boyfriend let me experiment on him with a strap-on. At first
he didn’t like it, but now he loves it. Now I want to have
sex with another guy and watch him suck a real cock. How can
I get him to try this?
Christ, PEG! I have plowed years—years!—and thousands of words—thousands!—into
convincing straight boys that there’s nothing gay—nothing!—about
a woman fucking a man with a strap-on. Whether he’s penetrating
her or she’s penetrating him, I told ’em, it’s still straight
sex. And people were buying it! (Well, not the editors
of Vice Magazine, but they’re not human.) And then
you come along, PEG, and undo all my good work in less than
50 fucking words! Now every guy whose girlfriend wants to
peg his ass is gonna think it’s some vast conspiracy to turn
him into a dick lickin’ bitch. And it is, of course, but we
don’t want the straight boys to know that!
I can’t bring myself to answer any more letters this week.
I mean, why bother when all my hard work can be undone in
an instant by a thoughtless person who can only think about
what she wants? So I’m turning this week’s column over to
a pack of female-to-male transsexuals. They’ve got some good
advice for The Impossible Fantasy, the gay man who’s attracted
to “guys with pies,” or hypermasculine FTMs, but wasn’t having
any luck finding an FTMGWP willing to sleep with him. Take
it away, gentlemen.
As a gay-identified FTM, my first reaction to TIF’s letter
was, “Wow, too bad that guy comes across like such a creep.”
Given that reaction, I’m not terribly surprised he’s having
trouble fulfilling his fantasy. As a public service, I’ll
try to unpack (ahem) why that was my reaction.
1. Most transfags are not and do not consider themselves hypermasculine,
so that could be part of the problem right there.
2. Even if he isn’t too particular about that aspect, many
transfags are, strangely enough, not all that into traditional
gender roles, so the hypermasculine requirement is probably
off-putting to more people than just me.
3. There are definitely transfags into having sex “up front,”
as they say, but it’s not something people like to advertise.
So initiating contact by saying, “I want to fuck your pussy,”
may be off-putting.
4. A lot of transfags—not all, but a lot—are into the leather/S&M/other-weird-stuff
scene, so if he’s not looking there, that may be another reason
he’s not finding many.
5. Like you mentioned, Dan, a lot of transfags feel that finding
a gay-identified man who will accept their genital arrangement
is a lost cause and aren’t looking all that hard. If TIF is
looking mostly in places—Web or real life—that are geared
toward sex and dating, he’s probably not going to run into
many transfags. He might have more success making contact
through groups with political aims or through support groups.
a gay bio-male with a comment for the gay man interested in
“guys with pies.” Based on what I know of my FTM friends,
here’s a suggestion: When you meet a gay/bi FTM, don’t call
his genitals by female names. Call it his cock. Treat it like
a nice, hot cock. By accepting his body for what he might
prefer it to be, you have a better chance at making him want
to be with you.
a transman—queer identified, post-op (chest only)—who might
have a few insights into why TIF is having trouble finding
transguys willing to spread ’em. An obvious one is that transguys
often have resentment toward their pussies. They identify
as purely male even though current technological restraints
in the medical field aren’t able to offer them anything more
than a lifeless flap of skin taken from their own forearm,
leaving it disfigured.
A lot of transguys (including myself) began their transition
by first identifying as a butch lesbian. Being in the lesbian
community during a time when you’re forming your identity
can bring you into contact with the notion that penises are
oppressive and gross and a symbol of the patriarchy. For transguys
who followed this path, those ideas might be a little hard
On to the Stone Butch phenomenon: Many butch lesbians don’t
like to be penetrated because they feel disempowered or feminized
when they’re being fucked. This is not to say that only butch
lesbians eventually identify as trans, but some transguys
definitely continue to uphold a very strict no-penetration
policy—some even have no-touch policies.
TIF mentioned that most of the FTMs he’s met have been straight
identified. For many FTMs, especially recently transitioned
ones, there is often an obsession with “passing” in society
as male. A lot of FTMs wear very stereotypical male clothing
and act in very stereotypically male ways in order to pass.
And what does a stereotypical male find attractive? Women.
Tits and ass.
Personally, I’m not strictly gay-identified because I love
fucking women, but I also enjoy getting slammed by a hard
cock every once in a while by a guy with a tight chest and
stubble on his chin. As an FTM who sought for so long to acquire
a male body, how can I deny the beauty of the male form? I
have no doubt TIF will eventually find an FTM who is willing
to “bottom out” for him. We’re definitely out there.
of Many Guys with Pies
couple thoughts from an FTM for TIF:
1. I transitioned six years ago and this is the first time
I have encountered the phrase “guys with pies.” I Googled
it and only got porn sites (and people upset about Ann Coulter
getting a pie in the face). He might want to rethink his language.
Calling a cunt a “pie” just sounds childish. That said, some
FTMs appear to find the term “mangina” seriously erotic, so
maybe I’m just straight-laced.
2. He’s not just looking for a man with a vagina, he’s looking
for a hypermasculine man with a vagina. As if chasing FTMs
didn’t narrow the pool enough, he wants the double-whammy
faggot dream of seducing the straight guy. That damn well
may be The Impossible Fantasy.
And while I’m here, Dan: When you periodically respond to
those pre-op FTMs moaning that they can’t get a date, your
answer annoys me a bit. You state that most gay guys don’t
want anything to do with trannies, end of story. My experience
has been that a lot of gay guys will give it a whirl if they’ve
never been with a tranny before. Relationships are tricky,
absolutely, but a reasonable amount of confidence and getting
that chap TIF isn’t aware of the porn performer Buck Angel,
he should be. He’s exactly what TIF is looking for.
I Googled “Buck Angel,” checked out his Web site, and then
had to spend the rest of the day in a dark room with a cold
compress over my eyes. Like, wow. If ever there was proof
that there’s someone out there for everyone, hypermasculine
FTM porn star Buck Angel is it. (Check Buck out at www.buckangel.com.)
He’s just the thing TIF has been looking for—just the thingless
thing, I should say. Enjoy, TIF.