visiting my family for the holidays, my 72-year-old father
informed me that a 29-year-old Russian woman was coming to
America to be with him. He could hardly contain his excitement.
Dad didn’t want me to tell my brother and sister, because
he knew they would be critical of him being with a 29-year-old
Russian virgin. He’s correct. They would judge him. But I
couldn’t care less who he fucks.
I did ask if he had sent this woman any money. He insisted
that he had not. Over the next couple days, I got my father
to confess to sending this woman more than $3,000 (he won’t
give me the real number). A few days later he went to the
airport to meet his lovely Russian girlfriend. Obviously,
no Russian woman got off the plane.
I have since had some conversations with my dad about the
likelihood that a legitimate 29-year-old woman—or even a 50-year-old
woman—would want to be with a 72-year-old man in bad health.
There is nothing exceptional about him. He is overweight,
basically lives on social security with enough left in retirement
savings for some luxury in life, has no special talents that
would make a much younger woman attracted to him, i.e., he
is not Jack Nicholson, etc. I encouraged him to think about
more age-appropriate partners and did some internet searches
for him on legit dating websites. He’s not interested in anyone
close to his age. Those women are “old,” he says.
Dad says he’s lonely without female companionship. I don’t
think this is about being lonely. He works on occasion for
my brother, goes out with family and friends. I think it is
about an old man who wants to recapture his youth by being
with a younger woman. Which is fine. But as his son, I feel
obligated to protect what little my father has. He has already
been scammed once. We have always had a good relationship.
But he confides in me less now because I “lectured” him about
his Russian girlfriend and the age difference.
Should I help him with the dream of finding a much younger
woman? Or, do I continue down the path of convincing him to
seek out women who, if not age-appropriate, at least have
similar life experiences?
Fools Like Old Fools
your dad admits to sending this woman $3K, NFLOF, he probably
sent her 10 times that. Explain to your father that he can
have a hot younger woman whenever he wants—by renting one,
an honest pro, a decent whore, someone who only wants to take
him for her reasonable, hourly rate. Yes, he’ll be paying
for it, but he’ll be paying a lot less and actually getting
it. With a little effort, you and your dad can find a kind,
understanding pro, someone he can see regularly, and he can
establish a “relationship” of sorts, one that involves a little
companionship and affection, real or simulated, and not just
It may not be legal, of course, but it’s the only way a man
who isn’t rich and famous—like Donald Trump or Fred Thompson—can
land a 29-year-old bride.
And finally, NFLOF, you need to discuss what went down with
your siblings and talk to your father’s doc, if he has one.
If he’s dangerously out of touch with reality—like Donald
Trump or Fred Thompson—you may need to step in and take over
his finances before his next mail-order bride takes him for
all he’s worth.
Here’s what’s up: My wife and I were making love the
other night and after about 20 minutes of great sex she told
me she was going to come. She went ahead and had a great orgasm
and then pretty much shut down. I was left lying on the bed
with a huge hard-on and the expectation that she would “help”
me out a little bit. But after a few minutes, it became apparent
she had no intention of doing anything but going to sleep.
We had a minifight about it later. She felt that since on
other (rare) occasions I have had an orgasm and she hasn’t,
it was OK to leave me the way she did. What gives? I have
a case, don’t I?
Incidentally, for some reason after 10 minutes of this bickering,
we were both still turned on and we ended up having sex again—and
this time we both got off!
long as you’ve offered to get the wife off on those occasions
when you’ve come first—and made the offer with a smiling,
upbeat, only-too-happy-to-do-it tone in your voice, LQ, and
followed through—she is obligated to do the same. If, however,
you’ve rolled over and passed out on those occasions when
you’ve come first, she is under no obligation to treat your
ass with any more consideration.
I have been dating my girlfriend for six months and
we are passionate about each other, making love at least twice
a day. We’re very much in love. My girlfriend’s best friend
is a gay male whom she dated in high school before he came
out. I asked my girlfriend about taking a vacation together
this year and she told me that she can’t because she’s going
to Italy for two weeks with her gay ex. Is this screwed up
or am I freaking out about nothing? I mean, she is going away
for two weeks with her ex-boyfriend who now just happens to
six months, JJ, you don’t have the seniority to make demands
on your girlfriend where travel companions are concerned.
And he’s gay, you idiot. They dated in high school.
He is, for all intents and purposes, her girlfriend now—he
probably always was. Seeing as he’s just a friend, JJ,
why shouldn’t she travel with him? What are you afraid of?
That he’s going to streak her hair over there?
If you can’t be chill about this, you’re going to sabotage
this relationship. You haven’t been dating that long, so she
either made these plans before you met or before you two became
serious. At a year and six months—maybe—you would have
a right to be aggrieved if she was running off for two weeks
with a friend, preventing you two from getting away together.
But at this point, any bitching from you is going to raise
red flags. If you’re smart—and the jury’s out—you’ll say,
“Gee, I wish I was going with you—I can’t wait until we can
travel together and fuck our way across Europe.” And, if you
must, you can add, “I know it’s completely irrational,
but I’m feeling a little jealous and threatened. Tell me again
how completely and thoroughly and screamingly
gay your ex is, please.” Say that with a smile so she’ll laugh,
then you fake a laugh, and then take them both out
to dinner, give them a travel guide, and tell ’em you hope
they have fun over there.
And who knows? If you play your cards right, JJ, you might
get invited along. But if you act like a jealous, irrational
douchebag, you’re definitely going to get your ass dumped.
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.