love my wife. We’ve been married 10 years. Young punk-rock
love turned into adult debt-ridden love. She’s been there
for me, helps me achieve my goals, all that. But she’s let
herself go, while I’ve gotten myself into better shape.
I pride myself on being a good husband. I’ve been 100-percent
faithful, I clean, I tell her I love her. I don’t want to
hurt her. I love her. I just don’t lust for her anymore. My
wife’s skin is a mess, she has dietary issues that cause gnarly
gas, she eats bad food that causes her to gain weight. I always
thought I was against the society-imposed, magazine-model,
porn-star look girls are supposed to have. So it’s hard for
me to admit that I’m not cool enough to think my wife is hot
the way she is.
I’ve started stoning to dull the fact that I’m hating on myself
for not being hot for my wife. She’s picking up on all of
this, which is affecting her mood, self-esteem, and energy
levels. And since she tends to eat more when things aren’t
going well for us, this is creating a hugely negative feedback
loop on the weight-and-lust fronts.
When almost any girl you see is hotter to you than your wife
. . . what the fuck do you do? When the desire to be with
someone who actually turns you on is overwhelming . . . what
the fuck do you do? When people you find attractive, women
and men, hit on you all the time . . . what the fuck do you
And Royally Depressed
you give up or drive yourself crazy over this situation, HARD,
you need to have an honest talk with your wife. It’s simple:
Tell your wife that you no longer find her attractive. It’s
called being honest.
It is quite possible that she has no idea that her out-of-shapeness
is a turnoff, especially if she has never been told! Try saying
something like this: “Honestly, I love you, but I’m not as
physically attracted as I’d like to be. Can I help you work
out a bit?” Then perhaps pick up a set of weights at a garage
sale, set up a full-length mirror in a spare room, and work
out together as a couple. Or take her for long walks. Or,
if she’s a foodie, encourage her to garden; a lot of calories
get burned when you fork over your own vegetable patch!
But start with complete honesty. It’s not that hard to say,
“You have gotten fat and unattractive and my sex drive is
nil, so can we do something about it before I bail on you?”
My goodness! Whatever happened to being honest? Sit your partner
down and tell her you love her in every way but you are not
attracted to her due to her appearance. “You are out of shape
and it’s killing our relationship” is a good place to start!
Stress how much you care, bring up the health thing, and tell
her you want her to live a long, happy life, but impress upon
her that this is a problem that might lead you to leave.
Open communication means revealing your thoughts so the other
person can take action. Which sometimes means saying, “Unless
you take up jogging and lose 35 pounds, sweetie, I’m going
to have a hard time being sexually excited about you.” The
partner either laces up the running shoes or they waddle on
with their life.
My boyfriend and I are both in our 20s, we’re GGG, and
we’ve experimented enough to know what we both like. There’s
only one thing that I’d like to try that he can’t help me
with: I’d like to be with a girl. He feels that if I get to
be with a girl, then he should get to be with her, or another
woman. I feel that any experience I have with a woman wouldn’t
threaten him, as I have no interest in having a relationship
with a woman. I’d be fine if he wanted to be with another
man. But he has no interest in being with a guy. I know what
you’re going to write: Shut up and have a threesome! We’ve
talked about that, but it would be too hard for me to watch
him with another girl.
This is an argument that we keep coming back to and it always
ends up with us having a semiserious fight. Help us out!
A Girl Alone
you’re proposing, WAGA, is basically this: “I get to do this
thing I want to do (eat a little pussy) and in exchange you
get to do this thing you don’t want to do (suck a little cock).”
That’s hardly fair. If you’re too threatened by the idea of
your boyfriend going to bed with someone besides you whom
he would like to fuck, then you have to forgo bedding someone
besides him whom you would like to fuck. The end.
I am a 21-year-old, attractive straight male with an
identical twin brother, also straight. I’ve never understood
the “twin-fetish” thing, and whenever girls mentioned it,
my response was confusion and disgust. Thing is, I was at
a party with my brother a week ago, and this girl stated quite
plainly that she had a thing for twins and wanted to do both
of us at the same time. This girl is hot—great body, fuck-me
eyes, likes to take control. And so my brother and I decided
that we weren’t so disgusted with the idea after all.
I have two questions: How common is this twin-fetish thing?
And where’s the incest line? This girl says she wants to see
my brother and me kiss, but I don’t want to do that if it
crosses the incest line.
amazing how quickly “confusion and disgust” at a proposed
position/kink/sibling-combo-platter morphs into “comprehension
and desire” when someone with come-fuck-me eyes/tits/asscheeks,
etc., does the propositioning. Bill O’Reilly wants to rub
falafels on your tits? You’re not interested. Milo Ventimiglia
wants to rub falafels on your tits? You’re in the kitchen
mashing up chickpeas in your underwear.
Anyway, how common is the twin-fetish thing? Common enough
for beer and chewing-gum companies to market their products
exploiting your kind, ANT, and, in a related development,
common enough to have its very own porn genre. Rest assured
that you and your brother are going to receive proposals like
this one so long as you insist on being young and attractive
and identical. (With the notable exception of Viola and Sebastian,
fraternal twins aren’t nearly as compelling.)
As to where you should draw the “incest line,” well, different
people draw that line in different places. Personally, I feel
there’s something vaguely incestuous about being in the same
time zone when one of my siblings is getting it on with someone—hell,
I’m uncomfortable being in the same time zone when one of
my siblings is showering. So you’ll have to look inside yourself,
ANT, and then look at the outside of that smoking-hot girl
again, before you can decide where to draw that line.
But I’m sure I speak for everyone out there reading this column
when I say this: If you decide to go ahead with this threesome,
whether it includes incestuous twin tongue kisses or not,
we all wanna see the video on XTube.
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.