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My
girlfriend and I are into male-orgasm denial. We’ve recently
tried putting Orajel on my cock and then covering it with
two condoms so she can use me as a dildo without me getting
off or even feeling anything. It works great. Is there any
chance of long-term health issues if we do this once a week
or so?
—Numb-Dicked
Dude
You
didn’t say which kind of Orajel you are using, but I hope
it’s not Orajel Advanced Tooth Desensitizer. Its active ingredient—created
to treat sensitive teeth, not desensitize cock—is something
called “2-hydroxyethyl methacrylate,” which sounds like something
you might find in baby formula that was made in China. The
stuff works, according to Orajel’s website, “by blocking dentinal
tubules, preventing excitation of the tooth nerve.” And, hey,
if it’s safe enough for your mouth, it’s probably safe enough
for your cock and for newborns, right? Well, maybe not. A
very quick search of the interwebs using that Googlemajob
turns up a paper in the Journal of Dental Research
with this rather alarming title: “2-Hydroxyethyl Methacrylate
(HEMA) Is a Potent Inducer of Apoptotic Cell Death in Human
and Mouse Cells.”
Any responsible sex-advice professional would read the paper
in its entirety and inform you about the likelihood that you’re
killing off cock cells when you smear them with Orajel Advanced
Tooth Desensitizer. But I’m an alarmist sex-advice
professional, not a responsible one, so I’m just going to
lay that title on you one more time: “2-Hydroxyethyl Methacrylate
(HEMA) Is a Potent Inducer of Apoptotic Cell Death in Human
and Mouse Cells.” I don’t know about you, NDD, but I’ve always
erred on the side of not smearing my dick with shit
that kills mice. (Not all brands of Orajel contain this ingredient,
but a boy can’t be too careful.)
It seems particularly foolish to smear any kind of Orajel
on your cock when there are products on the market specifically
designed for desensitizing cocks, things like Mandelay gel
and Proloonging’s “penis desensitizing aid delay spray.” These
products are marketed to men who suffer from premature ejaculation,
even though numbing the dick doesn’t really cure premature
ejaculation. They sound perfect for you and your orgasm-denying
girlfriend, though, and I’d recommend ’em over that potential
rat poison you’re using now.
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I’m a gay guy, 25, in great shape, no STDs. To make
me happy, any long-term relationship will need to have a strong
BDSM element to it. And I’m having a lot of trouble finding
a BDSM relationship that makes me happy. If I mention my BDSM
needs up front when I meet a guy, I get the “never done it,
never will” response or the “ew, gross” response. When I date
a guy before I mention it, the guy is usually willing to try
it (even difficult stuff like CBT and e-stim), but it’s always
because he likes me and wants to get me off. So while I’m
feeling the pain, I’m not feeling dominated. And when I try
to find guys specifically into BDSM (leather bars, fetish
websites), I only find physically unattractive guys.
I know I’m not the only young, attractive gay guy in Chicago
into restraints and pain. But how do I find the others?
—Finding
Extremely Deficient Erotic Xcitement
Go
to dudesnude.com, FEDEX, and search for profiles featuring
guys who included “S&M” among their interests. You’ll
find tons of guys under 30, many of them very good-looking,
and lots in Chicago. So keep looking, FEDEX. Very few gay
guys your age, kinky or not, have managed to find a person
they can see entering an LTR with . . . so no more whining,
mmmkay? Continue to search online and in leather bars, continue
to be honest with the guys you date, and sooner or later you’ll
meet someone who’s as anxious to introduce you to his parents
as he is to torture your cock and balls.
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I’m a 27-year-old bi girl, with a lovely fiancée. I’m
a top; she’s a sub. I’m trying to be responsible, so this
weekend I sat down and wrote my will. I hope I won’t need
it anytime soon, but it makes me feel better to know friends
and family will get what I want them to have before the IRS
can take the rest. You have to specify each item and its recipient,
and that’s where I ran into trouble. I want to leave my fiancée’s
collar to her, rather than Uncle Sam, but wasn’t sure how
specific I could be without either of us being prosecuted
for practicing S&M, which is illegal under current laws
in the state where I live. So I can’t say, “I’m leaving the
S&M collar to my fiancée.” We don’t have a dog and aren’t
going to get one, so writing “leather collar” looks strange
and makes me nervous. Do you have any advice?
—Needs
A Good Lawyer
Most
people into S&M have a touch of the drama queen about
them, I realize, but let’s not be ridiculous. If you should
precede your sub in death, NAGL, I promise you that Uncle
Sam is not going to take possession of your widow’s dog
collar. But to set your mind at ease, I called a very
good lawyer and annoyed him with your very stupid question:
“No,
no, no, no. A gift from one person to another is not illegal—that’s
the bottom-line answer,” said D. J. Rausa, a very good lawyer
in private practice in California who I found via the “Kink-Aware
Professionals” listings at the National Coalition for Sexual
Freedom. “The government is not going to be interested in
a gift, in any gift, unless they can tax it.” And unless that
dog collar is solid gold and the word “slave” is spelled out
on it with big fat diamonds, NAGL, the IRS doesn’t give a
shit.
And since you don’t file a will with the state, but with your
lawyer, the odds of being prosecuted for engaging in S&M—already
infinitesimal—are nil. Worry about the fact that you can’t
legally marry your fiancée, NAGL, and not about Uncle Sam
swooping in and stealing your sex toys.
RealTouch, the new sex toy for men that you wrote about
recently, is a porn-marketing device, not a sex toy. Note
that it says on their website that the first “30 minutes [are]
free” (translation: You’ll have to pay the rest of the time)
and that the FAQ says explicitly that it cannot be used by
itself.
It’s a scam, IMO.
—Not
Buying One
“RealTouch
is only activated by the . . . movies in our video-on-demand
library,” says Jim McAnally (a pseudonym, I’m thinkin’) at
RealTouch HQ. A per-minute price has not been established,
as the toy is not yet being sold—a detail I would’ve included
last week, had I known—but “the device [will be] activated
with 30 minutes when it is purchased.”
So you’re right, NBO: RealTouch could be considered a porn-marketing
device. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a scam, and neither
would Mr. McAnally: “The device is driven by a haptic data
stream that we have to encode with a lot of detail,” he added.
“To give you an idea, it takes eight hours to encode 15 minutes
worth of content. And that data stream doesn’t exist outside
of the video that has been encoded.”
Good to know. But many men will be disappointed to learn that
they can only use this toy when they’re watching porn. Here’s
hoping that RealTouch 2.0 has more functions.
Download
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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