Kaiba. What can I do to help her?
—Needs
A Major Intervention
Your
friend’s obsession is juvenile and retarded, NAMI, but I wouldn’t
call it pointless. Like a lot of high-school kids, your friend
probably feels pressured to be sexually active. (Pressured
by you, perhaps?) Most not-quite-ready-for-sex teenagers hide
behind Jesus’ skirts when their friends ask why they’re not
fucking, but nonreligious kids have to be a bit more creative.
Some, like your friend, invent grand/tragic sexual obsessions
that prevent them from dating mere mortals. Your friend doesn’t
want you to think she’s unhip, or that she isn’t just dying
to have sex, or that she isn’t heterosexual, so she’s convinced
you (and perhaps herself) that she’s obsessed with Kaiba.
And you know what? That’s just fine. Finding fault with all
potential real-life boys is a way for her to avoid sexual
experiences she’s not ready for. So just back off, okay?
Apropos of Nothing II: Joseph Nicolosi, a quack conversion
therapist whom Feldhahn cites approvingly, has an interesting
theory on how to make little boys straight: “[A father should]
take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot
help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only
bigger.” This is wrong on so many levels I don’t even know
where to begin. I can’t recall ever showering with my dad,
and I’m certain my dad didn’t drag my two older brothers into
the shower and waggle his penis in their faces. (I asked.)
And yet both my older brothers grew up to be straight. How’d
that happen? And if exposure to great big cocks makes a guy
straight, how come 10 years worth of exposure to my boyfriend’s
great big cock hasn’t made me straight?
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I am a transgender gurl living in the heart of South Beach,
Florida. I read your response to a woman who wanted to know
if her boyfriend was gay because he had she-male porn on his
computer. I must say that you gave her a response worthy of
praise. I could not have said it better—and I am a living
she-male type! I’m the girl the “straight” men go to after
their female girlfriends go home. Funny, a couple of these
very same guys are trying to IM me as I type this. People
have a misconception that she-males have sex with gay men.
We don’t. Men that are gay are attracted to men that represent
men. Straight men are attracted to women, and some are attracted
to she-males because we look like women. And yes, funny enough,
most of them want us for the dick. As much as they love their
girlfriends or wives, their women will never be able to give
them what they desire from a she-male, which is dick.
Many of these men are deeply ashamed of this part of their
sexuality and they sneak around fucking she-males. But if
people knew that she-males only have sex with straight-lifestyle
men, not gay men, that would take the shame away. Hopefully
one day we will reach a point where straight-lifestyle men
are not ashamed to be seen with a she-male or to acknowledge
that they have sex with she-males. Please continue to help
create a better understanding of she-males and their straight
admirers!
—Samara
Riviera
www.samaratg.com
When I read your letter from NOSA, the man who asked whether
it was okay to dump, via e-mail, a woman with whom he had
been having casual sex, I had to comment. A guy I had been
having NSA sex with dropped out of sight without warning and
stopped answering my phone calls. My messages started with
“Hi, how’s it going?” and progressed to “Are you okay?” Finally
I called him at work (which I had never done before). He was
curt. Then he sent me a polite e-mail saying that he’d met
someone else and had decided that he didn’t want to see anyone
other than her.
If he had just been adult enough to call and tell me, I would
have been cool about it. I would even have considered having
sex with him again if his new relationship doesn’t work out.
But now? Forget it.
—Fucking
Someone Else
Thanks
for sharing, Samara and FSE.
Apropos of Nothing III: I’m listening to the Dresden Dolls
sing “Coin-Operated Boy” as I write these words. The Dolls
are a terrific post-punk/goth/Brechtian rock duo. Everyone
on earth needs to buy their CDs.
mail@savagelove.net
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