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I’ve
been married to my husband for two years and have been with
him for four. I’m a little dominant, but beyond that nothing
too out there. My husband, on the other hand, is a diaper-loving,
transvestite adult baby.
I’ve done everything I can to make him realize that while
I’m not into his kink, I’m not against it. I’ve bought him
diapers (cloth and disposable), I’ve set aside a room in our
house to be his “nursery,” one weekend a month he gets to
be his little-girl self all weekend, and I peg him because
he likes to feel submissive and dirty. He knows that I worry—as
someone who works with children—that it could get out and
ruin my career, but I’m OK with all the play even if it’s
not my sexual cup of tea.
However, lately our vanilla sex life is suffering. When it’s
playtime, he always wants to come in his diapers. When it’s
not playtime, he lies there like a lump. Now he’s decided
that he doesn’t want to have sex unless it’s playtime. The
past three months, when I explained that I would like my turn,
he came too quickly for me to have any enjoyment. I know he
can hold off longer—he always does when in diapers—and I’m
getting really frustrated.
He says he knows he’s being selfish, but he’s just not interested
in regular sex. Then he cries and says he’s a freak and he
doesn’t know why I stay with him. I’m very close to walking
out and taking a break, even though I believe that marriage
is for life. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything
I can think of, even compromising the “my turn” rule by letting
him whine and cry and pretend to be a baby during my turn.
I’m tired of my baby girl; I want my husband back.
—Beyond
Annoyed
It’s
rare these days that I’m shocked by an e-mail, BA, but your
letter did it. Several hours have passed since I read it and,
damn, I’m still shocked.
Let me be clear: I’m not shocked by the train wreck that is
your husband’s collection of kinks. I’ve seen worse. (Never
done worse, though. When the guy I’m fucking cries,
it’s always a manly, adult sort of sobbing.) What shocks me
is your husband’s stupidity, coupled with his shortsightedness—both
of which are being madly humped by his ingratitude.
Does your “baby girl” realize what he’s got in you? The world
is crawling—literally crawling—with adult babies who are alone
and single and miserable and always will be. While
the Internet has made it possible for adult babies to find
each other more easily, a shared interest in nappies and nurseries
doesn’t guarantee compatibility. Plus, female adult babies
are scarcer than folks who can read “my husband whines and
cries and pretends to be a baby during sex” without hurling.
Your husband should be doing everything in his power to keep
you happy.
My advice: Take that break. Cut the little brat off—no more
baby games until he can successfully wrap his bonnet around
this: Your pleasure matters as much as his does. Then
tell him that although he may not be interested in regular
sex, he better learn to fake it convincingly. And finally,
BA, tell him that his continued failure to meet your vanilla
needs is gonna get his diapered ass divorced, leaving him
single and shit out of luck, sex-partner wise, for the
rest of his adult infancy.
“Dump
the honest foot fetishist,” I warned a woman a few weeks ago,
“and I guarantee that you will marry the dishonest necrophiliac.”
That’s the Karmic Rule of Kink. But vanilla partners are not
the only ones subject to KROK. For kinksters lucky enough
to be with generous vanilla partners, your somewhat-less-pithy
version of KROK goes like this: “Drive off an indulgent, understanding,
adventurous partner by failing to joyfully accommodate his
or her desires for vanilla sex and you will never get
your kinky rocks off again without having to pay a professional
$500 an hour to put up with your bullshit.”
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My wife is GGG in every way. She accepts my crossdressing
to the point of buying me dresses. But she does not want to
participate in anal sex at all. Not me doing her, but her
doing me—that is, pegging. This is the one area of our sex
life together where she is rather inflexible. I have assured
her that I would empty myself as fully as possible via enemas
beforehand—no dice. I have had to settle for using a dildo
duct-taped to the shower wall about once a week to satisfy
my needs. My darling wife is aware of this practice, but she
doesn’t participate in any way.
Do you have any suggestions for me that may enable her to
join me in the pleasuring of my ass?
—Great
Anal Pegging I’m Not Getting
You’ve
done all you can, GAPING, and now you need to accept that
pegging is off the menu. And like BA’s husband, your lot is
pretty damn spectacular. A wife who’s down with your crossdressing,
isn’t bothered by the duct-tape residue on the shower wall,
and remains flexible in every area of your sex life save one?
Your wife has fewer hang-ups than I do, GAPING. Suck it up.
In response to Not Coming Around, using sex toys may
not be enough to move her to the orgasmic column. She needs
to do Kegel exercises (there’s a plethora of information online).
Flexing these muscles while using toys may be the solution.
And a note to Marla, the winning bidder who gave advice in
last week’s column: iPod sex toys already exist—and they vibrate
in time to the music! Marla can order one at www.ibuzz.co.uk!
—No
Witty Sign Off
Thanks
for sharing, NWSO.
Is it true that no electric current passes through the
chest cavity (heart) if a person strictly follows the guidelines
of keeping the e-stim below the waist, as in the case of an
anal plug and cock ring?
—My
Buzzing Boys
“The
small currents used for erotic electrostimulation (AKA e-stim)
take a relatively direct path between two points on or in
the body,” says Eric Forbes of SexTek, makers of the best
e-stim products out there. So long as you wire your cock ring
and butt plug correctly, MBB, the current is “only stimulating
the local nerves and muscles in the immediate area of the
anus and genitals. As long as the contacts are below the waist,
the heart will not be stimulated.”
Still, the gang at SexTek forbids anyone with heart problems
or implanted electronic medical devices like pacemakers from
using their products—with the possible exception of the vice
president—as e-stim devices can interfere with these devices.
You can learn more about e-stim and check out the goods at
www.sextek.com.
Confidential to Kendall: Your DJ boyfriend isn’t “into” kissing
in public? Tell that laptop jockey that women like you—tall
blondes with a thing for Battlestar Galactica—don’t come along
every damn day either.
A
new Savage Love podcast is available for download every Tuesday
at www.thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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