was shocked to read your response to Not Giving Up last week.
Dan, how could you? For years, you have been our go-to guy
for uncommon sexual knowledge. So it made me want to cry when
I read your column about Joan Sewell’s book I’d Rather Eat
Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido. How could you write
these words: “And I’m saddened to report that, according to
Sewell… there’s no such thing as a woman who wants sex constantly.
They don’t exist.” Sure, you put the phrase, “according to
Sewell” in there, but you never once mentioned that there
are tons of sex-crazed women out there. Is it possible that
you don’t believe we exist?
I am a sex-crazed woman! And I have heard it all, Dan. The
excuses (“I’m just too tired!”), the insults (“You’re like
a fucking dog in heat!”), and even the breakups (“I want a
relationship that’s about more than just sex”). So set the
record straight, Dan: Women with high libidos exist! Shatter
the myth! Isn’t that what you do best?
Unsatisfied Cock-loving Kid Here In Maryland
could have shattered the myth myself, FUCKHIM, and called
Sewell on her crap. But what good would that have done? If
I ranted about all the women I know out there with high libidos—including
the female half of a straight swinging couple who came over
for dinner last week—Sewell and her ilk would have shrugged
it off. “Of course he would say that,” they would have said,
gripping their chocolate bars a little tighter. “He’s a man.”
Instead, I accepted the premise of Sewell’s book—women have
naturally lower libidos than men—and ran with it, addressing
women with low libidos as if their condition wasn’t just the
“norm,” also a debatable point, but the natural state of all
women everywhere. I did this knowing that the response from
women with high libidos would be deafening—and harder for
the Sewells of the world to dismiss.
Love your column, love you. But your column regarding
women and their libidos was dead wrong. My friends and I can
vouch for the existence of women who think about sex constantly
and who want sex constantly—and not just the handjob/blowjob
variety. Straight-up, dead-on, penis-in-vagina—or wherever—sex!
You are absolutely right in this regard: You cannot have monogamy
and a low libido. I have given quite a few men their walking
papers because of this.
wanted to chime in on women and our supposedly low libidos.
I expect that this is true for many women, perhaps even most.
However, it isn’t true for me. On an average day, I would
prefer to have sex twice. This is too much sex for the average
man. Men think they want sex every day, but when given the
opportunity, they start complaining about how tired they are
after a week or two. I have always been this way, since I
was a teenager, so it’s not just some hormone surge or something.
Past boyfriends have called me everything from a nympho (I
am not) to a whore (I’m actually good at monogamy). A couple
guys did behave as though they had discovered the Holy Sex
Grail, which did help me to stop feeling so ashamed.
Jeez, Dan, you really are not helping us lesbians by continuing
to write bullshit like all lesbians like to sit around and
eat Doritos rather than have sex! I would sooner be seen sucking
some random guy’s dick on the street than eating a bag of
Doritos! I like to have hot sex with my girlfriend all the
time, and we’ve been together for over a year.
I am a 30-year-old woman with a strong libido, so I don’t
know if my advice to women with low libidos is very valuable,
but I’m surprised that in that entire rant you failed to mention
alcohol or pot. A glass of wine or a few hits usually have
me ready to hump the nearest thing to a phallus in sight within
minutes. And the doctor recommends a glass of wine a day!
Of The Few
Oh, Dan, you continue to rock my world. So many of my straight
male friends are trapped in marriages where the woman stopped
having sex the day they said the vows (and stopped giving
head the day she got the engagement ring). But can you warn
guys that they, too, can’t expect fidelity if they won’t put
out? Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I don’t have a healthy
sex drive, and I’m tired of libido flagging boys saying I’m
a whore just ’cause I want it once a week. I’m expecting to
hear more of that, thanks to Sewell’s book.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dan! Your response to NGU
was 110-percent right. I am a single woman with a high libido!
Day after day, I listen to my married female friends talk
like they would rather have a root canal than put out or give
their husbands a handjob. The advice you gave is great: Put
out on a regular basis or be prepared for your husband to
have flings with women like me!
Sexed Single Chick
get enough letters from women with high libidos? There are
tons—tons—at www.thestranger .com/savage/lustyladies.
With nothing but time on my hands this week, I slipped out
of the office and went to the movies. Have you seen 300 yet?
It’s about a handful of lightly armed ancient Greeks—the Spartans—who
take on the mighty and massive Persian army. Some feel the
film is homophobic; some feel it’s a conservative, pro-war
piece of agitprop.
Homophobic? It’s Ann Coulter on a meth binge.
The Persian army is an armed gay-pride parade, a threat to
all things decent and, er, Greek. The king of the Spartans—among
the most notorious boy-fuckers in all of ancient history—dismisses
Athenian Greeks as weak-willed “philosophers and boy lovers.”
The Persian emperor? An eight-foot-tall black drag queen—mascara,
painted-on eyebrows, pink lip gloss. Emperor RuPaul is positively
obsessed with men kneeling in front of him. Why gay up the
Persians? So that straight boys in the theater can identify
with the Spartan king and his 300 soldiers—all of whom appear
to have been recruited from and outfitted by the International
What isn’t up for debate is the film’s politics. The only
times the Persian army doesn’t look like a gay-pride parade
in hell, it looks like a crowd of madly chanting Islamic militants.
And if the Spartan king has to break the Spartan law to defend
Spartan freedoms? Well, sometimes a king’s gotta do what a
king’s gotta do. Because, as the queen of Sparta points out,
freedom isn’t free. And, yes, she uses exactly those words.
George Bush is going to blow a load in his pants when he sees
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.