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I’m
a 32-year-old female engaged to a 34-year-old man.
Some months ago, when we were both drunk, he “got up the nerve”
to show me some bestiality porn and tell me how much the thought
of me with a dog turns him on. He confessed that he was absolutely
terrified that I would leave him over this but said he couldn’t
hide it any more. I was pretty inebriated at the time, and
I didn’t say much. We continued to watch dog-on-girl porn,
which I can’t say turned me off, but mainly because it turned
him on so much.
Since then, he has brought up this subject when he’s inebriated.
I’ve told him that as long as this fetish remains a fantasy,
I won’t make an issue of it. I also told him that when I am
sober it makes me fairly uncomfortable and that it exploits
the animal involved. He argued what I’m sure a lot of people
into bestiality believe: It isn’t cruelty or abuse if it’s
a male dog doing what comes instinctively to that dog. He
also told me that he once had a girlfriend who allowed a dog
into their sex life, him as a voyeur, her as a participant
in full-on sex with the animal. At that point I changed the
subject and we had good old vanilla sex with no more talk
of dogs, but he was really turned on, much more so than most
times we have sex with no talk of bestiality. I love this
man a lot and in every other way our lives are pretty wonderful.
Perhaps he drinks a bit much, but we have both cut back on
drinking in the past month—this is a commitment we have made
to each other.
The questions I have are these: Is just the fact that he is/we
are watching this kind of porn animal abuse? Can this really
remain just a fantasy for him, or will he seek this out again,
especially since he has had it before?
I know that bestiality is one of the fetishes you disapprove
of, Dan, but I have no one else to ask about this.
—Dog
Day Shafternoon
Yes,
DDS, I disapprove of bestiality—because, well, ick. And that,
as anonymous dog-fuckers have pointed out to me repeatedly
over the years, is the same logic homophobes use to justify
their bigotry. But when I go on the record about bestiality—and
it’s always con—I do go out of my way to throw the animal
lovers a bone: If I were a sheep, I’d certainly rather be
screwed than stewed.
But still. Ick.
Seeing as I’m biased against bestiality—particularly dog-fuckery,
as I don’t understand how people even keep dogs as pets—I’m
going to recuse myself for a few paragraphs.
“In
most cases the animal is willing and able,” says Martin Weinberg,
a professor in the Department of Sociology at Indiana University
who has studied zoophilia. “It is difficult and dangerous
to try and force an animal to do something it doesn’t want
to do,” adds Weinberg. “However, bestiality is against the
law in many states, even though I do not see it as abuse unless
the animal is physically forced.”
And then Dr. Weinberg makes an important point, one that your
fiancé needs to take to heart, one that you might wanna have
tattooed backward on his forehead the next time he blacks
out: “But if the girlfriend isn’t interested in watching it
(or in actually participating in the act), the man should
be informed that trying to force her into doing so is (to
me) partner abuse.” (Emphasis added.)
Catch that? While your boyfriend’s interests may not qualify
as animal abuse—and many would debate that point—hounding
you about it endlessly does qualify as girlfriend/fiancée/wife
abuse.
“The
man this woman is talking about, as far as we know, has never
had sex with animals,” says Dr. Hani Miletski, author of Understanding
Bestiality & Zoophilia. “He just likes to watch, which
is very common. There are numerous sites online that feature
bestiality, and many curious people visit them often. For
some, it’s just curiosity.”
And for some it’s so much more.
Will your boyfriend, in Dr. Miletski’s opinion, be able to
let this fantasy remain a fantasy? Or will he seek it out
again?
“It’s
always difficult to predict what the future will bring,” says
Dr. Miletski, “but my guess is that he will always use the
idea of bestiality as a part, probably a major part, of his
sexual fantasy. He will probably try to get his current girlfriend
to go along with the fantasy and act it out. . . . But if
she doesn’t feel comfortable with that, she should continue
to do and say what she has already done and said.”
So what the hell do you do, DDS?
I know what I would do: If my partner could only get it up
while images of dogs fucking my ass danced in his head, that
would be a deal breaker right there. But you’re more compassionate
or tolerant or indulgent than I am, I guess, DDS, and you
sound inclined to stay with this guy. And when drunk, DDS,
you sound like you might be tempted to give your fiancé what
he wants. (“I can’t say [it] turned me off, but mainly because
it turned him on so much,” “when I am sober it makes me fairly
uncomfortable.”) So here’s how things are gonna play out if
you stay with this dude: He’s going to bring this up again
and again, and his commitment to cutting back on booze will
be undermined—perhaps fatally—by what booze allows him to
do, i.e., lower his inhibitions enough to go there, and by
what booze allows you to do, i.e., contemplate fucking dogs
with some level of comfort.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t stay. But you gotta know what
you’re signing up for: At the very least, you will be indulging
him in dog-on-girl—or dog-in-girl or dog-in-you—dirty talk
on a regular basis. And he will live in hope that, if you
talk about this long enough, if he gets drunk and begs you
often enough and can manage to get you drunk enough, you will,
one day, go there.
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
I love my husband. But he won’t eat it. Absolutely won’t
lick me down there. I do everything for him! We’ve even started
ass play, with me sticking a finger in his ass while I blow
him.
But I’ve gone without oral for 15 years! I’ve explained to
him that I can’t come—not hard!—without it. He insists that
he never will go there and he has accused me of trying to
make him do something totally against his moral code. I’m
distraught to the point of wanting to cheat on him just to
get some oral. What do I do?
—Unlicky
In Love
Cheat
on him already, UIL.
And while you’re online searching for a man who’ll go down
on you—perhaps you can make an “eat-it-and-beat-it deal,”
i.e., oral and JO only, with one of the many married men out
there whose wives won’t let them eat it?—I’m going to go online
and Google “moral codes.” I’m curious about this mysterious
moral code your husband cites, one that permits a finger up
the butt during a blowjob but forbids cunnilingus entirely.
I know it’s not a Catholic thing—I was an altar boy—but maybe
it’s a Mormon delusion, like magic underpants and coffeephobia
and “Mitt Romney 2012.”
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