a single (mostly) gay guy who is curious about women. A hot
bisexual mate is interested in a friends-with-benefits arrangement.
I’m not looking for an LTR just now, so regular, no-strings
sex sounds great. However, his girlfriend doesn’t know he’s
bisexual, and I’d feel uncomfortable having sex with him behind
her back. I’ve said no to guys in the past, bi and gay, because
they wanted to go behind their partners’ backs. My mate would
like his girlfriend to know about him because he’d really
like to have threesomes with her (something I’m up for), but
he’s worried about how she’ll react.
Personally, I’d be more concerned about how she might react
if she found out about his sexuality some other way. That’s
one reason why I always err on the side of honesty. However,
I’m not exactly unbiased: I’d prefer threesomes to dicks-only
sessions. What should I do?
about a little honesty mixed with a little dishonesty?
Your mate should offer his girlfriend the boy-girl-boy threesome
that all of today’s modern young women fantasize about. (Blame
Twilight—why can’t Bella have it all?) If your mate
is worried that she’ll react negatively to the suggestion,
he can open by telling her that what he’s about to propose
was all your idea. She’ll want to know if his gay-but-bi-curious
mate—that’s you—is going to want to get into his presumed-to-be-straight
pants. Your mate should shrug and say, “Maybe . . .” and depending
on the look on her face when the possibility of Edward-on-Jacob
action is raised—disgusted or intrigued?—end with either “.
. . but I don’t think I’m interested in going there” (leaving
open the possibility of “getting carried away” and “going
there” during the threesome) or “. . . and I might go there
if that would turn you on” (making any boy-on-boy action at
the threesome something he did for her).
If the threesome is a success and you two wind up playing
with and in front of her, HH, your mate can come to
the sudden and shocking realization that he’s bisexual. This
will hopefully lead to future threesomes and, perhaps, at
some point, her blessing for some boys-only time. If she objects,
HH, your mate can blame her for “making” him bisexual—or making
him realize it—because he fell on your sword that first time
because it was what she wanted.
I’m a woman whose “super-hetero” boyfriend is quite
shy and needs to build trust before he can open up to someone.
Since I have gained his trust, he has revealed that he fantasizes
about m-m-f threesomes. I’ve asked him if he is turned on
by the idea of another man’s penis, and he says no, he just
wants to see me have sex with another man. Yet when he describes
his dirtiest fantasies to me at the peak of arousal, he says
he gets off on the idea of double penetration—one penis in
my anus, another in my vagina—and wants to feel the other
man’s penis bump up against his own, separated by my innards.
Do you think he is bisexual or bi- curious? We intend to enact
this fantasy, and I wonder if it could shift the dynamic of
can be hard to predict whether a man will have an epiphany
during an m-m-f threesome and come to the sudden and shocking
realization that he’s bisexual. (Um . . . does your boyfriend
refer to his male friends as “mate,” by any chance? Is he
a fan of the Twilight series?) He’s obviously more
aroused by male-male contact than he’s capable of admitting
when he isn’t about to blow a load, TC. This fantasy of his
isn’t about, or isn’t just about, wanting to gangbang a girl
with a buddy. Your boyfriend wants to bump penises with another
dude—but with your, um, lady “innards” providing the “no homo”
But I don’t think you need to extract a full confession of
bi-curiousness or even heteroflexibility before you realize
this fantasy. He may not be in denial about what his desires
add up to, TC. He just may want to check his fantasies about
male-male contact against the reality of male-male contact
before he tells you what he suspects: He’s the tiniest bit
I have an uncle who calls me “faggot” whenever he and
I are alone in the same room. He’s a conservative, straight
Mormon. I’m a boy who’s had sexual encounters with guys and
girls, and I’m trying to figure out my own sexuality while
dealing with all of the other stuff that comes with going
off to college, and frankly I don’t need his crap. Do I tell
my parents? I’m kind of bi right now, so he’s half right,
but what business is it of his?
Nephew Craving Levelheaded Explanation
uncle is hitting on you, UNCLE, in his fashion—that is, the
fashion of the tormented, self-hating, conservative/religious
closet case. If you don’t wanna find yourself standing there
with your uncle’s tongue stuffed in your mouth someday—you’d
be surprised how quickly someone can stuff his tongue in your
mouth—I would advise you not to spend another moment alone
with your asshole uncle. And, yes, tell your parents what
he’s been doing. Because, UNCLE, if he ever makes a pass
at you and a scene ensues—you scream, you yell, you bite his
tongue off and spit it out the window—your uncle is going
to insist that you made the pass at him.
I’m a 31-year-old gay man. My boyfriend and I have been
together for five years. We have enjoyed a few threesomes
with other men, so I assumed I could share a particular fantasy
of mine: I’ve never had sex with a woman and I want to.
I am not questioning my sexuality, I’m not “bi,” I have zero
desire to date women. But my boyfriend immediately accused
me of having issues with my sexuality, and after a two-week
fight I dropped it. Fast-forward to just before Christmas:
I received a promotion, moved to a new floor, and have my
own office now—and one of my new female coworkers has been
coming on to me. First problem: She’s married, so that would
be crossing a line. Second, we’re coworkers and she has even
more to lose than I do.
Is there some other way—I already tried the direct approach—to
bring this fantasy up to my boyfriend again, or should I just
let it go?
shocked that your boyfriend—a man who’s willing to share his
boyfriend’s ass with other men—would react so violently to
your curiosity about lady innards. But seeing as the direct
approach prompted a two-week-long fight, FWD, I can’t imagine
you would have much more success with the indirect approach.
(I can’t imagine what the indirect approach would be.)
Since you’re not strictly monogamous and the boyfriend’s not
strictly rational about this, FWD, a case could be made for
satisfying your lady-innards curiosity on the sly and filing
the affair under “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” But
I can’t think of a worse set of lady innards to satisfy your
curiosity with than this woman’s. You could wind up losing
your job and your boyfriend if the affair got ugly and got
Wait, FWD, wait. In time, some other gay-outards-curious lady
will come along, and perhaps by then your boyfriend will have
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.