a married guy with a good job, a wonderful kid, and my wife’s
a good lady. The problem? Sex. She rarely wants/needs it,
and when I can get her in the mood it’s the same old, dull
routine. Same position, I do all the work—she won’t even touch
my dick!—and it’s over in 15 minutes.
I’ve tried to talk about it with her, even counseling, but
she’s very defensive. She claims that I am treating her as
an “object.” She also claims she got adventure out of her
system years ago. How nice for her. I never got enough. Never
had a blowjob, never had intercourse in any position but missionary.
I’m frustrated, angry, and desperate. I never wanted to cheat,
but this has gone on for years and things just aren’t going
Now—act surprised!—there’s an opportunity. This other woman
is sexy, smart, and adventurous, and she has a very healthy
libido. I want her, she wants me. The problem? She’s going
to be leaving soon for a job in a new area. Part of me wants
to go with her, but it would mean leaving my child. I should
also mention that this temptress has gotten herself into trouble
in the past. No arrests, but there’s a chance of past misdeeds
or unstable old boyfriends coming back to haunt her.
I don’t want my child hating me forever, but I also want to
be happy. What should I do?
If Love/Lust Is Enough
the daughter of swingers, I used to be appalled by married
people having sex with other people. But my marriage has sent
me running for the dark side. The problem is I am not running
there with my husband: After having children, he unilaterally
ended our sex life. And I am not a cow: I am still smoking
hot and have even improved my body after the babies. I have
written letters explaining what I need and worn thongs around
the house. I have even told him that I cannot imagine being
married to him forever if it’s going to be like this. He said
that we have children now, and people with children don’t
do that sort of thing!
I feel cheated, and like many people who feel cheated, I cheated.
I know it’s wrong, but I was dying to fuck someone who actually
wanted to fuck me. I am certain I will end up getting busted
at some point (at least my parents were honest about fucking
other people!), but I am having the best sex of my life and
don’t want to give it up. On the other hand, my husband is
a great guy and a great father. Can I dump an otherwise good
man and break up my family just to pursue a life of debauchery?
If so, how do I do this without making everyone hate me?
and FS’s letters arrived on the same day.
I wish I could say that there was something unusual about
that. I get letters every damn day from frustrated, desperate
men and women who are married to people who are no longer—or
were never—interested in sex. Sadly, most people in WILLIE
and FS’s shoes only write to me after they’ve spent years
enduring, begging, pleading, and cajoling. They write in after
they’re married, after they’ve had kids, after they’ve started
affairs—in short, they write when it’s way too damn late.
Still, I have some advice for WILLIE and FS, and we’ll get
to it in a moment. But first, some general observations—and
let’s get the obvious ones out the way first: Isn’t it a shame
that WILLIE and FS aren’t married to each other? And isn’t
it too bad that WILLIE’s wife and FS’s husband aren’t a happily
And now, the bank-shot observation: In some instances there
may be mitigating circumstances, i.e., there may be a very
good reason why a particular husband or wife is no longer
interested in sex. For all we know WILLIE doesn’t bathe or
only speaks civilly to his wife when he wants sex. For all
we know FS supports the teaching of intelligent design or
is Katherine Harris. But it’s not always the fault of the
cut-off spouse. It’s a well-known fact that there are people
out there who simply aren’t interested in sex and, judging
from the mail, a whole lot of them married people who are.
It needs to be said that depriving a spouse of sex—or subjecting
them to absolutely joyless sex in the hope that they’ll stop
asking for any at all—is an act of emotional violence. And
this brand of emotional violence not only creates frustration,
anger, and desperation, it inevitably leads to infidelity,
which all too often leads to divorce, broken homes, and traumatized
And who gets the blame?
The spouse who cheated, of course! Didja hear? WILLIE—a man
with a wife and a child at home!—ran off with another woman!
Oh, and FS—a woman with a husband and kids!—was sleeping with
To all those folks out there who aren’t interested in sex:
Getting married—or civilly united or shacking up or whatever—is
like buying a cow. You know going in that you’re going to
have to milk the thing. But unlike an unmilked cow, a spouse—male
or female—won’t just stand there in a field and suffer. A
spouse is a cow with a credit card, a job, and a car. If you
don’t milk the cow you married, your cow has the means to
go out and find someone who will. If you’re fine with that,
for God’s sake tell your cow. If you lose interest in sex
but want to stay married for the kids, friendship, or financial
security, apologize to your cow and tell ’em you’ll do them
the courtesy of turning a blind eye if they’ll do you the
courtesy of being milked discreetly elsewhere.
Okay, so what should you two do?
WILLIE: If you’re going to leave your wife—and in your blowjobless
state, who could blame you (besides everyone)—the least you
can do for your kid is stay in town. This other woman—the
one with the potential legal problems and bad taste in ex-boyfriends—isn’t
the only other woman on earth. Leave your wife, find someone
local, get your dick sucked.
FS: Tell your husband what’s going on and tell him why. Offer
to stay with him and raise your kids together, if you can
hack it. But just as he’s made it clear that being with him
means no sex, you need to make it clear that being with you
means semi-regular cuckolding.
I’m a gay 22-year-old male, and my boyfriend is 24 and
seems to have the lowest sex drive ever. He never initiates
and he pushes me away three out of the four times I do. It’s
gotten to the point that I don’t initiate anymore. He’s a
great guy—sweet and perfect for me in every way except this.
Cheating is not an option I would consider. However, I’m sex
starved over here!
Once Needed Erotics Daily
upon a time cheating was not an option WILLIE or FS would
have considered either, BONED. Get the hell out while the
getting out is good.
ASKING & TELLING: Advice poured in for In Love Yet Afraid,
the gay soldier who wanted to know what to do about his crush
on a fellow soldier. Read what soldiers, sailors, airmen,
and marines had to say to ILYA by going to www.metroland.net/
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