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I’m
a woman who wants to be spanked. But I’m overweight and self-conscious.
Men who like to spank women like to spank petite women. Sometimes
I’ll search kinky personal sites or other online forums and
find someone who might want to spank me. But I get scared
and I back out. Most recently, I’ve been talking to a trucker
who stops at rest stops along his routes around the country
and meets with/spanks women. He is patient and encouraging,
and has references, and has directed me to boards with all
this safety information, and insisted on getting to know each
other via e-mail and phone conversations before we actually
meet. This makes me trust him and feel better when I think
about going to meet him.
But I still feel like it’s a very bad idea. Nobody knows I
have a fetish for this stuff, so I can’t tell anyone where
I’ll be going, and I feel like going to meet a stranger on
a highway so he can beat me is a very stupid thing to do.
Plus, if he kills me, everybody will scream, “Well, what did
you think would happen!” at my fat dead body.
What do you think?
—She
Wants A Tanning
I
think meeting strange men in rest stops is a bad idea generally,
SWAT, and meeting strange men in rest stops for a beating
seems like a particularly bad idea. There are probably lots
of decent and kind truckers out there, some of them kinky,
and they have just as much right to pursue their sexual interests
as anyone else. (And I’m going to be hearing from them after
this column appears.) But you are not the right person
for a kinky rest-stop hookup with a near-stranger.
This has nothing to do with your size, SWAT, and everything
to do with your self-esteem issues and your isolation. I’m
not saying this particular trucker is a crazed serial killer
or an abuser. But serial killers and abusers seek out women
who are isolated and have self-esteem issues, vulnerable women
they can manipulate and exploit. Until you can approach someone
with some confidence and with at least one confidant, you
shouldn’t be making dates to see anyone.
Repeat after me: “Some men like big women. Some men like spanking
women. Some men like spanking big women.” For those men, your
big ass is an asset, SWAT. Also: “I can’t meet someone for
a kinky hookup—in a rest stop or a hotel room or someone’s
apartment—unless someone knows where I’m going, who I’m with,
and when I’m expected home.”
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My boyfriend of six months has a weird dick-area odor.
It’s worse after a long day, but it’s there even after he
showers. It’s this sickly sweet rotting smell that makes it
hard for me to give him oral. Even jacking him off can be
tough when I get a whiff. In all the years I’ve been sexually
active, I’ve never smelled anything like this. I wonder if
it might be that he was in a brutal car accident years ago
that messed up his innards. He’s one of those closed-off stoic
types who hasn’t had much luck or help in life, including
follow-up care after the accident, and he also doesn’t take
the best care of his health—heavy smoker, doesn’t eat right
or exercise (although no drugs).
When we first got together, he seemed like a confident, happy,
dominant man, the first man of this type I have ever met who
also treated me respectfully. As the relationship wears on,
I am finding that he is locked up tightly with insecurities.
He worries everything down to shreds and hates his job but
won’t leave it because “he helps people there,” despite being
royally screwed wagewise. If it were one problem or the other,
I would suck it up for the sake of the most supportive relationship
I’ve ever had. But iron emotional control + horrible dick
odor = I have to get stupid drunk to have sex with him. Do
you know what the odor might be? And should I wait to see
if he loosens up more with time (his request when I talk about
the emotional issue) or get on with my life solo?
—One
Dick Only Reeks
Our
bodies have two types of sweat glands, ODOR, eccrine glands,
which are all over our bodies, and apocrine glands, which
are concentrated in our armpits and crotches. Apocrine glands
pump out ranker-smelling sweat, and these glands pump out
more sweat when a person is stressed out—and it sounds like
your boyfriend is always stressed out. And since the fluids
that come out of our bodies—spit, piss, come, and sweat—are
composed of what we put into our bodies, your boyfriend’s
shitty diet and his cigarette addiction aren’t helping matters
much, either.
If you love him, ODOR, be straight with him: If he wants to
keep you in his life, he needs to loosen up, improve his diet,
and see a doc and a dermatologist about the crotch stank.
I have recently been toying with the idea of doing electro
stuff, but I’m worried that it could get ugly. Suppose you
have a battery-powered vibrator in your ass and two of those
electricity-conducting e-stim pads on either ass cheek. I
have horrible mental images of the vibrator exploding in my
ass. Am I being completely irrational? I need a kinky electrician
to guide me! Thanks so much for all that you do!
—The
Electric Company
“He
has nothing to worry about,” says David, the mad genius behind
SexTek, which makes and markets erotic e-stim gear, and my
go-to guy for all e-stim questions. “The electrical bits in
the vibrator won’t be bothered in the slightest by the e-stim
currents flowing nearby, and the vibrator won’t interfere
with the e-stim. Assuming your device is made for use on the
human body, the low power currents involved only stimulate
nearby nerves and muscles. The vibrator won’t be bothered
at all. But make sure you’re using a proper commercial e-stim
device and read the manual. Most electrosex injuries
occur when someone uses the wrong equipment or improvises.”
Yeah, yeah: The guy who sells commercial e-stim products is
telling TEC to buy a commercial e-stim product. Anyone who
thinks David is wrong—anyone who thinks exploring e-stim without
first purchasing equipment designed to be used for e-stim
play—is welcome to stick the frayed end of an extension cord
up his butt and then report back to us about how that worked
out for him. The e-stim-curious with sense, however, will
take David’s advice and check out the products available at
sextek.com and those made by other e-stim companies.
Any last-minute Xmas gift ideas, Dan?
—Nothing
Under Tree
Sure,
NUT: Tinsel, my friend Hank Stuever’s brilliant and
hilarious new book about America’s Christmas present; Every
Man Dies Alone, a chilling 1947 novel by Hans Fallada
about life under the Nazis (Fallada was a German novelist
who barely survived the war and didn’t live to see his masterwork
published); the bondage enthusiasts on your list will love
the hemp rope for sale at twistedmonk.com; and the ET302R
available at sextek.com makes the perfect stocking stuffer.
Download
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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