a 67-year-old woman, almost 68, who has been married four
times—once widowed (with three kids in their 40s who’ve turned
out pretty well), divorced three times. I recently met someone
online: 48, a wealthy, educated man with two boys, 12 and
14. He lives the cuckoldt lifestyle and is looking for a woman
to marry who would participate and enjoy this with him. He
says he “craves and needs” this lifestyle, and from what he’s
said so far, the boys have been trained from an early age
to also live this lifestyle and would require that the woman
he marries include them in all ways.
I’ve done some research and think I could be quite happy being
a dominant. However, my concern is that he wants me to be
sexual with the boys. He says that at home they practice familial
nudity. He also wants me to take each one to a hotel on their
respective birthdays (he doesn’t say at what age) and take
their virginities. He has also suggested that, once we are
living together, if I wake up horny I should go to one of
the boys’ rooms and “grind my cunt into his face and fuck
the boy.” I think this is excessive and could traumatize the
boys. I don’t know if this type of extreme behavior is just
fantasy for him or if he is serious.
If I like this man after meeting him, I would consider this
lifestyle, but with boundaries where the boys are concerned.
As the dominant, what I say goes, no questions asked (he has
agreed to this in a recent IM), but I think we need to find
I’m interested in your thoughts on all of this. Thank you.
do I think? I’m thinking—and hoping and praying—that this
letter is complete bullshit. And I think I’m gonna go boil
my laptop after writing this response. And I think I’m tempted
to forward your e-mail on to the police. And I think I would
do just that if I wasn’t convinced that this man with whom
you’ve been corresponding—assuming you exist, NTC—is
just another creepy pervert furiously beating off in front
of a computer as he spins out his insanely creepy sexual fantasies
for a gullible online audience of one.
But two details lead me to believe that there could actually
be a four-times-married, thrice-divorced, once-widowed moral
bankrupt out there receiving e-mails and IMs from a man who
claims to be into “the cuckoldt lifestyle,” “familial nudity,”
and the sexual abuse of his adolescent children: your age
and your inability to spell “cuckold.” If a creep with child-rape
fantasies wrote this letter, NTC, you wouldn’t be 67 going
on 68 with reservations. You would be 37 at the most with
DD breasts, and you would’ve spelled cuckold correctly. (Unless
. . . sigh . . .the creep was into intergenerational
sex and lousy spellers on top of everything else.)
Now: If this man and his children exist, NTC, he’s abusing
his children and they should be removed from his home immediately.
He’s scum, NTC, as is any woman who would for a moment contemplate
shacking up with this piece of shit. Because, again, what
your Interwebs friend describes is not the “cuckoldt lifestyle,”
it’s the rape and systematic sexual abuse of children. A man
who is into cuckolding gets off on his wife having consensual
sex with other adult men, not his children; a woman
into cuckolding gets off on “cheating” on her husband with
other adult men, not her minor stepchildren.
Once again for the record: I don’t think this guy is for real
or that these kids exist. I think some creepy pervert is sitting
in front of a computer furiously rubbing ’em out as he chats
with you. Interacting with someone on the web who believes
that he’s telling the truth—someone who believes that he’s
wealthy, educated, and has two boys at home anxious to be
sexually abused by a woman old enough to be their grandmother—turns
him on. And so he lurks online until he lands someone gullible
and morally bereft enough to buy in.
OK! Let’s end with a note about standards and practices here
at Savage Love: I typically change identifying details in
a letter—exact ages, number of divorces, number of children—lest
someone inadvertently out themselves to their family and friends.
I didn’t do that in NTC’s case, because I’m praying to God
that—if NTC exists—one of her children sees this letter
and recognizes dear ol’ Mom. And if her kids are reading:
Hey, guys, it’s time to take Mom’s cars keys, credit cards,
and computer away. Dementia has set in, or Mom’s been demented
all along. Either way, she’s a danger to herself and others,
and you might want to stage an intervention before the criminal-justice
I am in desperate need. I have been dating a guy for
two years. We’re both 25, and we love each other a lot. He’s
sexy as hell (half Asian, quarter Native, quarter black—he’s
divine), we connect, he’s funny, upbeat, and honest. Unfortunately,
we have a recurring fight (once or twice a month), and I wonder
if we will ever resolve this issue. He likes the attention
of other women. The fight goes like this: He will do something
borderline inappropriate with some chick right in front of
me (most recently, he had 30 consecutive drunk-posts on Facebook
with some 19-year-old he met through his roommate), and I
will get pissed and hurt. I approach him calmly and say that
it feels disrespectful and I hope that one day we will come
to an agreement on this issue. He swears that it is all in
my head and that I work myself up over nothing. But he knows
it hurts my feelings, and my hurt is made worse because he
is disregarding my feelings. He usually gets mad, says he
“didn’t do anything wrong” and he “can’t talk to me anymore,”
and then I won’t hear from him for a day or so.
I have friends telling me that this is a deal breaker and
that I am being emotionally abused. I don’t know if I believe
that—I think he just needs to work on boundaries. I just had
a “come to Jesus” talk with the boy, and he still feels like
he didn’t cross any lines and refuses to apologize. But to
make me feel guilty, he said he will “never post anything
on another girl’s Facebook page ever again.” That’s not what
I wanted. Now my face hurts from crying, and I want someone
sane to tell me which way is up. Whose side are you on? I
would actually be happier if you told me that I was crazy
and controlling, because altering my own attitude is a lot
easier than trying to get through to him.
. . . a nice, normal problem to cleanse the palate after the
shit sandwich that opens the column this week.
I’m not on anyone’s side in this dispute, HIO. You sound like
an insecure, passive-aggressive guilt tripper, and the boyfriend
sounds like an inconsiderate flirt. You’ve been having the
same fight twice a month for two years. Enough already.
If the sex, the connection, and his race-based divinity don’t
compensate for the flirting, end this relationship. If they
do, HIO, stay with him—but only if you can stop policing his
interactions with other women and stop bitching about the
flirting to him, to your friends, and to me.
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.