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Kindergraphics
Recently,
President Obama appeared on the morning talk show (at least,
I think it’s on in the morning) The View, where he
was playfully quizzed about his pop-culture knowledge. He
did approximately as well as a sitting American president
should do, in my opinion and based on a single 1:30 clip viewed
on the Internet: He knew that Lindsay Lohan had been jailed,
but had no idea who Jersey Shore’s Nicole “Snooki”
Polizzi is.
My own pop-culture awareness, though apparently greater than
the president’s, is, inarguably, less than it once was—and
deepest in categories and on subjects that may no longer be
considered, exactly, relevant.
Curious what younger generations know, I determined to survey
them, comprehensively. Fortunately, I’ve got one of ‘em close
at hand. (I had an excellent household response rate of 100
percent.)
Subject: 8-year-old female.
Lindsay Lohan: “She’s an actress. She’s really good, but she’s
in jail.” Lady Gaga: “A singer. She freaks me out when she
sings about ‘disco stick.’ I don’t think that’s a polite thing.”
Snooki: “Chicken. Why ‘chicken’? I don’t know. I didn’t know
what else to say.” Twilight: “That’s a book. I’ve never
read it, but I think it’ll be good when I’m old enough. It’s
a movie, too.” Vampire: “Twilight. One of the actors
in Twilight is a vampire and wears a lot of make up.”
Housewife: “Cleaning. My mom calls herself a housewife, and
that’s what she does.” Desperate: “Does that mean ‘worried?’
Or it means you want something you don’t have.”
Jonas: “Brothers!” American Idol: “Soup can. I don’t
know what ‘idol’ means, but I like soup cans because if you
cut off the bottoms and tops you can put them on your arms
and pretend they’re lasers.” Pixies: “Pixies are related to
fairies in Neverland.” Guided By Voices: “I don’t know. Is
your heart guided by voices?” Album: “The Jonas Brothers have
a new album that has more than one song, it has 15!” Gothic:
“I don’t know.” Goth: “That sounds like Gohf. G-O-H-F, which
is black with spiky things.” Punk: “It’s ‘mean.’ Like, “Don’t
be a punk.’ ” Rimbaud: “Like a bow? I like bows in my hair.”
Download: “That’s printing. You can print Hannah Montana wallpaper!”
Jon Stewart: “That reminds me of Robbie Ray Stewart. Are they
related?” Rush Limbaugh: “Sounds like a dragon.” Glenn Beck:
“Is that a girl? I don’t know.” Kim Kardashian: “That’s an
animal in a movie. A Kardashian is an animal with two wings
and one foot and a big, large tail. It was a fairy-tale movie.”
Insane Clown Posse: “That must be the circus.”
Meme: “ That reminds me of ‘meow.’ So, kitties.” Keyboard
cats: “Like in The Aristocats. All the baby cats step
on the piano and make music.” Goatse: “Bathtub. If I had a
goat, I’d name her “Goatsy.” If she smelled, I’d put her in
the bathtub. If it was a boy, I’d name him ‘Cowboy.’ ”
Facebook: “Contact. On Facebook, you can contact people and
make friends.” Tumblr: “That’s clumsy people.”
Arcade Fire: “Aaaaah! The games are on fire!” Big Bang Theory:
“A clock. In Italy there’s a clock called Big Ben.” Christian
Slater: “That rhymes with ‘skater.’ It’s about skateboards.”
The Replacements: “It’s a TV show about a girl and a boy,
who don’t like their teacher, cook or golf teacher. Whatever
they do, it turns into a disaster.” Salvation Army: “That’s
war. The 1982 war. I think there was a war in the nineteens.”
Vinyl: “That sounds a lot like ‘violence.’ ” Vegetarian: “That’s
no meat. I don’t like being a vegetarian. I like chicken,
or steak.” Rap: “At the salad bar, my mom can get a cheese
wrap.” Rap music: “Some people, when they rap , wear cool
stuff like gold and heavy necklaces. One guy had a double
ring that said, ‘Bling.’ ” Bling: “In Big Time Rush, Wayne
Wayne wears a lot of bling. His real name is Wally.” Justin
Beiber: “He’s a really good singer. My favorite song is “I
Thought You Could Always Be Mine.” He’s cute. He has really
cute bangs.” Mad Men: “That’s just angry guys.” Inception:
“I have no idea what that means.”Leonardo DiCaprio: “He’s
a painter. I think I’ve heard of him in school. I haven’t
seen any of his pictures.”
Personal brand: “Private. Because ‘personal’ means ‘private.’
” Blog: “Writing. People write things on their blogs. You
write things about you, or what happens in your life, on the
computer.” Graphic novel: “I don’t know what that is. A novel
is a book.” Comic books: “Wonder Woman. She has bulletproof
wrist things, and a rope that she ties around people and they
tell every secret they ever had. Or the truth. I get those
two mixed up.”
President: “The leader of America, Barack Obama. I think he
smokes, but he’s trying to quit.”
—John
Rodat
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