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The
two things that I dig most on a woman are a nice big pair
of . . . swim fins. Some of my earliest sexual fantasies revolve
around Jacqueline Bisset in The Deep. It’s frustrating to
have such a bizarre fetish. There is a small subculture devoted
to scuba fetishism on the internet, but it’s a total sausage/snorkel
fest. One day I’m heading somewhere tropical like Hawaii,
where I hope to meet scuba divas. Until then, what do you
suggest? Give up my fetish and embrace vanilla? Or redouble
my efforts to find one of the maybe half-dozen women in the
world into this?
—Fin
Fun Fan
It’s
amazing how the sight of something as innocuous-yet-titillating
as the poster for The Deep can, if a young man lays
eyes on it at just the right moment, endow that boy with a
lifelong/love-life-complicating fetish. I ponder this phenomenon
every time I see that ad for Old Spice’s new Live Wire body
wash featuring an impossibly hot centaur soaping up in the
shower. (While you regard your fetish as a burden, FFF, at
least you can find scuba gear. Where are all the fetishists
being created by Old Spice supposed to find centaurs?)
The odds that you will one day meet one of the very few women
out there who share your fetish are slim, FFF. But let’s say
you manage to track one down. What are the odds that you’ll
be attracted to her physically? And emotionally? Slim and
slimmer. Your best bet is to date women you find attractive,
demonstrate that you’re a decent and loving guy who can enjoy
vanilla sex, and then roll out your fetish.
Some would argue that withholding info about your fetish is
dishonest. I would argue, however, that “withholding” info
about a harmless fetish—FF just wants to play dress-up, he’s
not into shit or shunts or shin splints—demonstrates a certain
degree of emotional intelligence. Waiting until about three
months in says to prospective scuba babes, “Hey, I wanted
you to get to know me before I told you this, because I realize
that it might strike you as odd. And while I’m kinky, I’m
not obtuse or insensitive.”
I am a straight 22-year-old male who identifies as a
crossdresser. I enjoy it, and I’m okay with myself. But my
ex-girlfriend revealed to me that it made her feel like less
of a woman and that I was doing the female version of emasculation
to her. (Ask.com says the word is “femasculation.”) How can
I work through this with my ex so we can get back together?
—Bashfully
Oblivious Ovary Buster
Either
your ex was honestly threatened by your crossdressing, BOOB,
or she’s doing what a lot of us do when a seemingly decent
relationship comes to shit for no good reason: She’s looking
for an explanation, and your crossdressing is the low-hanging
fruit. Blaming the crossdressing allows her to rationalize
the breakup in a way that leaves you both blameless, i.e.,
the relationship was done in by your panties and not by something
that she did or by something that you had any real control
over.
Can you help her work through this? Probably not, BOOB, particularly
if she was actually feeling “femasculated.” You could agree
to stop crossdressing, but you’ll only wind up doing it on
the sly. You’ll get caught in panties and end up dumped all
over again. And if pointing to your crossdressing was just
a rationalization, BOOB, then there’s nothing to solve here,
no way of working through this. Find a new girlfriend.
I’m a 24-year-old guy, and I just got a blowjob from
(and gave a half-assed one to) a transsexual male-to-female
prostitute. It was no accident: I’d spent about two years
looking at TS porn (as well as regular guys-doing-it-with-girls
porn), and the whole thing seemed like a hot idea. But the
plastic-surgery scars around her tits and her cock in my mouth
kind of made me nauseated. I went through the motions only
because I didn’t have the guts to walk out. (We both had condoms
on.)
I’m not sure if I can face my girlfriend of a year. I’ve been
faithful to her until now, and I feel like crying. I don’t
know if it’s because it was illegal (prostitution), because
I was cheating on her (unfaithful), or because I can’t say
I’m totally straight anymore (cock in my mouth). I don’t know
how to tell my girlfriend. She knows I look at porn, but she
doesn’t know I look at TS porn—no one does.
—Regrets
About Gay Experience
Paradoxically,
RAGE, going down on a shemale escort shores up your heterosexual
bona fides. Gay guys don’t frequent and/or fellate shemale
escorts (on purpose or by accident); getting with shemales
is an entirely straight-male pursuit. So you can go right
on identifying as straight, RAGE. Of course you aren’t totally
straight—try thinking of yourself as something more
than straight, not less—but you’re close enough that you can
round yourself down to straight with a clear conscience. (Offer
void the day you start blowing hemale escorts.)
As for the rest of your angst: If you’re serious about this
woman, then cheating on her like this was a shitty thing to
do. But you’re not married yet, RAGE, and now’s the time to
get out there and satisfy any outstanding sexual curiosities—before
marriage and before kids. And while unburdening yourself to
the girlfriend may sound like the noble thing to do—honesty
being the best policy and all—each of us gets to take at least
one big secret to the grave. If this truly was a one-time,
lesson-learned, never-again experience, let it be the secret
you’re buried with.
Finally, RAGE, good on you and your escort for using
condoms. But there are a whole host of sexually transmitted
infections you could’ve picked up from her, condom or no condom.
Make whatever excuse you need to in order to get out of having
sex with the girlfriend, go get a full STI screening, and
refrain from having sex until you get the all clear from your
doctor.
 |
While your response for To Rape Or Not To Rape is great
advice to keep a horny guy out of a legal jam, you failed
to consider whether the woman TRONTR is corresponding with
is an actual consenting person. Just because TRONTR has a
couple of IMs, a photo, and e-mail consent to rape one janedoe@gee
male.com doesn’t mean he’s actually corresponding with a person
who shares his fantasy. He could be corresponding with a person
impersonating Jane Doe. I have friends who’ve had personal
ads placed online with their names, photos, and addresses
imploring someone to abduct and rape them. The situation reeks
of a setup, and your advice is irresponsible.
—Poster
Bitch
TRONTR
indicated in his letter that he wouldn’t do anything with
this person until he met her in person for drinks and verified
her identity and interests. I encouraged him to get it in
writing in addition to getting a verbal and visual confirmation,
not in place of either. There are people out there maliciously
posting personal ads; there are also people out there sincerely
interested in rape and abduction role-play scenes. Anyone
thinking about realizing a fantasy as extreme and edgy as
abduction/rape role-play needs to get it in writing and
from the lips of the person or persons with whom he or she
intends to play.
Download
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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