am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 30. He’s been married
three times and has six children from a variety of women.
I know, I know, it sounds bad. But he’s one of those guys
who wanted a family. Anyway, long story short, I feel insecure
because he has had a million experiences and I have not. So
I asked him to take his porn off our computer. He did so.
When I came home today and sat at the computer, I noticed
there was lubricant next to the keyboard. I thought to myself,
“That’s not where I saw you last.” I looked at his folders
(I know: violation of privacy) and I didn’t see any porn.
So I went to the internet browser to look at the “history”
and guess what? It had all been deleted. I know his computer
is not set to automatic history clearance, so he had to clear
Can I be a bitch and ask him about this? “I noticed that you
deleted your history—and what is the lube doing here?” Or
should I let it drop? I know it’s unrealistic to expect him
never to masturbate. I just don’t want him looking at other
girls while he does. My bitchy side is just roaring to get
The Bitch Caged
we have here, KTBC, is a failure to correctly diagnose the
Why is this 30-year-old, thrice-married, six-times-a-father
guy with you? Because men like your boyfriend prefer to date
pathetic, inexperienced 20-year-olds because they’re foolish
enough—you are foolish enough—to swallow his bullshit (“I’m
one of those guys who always wanted a family”) and regurgitate
it on cue (“He’s one of those guys who always wanted a family”).
Someone who wants a family doesn’t start and destroy three
of them before age 30. Those aren’t the actions of an aspiring
family man, little miss, those are the actions of a sociopath.
As for his masturbatory habits, KTBC, as I see it, the more
of his supercharged spunk that winds up in dirty T-shirts
and crusty socks, the better. Married three times, six kids
by a variety of women, and a 20-year-old girlfriend who, due
to her youth and inexperience, fails to see his marital and
reproductive histories for the relationship-ending deal breakers
they ought to be, and who sends advice columnists letters
about his porn use instead of, say, the most effective possible
forms of birth control available to her: Once again, KTBC,
the more of his spunk that winds up in the laundry, and not
in you, the better.
Dump him. DTMFA. And find a new boyfriend—not one who never
masturbates, as that man doesn’t exist. All men masturbate
(most women do, all should), all men look at porn (many women
do, more should), and all women need to get over the porn
and masturbation thing. If you want a male in your life who
you can order never to look at porn or masturbate—if you want
a male you can castrate— get a dog.
Just before I married, I got a CB-2000 male chastity
device and gave it to my wife as a joke Xmas present. She
had previous mates fool around on her and I wanted to let
her know I was serious.
We played with it some and a year later she got me a CB-3000.
Soon she was keeping me in it for a week at a time. Now she
keeps me in it for a month at a time. While I have adjusted
to this, I miss being able to masturbate when I want to. I
have tried to talk her into allowing me to be free again and
she refuses. It’s not that she’s afraid I will fool around,
but she believes that I’m more attentive, caring, and loving
when kept in this condition. Is it becoming more common for
wives to keep their husbands in chastity?
Over Cock Kept Erotically Denied
LOCKED, it’s not. Unfortunately, bullshit letters are all
So you bought an expensive male chastity device as a gag gift—those
CB-2000s start at $150—because, hey, there’s nothing a woman
with adultery issues wants more at Christmas than a gag gift
that plays on her fears and insecurities. You must be a gas
at funerals, LOCKED. And now your wife keeps your dick locked
up for a month at a time. Against your will. And you’re powerless
to do anything about it.
If your wife keeps you in chastity—if you have a wife—it’s
because being locked up in a CB-3000 turns you on. Like most
male chastity fetishists, you find the scenario more exciting
if it’s something your wife does to you, not something you
have to beg the wife to do, but you can’t expect the rest
of us to play along. If you want to see your fetish discussed
in Savage Love, just be honest. Send me a letter that says,
“Write about the freaky shit that turns me on!” But don’t
make up some bullshit scenario.
Oh, and KTBC? You have options besides a castrated dog: Dump
the motherfucker you’re with, go to the message boards at
www.male chastityforum.com, and you’ll find guys whose ultimate
fantasy is being with a woman so insecure, or so controlling,
that she wants to keep his cock under lock and key.
I am a 25-year-old gay man. I love sex. So does my boyfriend.
The problem is that my boyfriend ejaculates prematurely when
he bottoms. When he tops, he can hump me all day and it’s
awesome—but when I stick it in his ass, we only have about
60 seconds before he ejaculates. He does not jack off while
he bottoms and I have never seen anything like it. The first
time it happened, of course I felt like a hot stud. After
the fifth time, I was wishing the ride lasted longer. Sixty
seconds just isn’t enough time to fully enjoy the awesomeness
that is butt sex. I asked him about it and he said that this
quick splooge has always happened when he bottoms and he doesn’t
think there is anything he can do. (So much for feeling like
Is there anything we can do to prolong the fuck? He never
ejaculates so quickly otherwise. I am in love, he gives a
great blowjob, and I’ll stay with him no matter what. But
if you have any suggestions . . .
—Timed Out Man
one: After your boyfriend comes, leave your dick in his ass.
Stop fucking, stay very still, and concentrate on keeping
your erection. After a minute or two, once the boyfriend’s
orgasmic contractions have subsided, slowly start fucking
him again. He’ll have to breathe deep, concentrate on relaxing,
and, yes, give it up for you, suffer a bit, take it like the
bottom bitch he is (at that moment, not all the time), etc.
It’s the only way you’ll ever get to spend more than 60 seconds
fucking his ass—he’s got a hair-trigger (or cock-trigger)
prostate, and always will. Your only option for a nice, long,
leisurely fuck, TOM, is to keep fucking him after he
comes, when the pleasure is drained—quite literally—out of
the action for him.
Tits on the boyfriend? Tabasco on the clit? Tranny sacks?
Readers’ answers to those unanswerable questions are up now
at www. thestranger.com/savage/stumped.
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.