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I’m
a 20-year-old bi girl and I’ve been with my boyfriend a little
over a year. We’ve talked about having an FFM threesome, but
the first time we talked about it, we realized that we were
not on the same page, and now every time I try to bring up
the possibility of a threesome we end up in an argument. I’d
like to talk about some rules, just in case it happens as
he imagines it—we pick up a girl at a bar—but he won’t talk
to me, because he claims that it would make a threesome not
as spontaneous. Also, there’s an unspoken worry that my desire
to have a threesome is just a way for me to explore having
sex with a woman while he watches. I admit that this is what
I was most interested in, in the beginning, but I’ve since
gotten pretty turned on by the idea of him fucking another
girl if I tell him to. Any advice on what I should do?
—No
Rules For The Game
Before
we get to an answer—an answer, NRFTG, not my answer—a brief
note. I feel deeply honored every morning when I open my laptop
and see the huge number of e-mails that poured in overnight.
You, my readers, share the most intimate details of your lives
with me, you open your hearts and pour out your hopes and
your fears, and you often attach pictures. (Pics of your hot
boyfriend? Good. Pics of your mysterious genital rash? Bad.)
I am always deeply humbled by your trust. A sacred bond ties
an advice columnist to his readers and I would never do anything
to violate or weaken that bond.
But once a year I do allow a complete stranger to rummage
through your e-mails, pluck out a few letters, and give this
advice business a whirl. Meet Eric Rescorla. He paid somewhere
in the vicinity of the high-mid-to-low four figures for the
privilege of taking my advice column out for a spin. The money
went to charity (www.farestart.org), and I didn’t let Eric
keep copies of your e-mail addresses or any of the photos
you enclosed. (That’s a hell of a rash you’ve got there, Doris
In Dallas; go see a doctor, would you?) Eric is a computer
security specialist who lives in the SF Bay Area and so, like
me, is completely unqualified to advise anyone about anything.
And here’s his advice for you, NRFTG.
“Let
me see if I have this right: You’re offering your boyfriend
what’s probably the number-one straight-male fantasy and he’s
bitching because it’s not spontaneous?” asks Eric, rhetorically.
“Basically, there are two possibilities here: (1) Your boyfriend
is too dumb to live. (2) He’s sincerely worried that you just
want to use this threesome as an excuse to fuck other women,
and based on your letter, it sounds like you’ve given him
some reason to.
“That
said, seeing as much of the purpose of the exercise is for
him to fuck other women, it’s hard to see that he has any
grounds for complaint on that score. So, either way, he’s
pretty much a moron and should grow up, quit whining, and
enjoy the threesome.”
I’m a 23-year-old gay male. And while I am social, I
don’t really hit the clubs or find myself surrounded by other
gay guys, so I don’t have many dates and I haven’t been in
many relationships. Aside from the internet and clubs, where
would you suggest I go to meet some guys? Should I just suck
it up and throw myself into the scene?
—Eager
To Meet
“I’m
straight so I don’t know too much about meeting gay guys in
particular,” says Eric. “But in my experience, meeting partners
in general is pretty much a matter of sucking it up and going
for it. Or you could do what I did and buy the right to meet
a middle-aged gay sex columnist in next year’s Strangercrombie
auction.”
Hmph. I have to take exception to Eric’s advice for ETM. I
don’t consider 34 to be “middle-aged,” for starters, and for
enders I’m a married sex-advice columnist who happens to be
gay, not a gay sex-advice columnist that ETM here could have
for the price of a Savage Love guest slot. But I’d be happy
to introduce you to some of my young, single, gay friends
if you make the winning bid next year, ETM.
I am writing because I recently found out that my dad
has a problem with online porn. My dad is clueless with technology,
and he leaves tracks all over the computer, never deletes
his history, opens every popup ad, etc., and it is really
fucking up our at-home system and embarrasses us whenever
someone else uses the computer.
He’s not just an occasional user, either. This is multiple
times a day, every day. I tried to brush it off until my sister
walked in on him looking at—not jerking off to, thankfully—an
X-rated video. On Christmas Day, right before dinner. In the
computer room, which is in the main hallway of the house,
with the door open.
So, what do you think? Do we ignore this? Get a filtering
program? Send him an anonymous message?
—Concerned
Older Sister
“Finally
a question I’m qualified to answer,” says Eric.
“If
your dad wants to cover his tracks on the computer, there
are a bunch of solutions. The best is always to get a totally
isolated computer, but that’s a fairly large investment. You
can certainly make your father a new account on this computer,
but that won’t stop viruses and you still have to worry about
him leaving files around.
“I’m
assuming you’re running Windows and what I recommend here
is virtualization software. This is software that lets you
run a ‘virtual’ computer on top of your real computer. The
virtual computer has its own copy of Windows, its own browser,
and its own virtual disk. Your dad can do his porn surfing
on the virtual machine and can even set it to reset itself
whenever the virtual computer is restarted, so there’s no
need to worry about leaving tracks. It takes a little technical
sophistication to get this working, since you need to install
Windows on the virtual machine, but once it’s running, any
idiot can use it. There are a number of vendors of virtualization
software, but I recommend VMware because you can download
a free version of VMware Server for home use. Also, if you’re
running the business versions of XP or Vista you can download
Microsoft’s Virtual PC for free.
“But
based on your letter, COS, I wonder whether he’s just technically
clueless. It doesn’t take a computer expert to realize that
watching porn in the main hallway with the door partly open
carries a real risk of discovery—which may actually be what
he wants. However, given that this is embarrassing you and
your family, I don’t see any alternative but to confront him
and tell him he needs to do a better job of hiding his habit
and that you’re willing to help him with that. I’m sure that
will be excruciating, but probably a lot less bad than walking
in on Dad jerking off to internet porn.”
That concludes this very special, guest-authored, all-for-charity
installment of Savage Love. You can read more advice from
Eric for Savage Love readers at www.thestranger.com/ savage/eric,
and Eric blogs/rants daily at www.educatedguesswork.org.
Download
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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