Ed That’ll Make You Scream
couple’s workshops aim to make you orgasm, but only when you’re
know how to find your (or your girlfriend’s) G-spot? Are you
tired of reenacting the café scene from When Harry Met
Sally every time you’re in the sack? Ever wonder if female
ejaculation is real? Want to know how to make the “oh, yes!”
and “right there!” last longer?
years, sex educators Marshall Miller and Dorian Solot have
been answering these—and the countless other questions your
high-school sex-ed teacher probably would have blushed at—during
speaking engagements across the country, most often at colleges.
Their presentations are far from the typical sex-ed course
(they do not, for example, involve unrolling condoms onto
a banana, decades-old educational videos featuring pimple-faced
teenagers talking about puberty, or a strict abstinence-only
lecture). Their most popular program is a workshop dedicated
to the female orgasm.
lists of what’s hot and what’s not, female orgasm is definitely
hot right now,” Solot says. “Orgasms are all about pleasure,
exactly the aspect of sexuality that’s not discussed in most
formal sex education. High-school classes often teach about
anatomy, reproduction, and disease, but they rarely address
pleasure. That’s pretty sad, given that pleasure is a core
part of sex for most people.”
orgasm also is the subject of the Albany couple’s upcoming
book project, I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm
Guide, which will be on shelves next month. The book is
a crash course in everything you ever wanted to know—and maybe
even more than you thought you did—about the female orgasm,
including discussions about vibrators, piercing, multiple
orgasms, etc. An entire chapter is devoted to men and another
specifically to lesbian and bisexual women’s experiences.
book is our attempt to capture all the fabulousness of female
orgasm in one place: the funny stories, the great tips we’ve
collected over the years, real people’s experiences, answers
to frequently asked questions,” Solot says. “We crammed a
lot into those pages.”
Miller and Solot unearthed the content for their book from
more traditional resources such as books and academic journals,
their research also included a survey of nearly 2,000 people
from across the country and tidbits they have picked up from
their many audiences over the years.
there are two pieces to what makes our sex ed popular,” Miller
says. “Part of it is just presenting knowledgeable, accurate
information—people are hungry for that. But the other part
is being human about it. Sex is funny, it’s frustrating, it’s
confusing, it’s sweet. We try to capture all that.”
presentations are based on the sex questions people really
want to know while also focusing on the basics, including
safe sex and the right to make your own choice about whether
or not to have sex. Workshops involve the recognition and
discussion of both heterosexual and homosexual relationships.
out there in the world, talking to people, it feels like people
are starving for honest, down-to-earth information—not the
impossible acrobatic sex positions you see in women’s glossy
magazines,” says Solot.
passion for sharing accurate information is due, in part,
to her personal experience as a breast-cancer survivor. “Today,
I’m so grateful that I was familiar enough with my own body
to notice this very small change,” says Solot, who was 26
when she found a lump in her breast. “I’m convinced that,
at least in some cases, helping women be more comfortable
with their own bodies isn’t just a nice thing—it can be life-saving.”
also brings formal training to the pair’s résumé. He earned
a degree in Sexuality and Society and was trained as a sex
educator at Brown University.
the couple—in business and in life—began giving presentations
eight years ago, they weren’t expecting the speaking engagements
(and, eventually, writing) to evolve into their full-time
occupation, Miller says. Today, the duo honor as many as 80
speaking requests per year, with daily engagements at peak
times during the college semester.
audiences start out sort of nervous and giggly, but then you
can see them relax into it,” Miller says. “They see us talk
about sex just like any other part of life, and we do a lot
of laughing together.”
various programs can be targeted toward a specific audience,
but most include a combination of interactive activities,
lecture, discussion, humorous stories, multimedia, and question-and-answer
responses to what we do really keep us going,” Miller says.
“We got an e-mail just last week from a woman writing to thank
us—she said she and her boyfriend attended one of our programs
together, and afterwards they had the best conversation they’d
ever had about sex and their relationship. That’s really what
it’s all about: starting the conversations, getting people
thinking, helping people find the path and make the choices
that are right for them.”
other swingers’ clubs around the country, Schenectady’s Union
Street Bed and Breakfast offers a smorgasbord of fun for experimental
be surprised how many people have medical fetishes,” Robert
Alexson says, resting his hand on the stirrup of a gynecological
chair. Next to him, on a small table, there is a pot of paraffin
wax cooking at a low simmer, some dildos, and a moustache
explains that paraffin is used instead of candle wax because
of the lower melting temperature. “That way,” he says, “nobody
gets hurt. You get the pleasure, the experience, but you don’t
get hurt. We’re not into the hardcore stuff here.”
be surprised by how many people who have always wanted to
shave,” he gestures on himself, “and haven’t, until we put
them up on the table and shave ’em.”
the people who come here,” he adds, with an aficionado’s conceit,
“live out their fantasies.”
is showing off the Play Room in the basement of his Union
Street Bed and Breakfast. The Play Room is a mild bondage-discipline-sadomasochism
(BDSM) dungeon: There’s a massage table; a St. Andrew’s Cross;
a low, wide cage; a couch; hooks for a sex swing; mirrors;
and a dull knife lying next to condoms and dildos. Discarded
nonalcoholic beer bottles and Diet Pepsi cans are the only
remnants of last night’s party.
not uncommon during a party for 40 people to be crowded into
the Play Room, Alexson says, and that’s the reason for the
mirrors—you can always get a good view. “Because as soon as
somebody knows one couple is down here playing, everybody
wants to watch. Nothing wrong with watching is there?” he
asks. “That’s what a lot of them do.”
is an austere quality to the Play Room. Other than the tall,
ornate vase holding peacock feathers, the room lacks decoration.
It is oddly utilitarian, peopled for only one intent.
stress,” Alexson says.
a sport. Like golfing. The couples who come to Alexson’s parties
are swingers, people who are looking for no-strings-attached
sexual play with like-minded couples and/or singles who belong
to this extended “family.”
who owns the now-notorious Schenectady-based B&B, continues
the tour through his basement. In the next room, an eight-
person hot tub bubbles and gurgles. Steam rises and cools,
wetting the floor and the wooden stairs. This is the hot spot,
he says. This is where the action starts. The hot tub is a
great place to loosen up and get to know people. Most parties,
the tub is full of couples and the water just gets going and
splashing all over the place, he says and laughs.
room, there is a two-level, floor-standing pizza oven.
good here,” he says. And it shows. Alexson is a tall man with
thick forearms and a strong build. In the past, he worked
as a fireman. Now, older and retired, he has gained a few
pounds around the midsection.
for all those starry-eyed optimists out there—sorry. These
are not the swingers of late-night Cinemax fantasies. The
few loyal swingers who brave the exceptionally cold weather
this Friday night to show up for Alexson’s party are as average-looking
as they come. Think Roseanne, not Desperate Housewives.
this is only a small sliver of the large swinger community
in the area, Alexson says, a community that he numbers conservatively
at 4,000 couples.
he says, there are at least a half-dozen parties going on
somewhere in the Capital Region. He throws two or three himself.
people are gathering in his kitchen and dining room upstairs.
One of them, a buddy of Alexson’s, says the swinger parties
are really laid back. Chill.
people come and just talk,” the buddy says, taking swigs from
a Diet Pepsi. “If it goes to the next level, then no one cares.”
community is a social network, first and foremost, he says.
Swinging is a lifestyle (often referred to as “The Lifestyle”),
and clubs like his have formed in an effort to support this
lifestyle. Most of the people you will find here actually
seem somewhat conservative, family-oriented. One night, he
says, everyone just sat in the dining room and talked about
by many to have originated on U.S. military bases and then
spread to the suburbs, swinging has a long and storied past.
It is a conservative estimate that 4 percent of the U.S. population
swings. And the rules that the Capital Region community adheres
to appear to be in the norm: “No means no,” respect each others’
privacy, and have fun.
tells the story of a man who was kicked out of a party in
Albany for being too aggressive. By the time he made it to
the B&B in Schenectady, Alexson already knew exactly who
the man was and why he had been kicked out. By the next day,
everyone knew who the man was and he had effectively been
banned from the swinging community from Glens Falls to Utica.
a tight-knit group, Alexson says. “We are all friends. We
care about each other. If someone is not interested, don’t
push it. That is the most important rule—have respect for
each other.” Jealousy, he says, is rarely a problem. People
who are jealous are usually ousted quickly or just can’t handle
group also works to protect each other’s privacy. If Alexson
knows that two people who plan on coming to one of his parties
work at the same place, for example, he will let those people
know that one of their coworkers might be showing up. He leaves
it up to his guests to decide how “out there” they want to
be with their lifestyle.
clippings that highlight Alexson’s many battles with the town
of Schenectady are taped to a wall in his foyer. Mostly, he
has fought with the city over zoning issues, and he has always
won. He is proud of the wins.
doing anything illegal here,” he says. “And I am willing to
he adds, he is careful to keep the disquieting elements out
of his home. There is little or no drinking, a high vetting
process of the partygoers, and the parties never get out of
control. There is not even a stereo.
a well-known politician was staying with him, and she read
some of the newspaper clippings. “And she turns to me and
you know what she says?” Alexson asks. “ ‘Who’d you forget
to pay off?’ That’s what she asked me. Can you believe it?
he adds, “you’d be surprised if you knew everyone who comes
here.” He rattles off a list of professions: doctors, lawyers,
teachers, judges, cops, firemen. You name it, he says.
woman who comes here is a librarian,” Alexson says, with his
buddy interrupting, “But she’ll crack that whip on your ass
in a hurry!”
30 couples within a one-mile radius that come here,” Alexson
brags. “They might all come in the back way, but they come
best group of people you will ever meet,” his buddy concludes,
“Albany’s Hef,” has spent 15 years trying to make his club
the classiest strip joint in the Capital Region
into DiCarlo’s Gentlemen’s Club on Central Avenue in Colonie
on a morning after the crowd has died down, after the flesh
has stopped shaking, after the nipples have been sheathed,
the rumps hidden away, and you might start to notice things
you otherwise wouldn’t.
a lot of stuff on the walls inside the club. There are pictures
of celebrities who frequented DiCarlo’s in the ’80s when it
was a nightclub called September’s. A surprisingly spry-looking
Jack Nicholson smiles down from the wall. There are plaques
from the charities that owner Sal DiCarlo donates to. And
then there is one picture in particular—one that really has
special meaning for DiCarlo.
would probably take more notice of this picture if it were
posted in a workplace, on the side of a nondescript cubicle,
anywhere in a well-lit room that did not have topless,
gyrating females demanding attention. The picture is a photograph
of DiCarlo surrounded by an army of smiling blondes and grinning
brunettes—girls who have worked for him—with a caption that
describes DiCarlo as Albany’s Hugh Hefner. “If you are gonna
run a picture of me, you should use that one,” says the soft-spoken
owner. “That one says something.”
years after DiCarlo opened September’s in 1980 as an Italian
restaurant, a friend suggested that DiCarlo feature bands
on the weekends. “It was very successful,” DiCarlo says. “It
was so successful I got rid of the restaurant and made it
when the drinking age was moved from 18 to 19 and then 21
in the ’80s, DiCarlo could no longer afford to book bands,
and turned September’s into a dance club.
when Mike Tyson had his first fight in town, he came up here
to celebrate his victory,” says DiCarlo. “It was his first
professional fight. And that kind of put the place on the
to DiCarlo, September’s became Tyson’s second home—and along
with Tyson came his entourage. “A lot of celebrities who came
into town knew that Mike hung out at September’s and they
would try to get to meet him because he was a hot ticket at
the time. I mean he used to live here. He was here day and
DiCarlo felt that the dance club no longer made sense, and
he decided to try something different. “It started out as
a bikini bartender, and people would be standing outside the
door to get in at lunch hour because it was new,” he recalls.
“Then eventually people get bored. People’s tastes change
and then I brought in Penthouse features—all that kind
of stuff. From there ex penses got higher so I got rid of
Penthouse features and did a straight-up strip club.”
has be come a sort of enigma of strip clubs since its opening.
DiCarlo notes that he has had no problems with the town of
Colonie, because he was grandfathered in under the town’s
earlier restrictions on strip clubs. He says that he has kept
a good relationship with his neighbors because he doesn’t
have gaudy signs advertising strippers on the club’s grounds,
and because he spends an exorbitant sum on landscaping. “I’d
hate to tell you what I spend,” he says, cupping his forehead.
In fact, he points out, it has become a routine occurrence
for people to walk in looking for a quiet Italian dinner.
is involved with charities across the region, including the
Police Athletic League. But he notes that it is sometimes
difficult to be charitable when charities do not want to be
associated with a strip club.
of DiCarlo’s best patrons are also public figures, local celebrities,
politicians. But, of course, DiCarlo does not want to name
names. “I do a lot of donations to the politicians and all
that stuff,” he says, throwing his hand in the air.
says things have changed since the early days when he had
to go through agencies to find girls to dance at his club.
Now, he says, they seek him out on the Internet because of
his club’s good reputation. According to DiCarlo, most of
his dancers “are college girls, because they can make good
money and pick their shifts. The shifts are only five-hour
shifts and they can work 20 to 25 hours for the whole week.
They find me now.”
does DiCarlo evaluate the women who want to work for him?
“When a girl tries out, we usually talk about it in bed,”
he jokes, laughing. “You like that?” he asks. In all seriousness,
though, DiCarlo says that he feels the girls’ dancing is an
art that takes skill and should be appreciated as a display
of individual expression.
tastes change. Every generation has their own thing. Right
now, the biggest things are tattoos. You follow me?” He asks.
“In the ’60s it was the Vietnam thing. In the ’70s it was
John Travolta and Saturday Night Fever. I have copies
of Metroland back in the ’80s that was written up about
when I had the bands. I kept them as a souvenir, and every
once in a while I go back and read them. Eighty percent of
the businesses that advertised back then are out of business
today. You have to change your format. If you don’t, you are
going to get buried.”
of keeping up with changing tastes, DiCarlo says he owes a
good part of his success to discretion. “You need to leave
something to the imagination. If everybody walked around here
naked they wouldn’t get a hard-on. Am I right or wrong?” he
asks. Satisfied with my answer, he concludes: “The forbidden
fruit is always sweeter.”
Click, and Hook Up
finding The One—Internet dating services help you find The
One For Tonight
42, from Guilderland, tells me a good one, about the “triple
dipper,” her friend’s initiation into the less-savory side
of online dating. Beth (all the names of people in this story
have been changed) tells of a friend who was on Match.com,
still the most popular dating service, and met a man with
whom she really hit it off.
another friend (not Beth) about the guy and that they were
getting together again that very day, to which the friend
replied, “That’s strange: I just got off the phone with him
and I’m supposed to go out with him tonight.” The kicker
is that by the time the story had been related back to Beth,
he had set up a date with her as well (but not for the same
day). (This story also, perhaps, is a tribute to the social
dynamics of “Smallbany.”)
not triple dipping,” says Tom, 39, from Schenectady, shaking
his head over lunch, when I relate Beth’s story to him. “Triple
dipping would be three [dates] in the same day.” I ask Tom
if that’s something he’s ever done. “I’ve done two on, like,
a Saturday. But they were at different stages.” Different
stages? “The daytime thing was a first date in Saratoga. The
other was a third or fourth date in Albany.” Why do that?
Tom looks at me warily. “People do that all the time. Especially
guys.” (He is talking to me only because we have a friend
in common and only on the basis of strict anonymity.)
you risk messing up a situation that had evolved to a third
or fourth date? “The first date was with this woman I was
really interested in—really beautiful. Great job, liked to
ski.” So why go out with the other woman? Tom looks at me
as if I’ve just come back down off of Brokeback Mountain.
“It was a third or fourth date. Meet one for coffee, swing
back to Albany and, you know. . . . get laid,” he says, swirling
a French fry in a mound of ketchup.
that neither relationship really got off the ground, and that
he still frequents Match. And that he still gets “laid” through
Match—a lot. He also says there is no way, in his busy life,
that he would ever have the opportunity to date multiple women
or to have so much sex “without Match.” (Tom has strict allegiance
to Match.com; he takes a disparaging view of eHarmony because,
as he puts it, you can’t browse.)
40, is a bit more analytical about his online-dating experiences.
“Look, if you’re in your late 30s to 50s, this is pretty much
where it’s happening. You don’t meet people in ‘the club’
anymore. The Internet is ‘the club.’ It’s the meat market.
This is where you go if you want to meet someone to marry,
hook up or whatever. . . . I have a more active sex life than
I had in my 20s.” Is that the goal? “When I started Internet
dating, I wouldn’t have minded finding the one or whatever.
. . . But I also had got divorced recently, and I was looking
to sow some oats.”
you ever double dip?” I ask him. “What?” he asks. I explain
and he makes a face. “No. And I didn’t go back on Match or
Craigslist until things ran their course with the girl I was
with. But sometimes things run their course pretty quick.
And there are a lot of women too who are fresh out of being
married or whatever and are looking to have fun.”
now settled into a four-month relationship and is off all
dating services, “but doing the Internet thing really allowed
me to sow some oats.”
dating, once a fringe activity, clearly has entered the mainstream.
(A search on Match.com for single women between the ages of
37 and 46 within 30 miles of an Albany zip code yields nearly
300 results.) But, advertisements to the contrary, a lot of
people aren’t necessarily using it to find a “soul mate”;
they’re having a whole lot of sex, either by design or by
circumstances along the way.
this dating medium is ushering in a whole new sexual revolution
and era of promiscuity much like the 1970s, is something for
a much more data and sociology- oriented journalist to take
up. But I’d like to say that it’s a distinct possibility,
and that based on the anecdotal stuff I’ve been hearing for
the past couple of years, it seems like the ’Net is allowing
people to have lots of sex and multiple partners where there
was little to no opportunity before.
of mine observes that in the past, you might be less apt to
“blow someone off” after a few dates, because it was set up
through a friend or because the circumstances would be uncomfortable.
But with the Internet, you meet someone out of the blue and
if—after nurturing the relationship via e-mail, phone and
a few dates—it doesn’t work out, you can slip back into the
though, points to a darker side. When she was first on Match.com
years ago, she went out with a man once and then politely
declined any further dates. The result was that he IM’d and
phoned her incessantly and called her a list of names, including
“a fucking tease.” She eventually had to call the police,
and felt naïve and ashamed.
remembers the man who, even before their first date, sent
her piles of elaborate flower arrangements at her job. “He
didn’t even know me. It was very strange,” she says, noting
that she never went on that first date.
is engaged to a woman he met on Match.com. But he also spent
three years on and off the dating service and tells me about
a woman in her mid-40s from Oklahoma who found him online
and wanted to nurture a relationship via her webcam. “It blew
my mind when she first turned the thing on through Yahoo!
IM and right away pulled out her breasts. I called my buddy
right away and was like, ‘You are not going to believe this.’
She was a nursery-school administrator or something and a
mother of teenagers.”
(who never owned his own webcam) also remembers that the woman
began to act like they were in a committed relationship. “She
always wanted to know if I was dating other people, and then
the phone calls became way too frequent and weird, like planning
out our lives and stuff. I cut it off, but she ‘drank-and-dialed’
me on New Year’s. She said she ‘couldn’t get me out of her
system.’ ” They had never met face to face.
also notes, though, that weeks and months could go by when,
try as he might, he “couldn’t buy a date” on the dating services.
on the other hand, sums up his online experiences thusly:
“I’ve met a lot of women. Some are still great friends. For
a while there online dating was pretty much my social life,
if you know what I mean. But I’ve also had some pretty freaky
experiences and have also had the time of my life. It’s been
better than college in some ways. I’ve racked up some numbers,
if you know what I mean,” he laughs, turning a bit pink. Then
Bob asks the same question he’s asked me twice before: “This
is completely anonymous, right?”
Body Next to Mine (Sort of)
sex toys bring Web chat one step closer to the actual thing
per minute, I can take control of WildBlondeCat. The 21-year-old,
self-described “100% natural LITTLE KITTY,” loves role-play,
sexy outfits, oil, close-ups, and a few other things that
I should let you discover for yourself. She lists as her assets
long legs, 36DDs, and an all-around perfect body. But what
makes her (and nearly two dozen other girls at ImLive.com)
so fascinating is that WildBlondeCat has a Sinulator.
package is a wireless, Internet-enabled treasure trove of
sex toys. Out of the box, a Sinulator kit includes a USB transceiver,
a remote control, software, an operating manual, and any one
of a variety of toys—Rabbits, egg vibrators, Fleshlights—that
can be purchased separately. In WildBlondeCat’s case, she
has the Rabbit.
is a classic in the field of dildonics. A two-headed vibrator,
it has a long, rotating shaft and smaller “rabbit ears” designed
to “flutter along the clitoris,” as one distributor describes
it. What the Sinulator brings to the Rabbit is control—other
people’s control. At the other end of the Internet. Teledildonics.
is a sardonic term, coined in the 1980s, but it is readily
employed when describing the arena of sex toys controlled
via computer, linked to the telepresence of another person.
And teledildonics is an industry to watch. To say that millions
of people are waiting in breathless, sweaty anticipation for
the days of satisfying virtual cybersex might not be an overstatement.
the hypothetical scenario with WildBlondeCat: She’s an exhibitionistic
Web-cam girl in California, looking for some quick cash. I
am a lonely/bored guy/girl in New York’s Capital Region. I
pay the fee and, in my browser, up pops a control module.
With this basic tool, I am able to manipulate WildBlondeCat’s
Rabbit. A live video/audio feed is streaming to me, and I
can feed a stream of me to her. We can watch each other as
I control her masturbation.
come here looking just for it [the Sinulator],” she tells
me in a free-chat box. “It has increased my money. And that’s
why I am here.”
technology, of course, is not limited to the soft forms of
prostitution. The toys can be easily employed by couples.
The traveling salesman, or the corporate, jet- setting wife,
or the long-distance affair—the Sinulator-controlled Rabbit,
WildBlondeCat tells me, is a fun ride for anyone. All that
is needed is an Internet connection, a couple hundred bucks
worth of toys and computers.
advancement in the world of interactive cybersex is the Virtual
Vagina. This is a complete sex-toy system that takes manipulation
to whole different level.
both the bowling-pin-shaped Virtual Hole (for the man) and
the phallic-shaped Virtual Stick (for whomever the man deems
worthy). The Virtual Vagina’s maker, Japanese company Segment
Inc., claims that the Virtual Hole’s “9-motor simulates completely
of women’s mouth, hands and sensation of insertion very detail
by interlocking with images.” The grammar is shaky, but the
idea is simple.
Hole can be manipulated in two ways. One, its massaging actions
can be linked to a video, mimicking the basic movements seen
on the screen. Or two—and this is where it gets interesting—it
can be linked to the Virtual Stick. This phallus is fitted
with sensors that collect pressure and location cues along
its surface and sends that information to the hole, “converted
in realtime and synchronized.”
the guy in the Capital Region with a Virtual Hole strapped
on can be watching a performer in Bangkok, or wherever, work
away at the virtual dick. He will feel the “movements” of
the performer’s hand, mouth, and so forth.
if you have your doubts, as I do, that nine motors and so
much latex could substitute for a flesh-and-blood partner,
you have to admit that the linking of real-time pornographic
images with a rudimentary massaging tube will be a boon for
many people. Think Second Life [“There’s Gold in Them Digital
yet, no communities have sprouted up around the Virtual Vagina,
but this is a new product and has yet to hit the mainstream
of even the porn industry. The Sinulator, on the other hand,
has been around for a couple years and is enjoying a brisk
and growing acceptance. There are plenty of competitors in
the crowded field of teledildonics, each vying for even a
sliver of the billions of dollars annually spent on sex toys
and pornography. It seems almost certain that these companies
will continue to amaze and flabbergast us all with their technological
reach for the stars.
Pen Is Mightier Than the Penis
Jess Fink makes erotic comics to please an oft-overlooked
population of porn consumers: women
robot whose job is to satisfy a decadent and demanding lady.
A woman pretending to be a man in order to sleep with gay
boys—and the occasional straight girl. The internal process
(and accompanying masturbation) of a patron trying to work
herself up to propositioning her waiter.
to the world of Jess Fink’s Dirty Limericks, a pornographic
Web comic created by Troy artist Jess Fink. It’s a sex-drenched
world, of course, but it’s also one with a sense of humor,
where stereotypes get skewered and turned on their heads,
people are sometimes drawn through a fish-eye lens, and sex
is, more often than not, satisfying for all involved.
it when people have new ideas about what sexy is,” says Fink.
“I like presenting that in a happy way.”
artist is in a good position to give the world some inspiration
in that regard. Along with Dirty Limericks and a new
serialized long-form comic on Adultwebcomics .com, her work
has been featured in (and on the cover of) several theme anthologies
(Head, Blowjob, Rear Entry, etc.) published by Fantagraphics’
Eros, and she recently collaborated on a whole issue of Head
with writer Polly Frost.
porn is far from the only artwork Fink does—she also makes
other comics, illustrations and paintings; has a thriving
caricature business and is even working on some kids’ books—she
doesn’t want to be one of those artists who doesn’t talk about
her pornographic work and keeps it segregated to the side.
“Artists have this weird bias toward porno,” she says. “Sex
is just as good a topic for art as anything.”
is not, certainly, what she went to the School of Visual Arts
for. But when she heard from one of her college professors
about Eros Comix, which was supposedly launched in a bid to
improve Fantagraphic’s bottom line, the recent graduate with
a degree in cartooning/illustration thought, “Hey, I
want to make money doing comics!” Looking back, the 25-year-old
wraps her long fingers around her chai and laughs the laugh
of an artist with a day job. “As it turns out, you don’t really
make all that much money doing it.”
had always made erotic drawings, she said, and she dove into
the genre with gusto, submitting work to Eros “the minute
I got out of college.” She took as one of her major inspirations
the Tijuana Bibles, a series of palm-sized eight-page pornographic
comics that were sold on the street in the ’20s and ’30s.
They featured famous people and characters of the day, from
Greta Garbo to Mussolini to Popeye. And, gushes Fink, “They’re
just really really dirty. . . . Popeye has this humongous
penis, and he has sex with Olive Oyl and it comes out her
mouth. It’s great.”
own work, Fink particularly likes filling the void of good
porn for women. “Guys always have porn on their computers.
What do girls look at?” she muses. Not jasmine-scented tea
candles and rose petals, if Fink has anything to do with it.
Fantagraphics first told her that Polly Frost wanted to collaborate,
she admits having been a little nervous. “Whenever I think
of other women doing porn I always think it’s going to be
really flowery and bad. Like romance novels or something .
. . girly, nondescriptive,” she explains. “I like really graphic
stuff. If it’s porn, I want it to be porn. . . . I don’t want
to talk down to women, like, ‘I know you don’t like sex so
I’ll make this easy on you.’” Happily, Frost’s stories were
plenty explicit, as well as fun and fantastical, and the collaboration
has been a success.
does it mean to make porn for women—at least for those who
want something more than romance-novel-style softcore? For
one thing, “Women are attracted to characters, things that
feel real,” says Fink. For another, include men they actually
want to look at. In mainstream porn, she says, the men are
all ugly. Big penises, but ugly. “Maybe Ron Jeremy is someone’s
idea of attractive, but . . .” She shudders.
says she gets lots of comments from women thanking her for
making her male characters more attractive—and also more diverse
along the scale of masculinity. “I like effeminate men,” she
ex plains. And indeed, her work is full of metrosexuals and
may partially explain why Internet fans often think she’s
a gay man. Of course that may also have to do with her enjoying
drawing men kissing each other. She grins. “I take it as a
compliment. People say that, and I’m like ‘Awesome!’”
doesn’t have much sympathy for people who get freaked out
by images of gay male sexuality. She recounts with some glee
a story about an online illustration forum where artists would
post their work for critique. It was not a porn-oriented site,
but highly erotic drawings of women showed up quite frequently.
Lots of, as Fink puts it, “pin-up girls and pretty girls lying
on things.” If, however, you posted an equivalent drawing
of a guy, you’d be ignored at best.
point someone posted some drawings of the Batman characters
Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn kissing and cuddling. Fink rolls
her eyes at the memory. If someone did the same thing with
Batman and Robin, she said to herself, people would go apeshit.
So she did. And received the expected torrent (six pages full)
of outraged comments accusing her of everything from defaming
the characters to making fun of the original artist to depicting
“boy” Robin doing things inappropriate for his age. (“The
Robin I drew did not look like a boy,” she responds.)
other wrong assumptions that fans make? “Well, I really like
poop humor,” she says. (This is, by the way, something of
an understatement for someone whose blog is titled “Jess likes
poop” and who sells earrings in the shape of piles of dog
poop.) “And I’m always worried that people are going think
I’m into poop. And I’m really not at all.”
alert: Below are what our editorial staff thought were some
of the most interesting answers to the questions in this year’s
Metroland sex survey. While we did omit answers that
even we found offensive (and we’re pretty open-minded), some
of the responses printed here are sexually explicit and may
not be suitable for all readers.
Describe the circumstances of the best sex you’ve ever had.
with my husband and an escort on our honeymoon.
my husband asked me to marry him. It was magical.
counter, while making Sunday breakfast with my boyfriend.
Whipped cream, chocolate, honey and some licking were all
and I did the nasty on top of the dryer as guests in a friend’s
home on New Year’s Eve. The house was packed with people who
kept walking in on us. It was fun, hot, messy, and exciting
to think here we are, doing it on my friend’s appliances.
. . . Not romantic, but it was very hot.
around for days with my fiancé having hot sweaty monkey sex.
afternoon on Taconic Crest Trail with my back against a birch
tree and my pants at my knees—the right combination of hot
and cold! The thrill and the chill!
wine, reefer, cocaine, and a hot, horny woman that I knew
for less than an hour made for a helluva night.
sex with my wife; it was unexpected and wonderful for both
27th birthday my boyfriend at the time came to see me (it
was a long- distance relationship). After dinner we came home,
had sex, and drank champagne. After the champagne was gone
and I had about my fifth orgasm, he fucked me with the champagne
bottle. It was mind-blowing.
wife, and our female friend having an evening of dinner, massage,
Describe one fulfilled sex fantasy.
sex with a construction worker: My husband dressed up in a
toolbelt (no pants) and hardhat, standing in an “under construction
acted like he was raping me.
a beach at night in the Bahamas.
snowballed me when I came . . . wow.
two men at once.
my fiancé and another woman make love and then join in and
have the three of us go at it for hours.
blindfolded, handcuffed and teased . . . then pleased.
sex with my wife.
a tent while camping.
What fantasy of yours would you most like to enact?
women in bed at the same time.
my husband have anal sex with a hooker.
a pro athlete.
or at least being told about, my wife sucking and then fucking
one or two strangers.
my wife taking home a girl we met that same night.
sex in a campground in the woods, reenacting the gay sex scene
from Brokeback Mountain, me playing Jack Twist and
my boyfriend playing Ennis del Mar.
my freshman-year English professor in his office.
like to have sex with a woman with genital piercings.
another woman lick my cum out of my fiancée’s freshly fucked
dominated by an incredibly beautiful she-male while my dominatrix
forced to have sex quick and hard.
with two ladies and a small strap-on.
fantasy of yours is best kept a fantasy?
sex with a good friend of mine and my wife.
my wife and another.
involving my married boss tearing my clothes off and pounding
me against the wall.
someone different every day.
abusing a willing and eager slut with my fiancé helping out.
an orgy with my husband and lots of other girls.
sex with another woman with a strap-on.
catching me having sex with another man.
to be fisted as part of a prostate massage medical-fetish
What tactics do you use to keep a long-term relationship hot?
. . . They all fizzle out at some point.
up, being spontaneous, showing how much I want him.
plugging all the holes.
the woman first. Keep her special.
get in long-term relationships for this very reason. They
don’t stay hot!
sex on my mind every day, at least once an hour.
trying out new things, other or extra people.
wine, and hot tub.
married with children; this question does not relate!
positions, places, and themes. Always try to keep it different.
them. Mostly the element of surprise.
What’s the strangest advice you were ever given about sex?
out.” Doesn’t work!
women into obedience and make them suffer.
the Romans do.
until I was 25 to have it. (Yeah, right!)
Wrap can replace a condom in an emergency.
if I ate sperm I would get bigger muscles.
in her mouth so you don’t get her pregnant.
it to get what you want and don’t deserve and certainly don’t
need, just because you can. I believe that’s called whoring.
take advice. I’m fantastic in bed.
when I was told that it didn’t feel that pleasurable. What
an effing liar!
fits in, then it must be a sex toy.
once told me to enter a girl and then spin around like hands
on a clock. He swore it would drive her crazy. I tried it
once and I kept falling out, and our arms and legs got tangled
up. It was the stupidest thing I ever tried. My friend must
be made of rubber!
a fellow passenger on a bus from Portland, Ore., to Denver:
“If someone from Montana or Idaho tells you they’ve never
fucked a cow, they’re lying!” “Where are you from?” “Idaho
. . . ”
What the best come-on you’ve ever heard?
a lollipop in your pants? I sure would like to lick it. (It’s
not that small.)
in a bar came right up to me and whispered that she wanted
to suck me off until I came in her throat. I took her hand
and showed her the way to my car in the parking lot. Nothing
like right to the point!
stay together tonight and just cuddle only?
on my face!
my boyfriend tells me how hot I am and talks dirty.
What’s the oddest thing you’ve ever thought about while having
on a back street in a little town on a motorcycle.
change the oil in my truck later.
list, my job.
it would be like to have sex with her mother.
turn off the stove?
orgy that I saw on an episode of HBO’s Real Sex.
I was going to get my eyebrows waxed.
to cook for dinner.
What’s your craziest sex story your friends still won’t believe?
I can suck my own penis.
a threesome with my fiancé and a hot 21-year-old stripper.
the time when a friend of mine (girl) ate me out in front
of her man while he just watched.
a lesbian on the front lawn of a millionaire’s house at 4
AM because she thought I was a morally responsible person.
chicks in five days.
oral sex while driving. I guess they think that only works
if you’re a guy.
don’t believe I can have an orgasm by just imagining something.
you have an “arrangement” with a long-term partner that allows
for sex with others under limited circumstances, what are
sex, and I have to be there.
calls during the week, weekends only.
have to make sure that it is safe sex.
the truth to her after the fact.
have to be involved.
would be no such arrangement.
no exes, no dates, and preferably no sleepovers.
I know about it ahead of time, or I get to watch.
Tell us about the best sexual surprise you’ve ever had.
it on a plane, in the bathroom with a steward guy.
cool it feels to have ice on my clit!
having sex in the doggy position, he pulled out and licked
my behind. It was the first time and I loved it.
knows I think men in Air Force flight suits are hot! My husband
decided to do a little shopping at the Army/Navy store. When
I returned home that night, I entered the door and he was
waiting for me dressed in a flight suit!
up to my boyfriend going down on me.
high-school teacher seduced me while I was in college.
out my attractive gay friend wanted me to give him a blowjob,
and then doing so.
that my fiancée liked women too.
What’s the strangest place you’ve ever had sex?
Dollar Staircase in the Capitol building.
February, in the North Country, in a tent—at 10 below zero.
overlooking Lake Placid in the middle of the day while people
were jogging or walking by, and most of them stopped to watch!
Denny’s restaurant on a box of hash browns in the back room
while employed there.
picnic table outside my old insurance office.
Lionheart. Or maybe the playground. Empty house under construction.
girlfriend’s kitchen table when I was about 16 while her best
friend sat there and watched and her mother napped on the
couch in the living room.
What’s the strangest place you’ve ever masturbated?
room in a department store.
a glass so my ex-girlfriend could do a shot.
at my desk when I worked as a receptionist.
car while driving down I-90 during my lunch break.
family van in the middle of a trip to Florida. (I was very
What’s your favorite sex toy?
monster—it vibrates and rotates.
beads and an electric finger-tip dildo.
G-spot toy. It’s awesome!
What’s your favorite sex toy that wasn’t meant to be a sex
phone on vibrate.
new electric toothbrush.
bottle that fits just right.
spoon, belts, TV remote, do I need to go on?
from my kitchen faucet—it come off with one screw, and it
has a little knob at the end of it. Great for anal probing.
plastic note clip. Makes a great nipple clamp.
a few hits on a bong, she showed me a new use for that item.
y Vega tube.
control from an old television.
What sexual discovery has changed your life?
swinging can be a lot of fun.
I love receiving oral sex!
Tingling Pleasure Mint Lubricant.
time I had sex with a woman. Hot, fun, and a great experience,
but I need cock every once and a while!
that falling in love is very sexy.
of women are just as horny as guys; the man simply has to
unlock that emotion.
of the BDSM world.
that I was bi and embracing it. Now I find that I can admire
men as much as I do women.
I learned how to lick my lover’s clit and bring her to orgasm.
staying healthy and physically in shape is the best aphrodisiac.
I’m never going to stop!
I like to have my ass licked and probed. My orgasms are so
much more intense.
What’s your best story about watching or being watched?
a girlfriend at St. Rose that always thought that her roommate
was sleeping! No way; when I would look over there she was
staring at us every time!
have to be receiving punishments at a dungeon with onlookers.
years ago I was regularly hanging out with these two guys.
One night, they came over and we put a porn video on. They
started kissing and touching me and eventually we moved into
my bedroom. I sucked guy No. 1’s dick while the other guy
fucked me from behind. Guy No. 2 freaked out for some reason
and decided he no longer wanted to participate; he’d rather
watch. So he sat on the bed and watched guy No. 1 do me. At
one point, guy No. 2 and I locked eyes and it was so hot.
I still fantasize about it.
a friend watch me masturbate via Webcam.
my fiancée be with another woman for the first time (followed
closely by her being with another man).
having a threesome with my mouth on one and bent over for
the other; their cousin was watching.
and I were housesitting at an extremely beautiful house. We
were very horny and decided to get a little in the kitchen.
The kitchen had a dining-room table in front of French glass
doors. I climbed on the table positioned like a patient at
the gynecologist, with my legs spread, feet on the table and
butt at the edge. She was enjoying herself between my legs
when I noticed the exterminator peering through the French
patio doors enjoying himself watching two women making love
orally on the kitchen table. It was too late to turn back
so we finished pleasurably. Hope he enjoyed it as much as
and I had a contest to see who could hold out longer not touching
the other person. I waited a couple of days, then just started
masturbating while he watched. He could only watch for about
a minute and then he was on top of me. I won the bet and had
great sex. It was like having my cake and eating it too.
upon a young couple fucking near a remote upstate lake. Watching
them undetected, I could not help but jerk a load of cum from
my throbbing cock.
What would most improve your sex life?
way to find local like-minded people.
much in common with a girl besides sex.
partners in an accepting, mutually secure format.
going to bed earlier.
time with my boyfriend.
it more often!
a nice girlfriend and enjoy the completeness of a satisfying
of it, and getting my wife to swallow!
could get an erection again (bad erectile dysfunction).
able to last longer. God, I miss my days of youth!
my nipple pierced.
What is your favorite turn-on?
a woman who is confident of her sexiness and is willing to
be an active partner, and one who isn’t embarrassed to play
with herself while I am watching.
having hot, kinky sex with each other.
tops without bottoms, a nice ass, a trimmed pussy.
my hair pulled.
who aren’t afraid to say what they want.
woman with a fun sense of humor.
whisper in my ear.
and rape fantasies with a strong mistress.
pornos—for some reason it turns me on so much.
ass, without a doubt one of the world’s natural beauties.
me and do me” kind of thing.
How has technology enhanced your sex life?
The computer has ruined mine; I’m on the damn thing way too
have to buy porn anymore. I get it free on the ’Net.
is fun to look at hot chicks!
it hasn’t ruined it, which is more than I can say for the
RPI geeks I went to college with who just talked on Instant
Messenger every night but never got laid!
make my own pornos.
messages can be extremely hot.
porn is very nice.
send dirty pictures.
batteries! They make me moan.