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I
am an 18-year-old lesbian. My girlfriend of two years is 17.
We have not had sex, however, which by my definition is making
each other come by whatever means. She is willing to touch
me, but she prefers that I not touch her. She was assaulted
when she was 15, and the guy turned sexual touching into a
nightmare for her. I’ve been really patient and I try not
to pressure her but my hormones are raging and I really want
to have sex. She knows it, but it seems like it probably won’t
happen.
Don’t tell me to dump her; my feelings for her are more important
than sex. I’m just wondering if there’s anything I can do
to help her get rid of the “demons of the past”? We love each
other, and if there’s anything I can do to help her, I want
to do it.
—Want
To Be Good To Her
You
want to help your girlfriend but you don’t want to break up
with her. That’s a problem, WTBGTH, because breaking up with
your girlfriend is the only way you can help her.
Face facts: Your girlfriend isn’t ready to be in a relationship
with you or anyone else, and you’re not doing her any favors
by continuing to see her. Your girlfriend needs to get her
ass to a shrink and work on those don’t-touch-me demons, something
she’s unlikely to do so long as she has a girlfriend who’s
willing to work around her demons. Your girlfriend has to
realize that not confronting and overcoming her demons is
going to severely limit her sexually and socially, and the
best way to make her see that—which will in turn give her
the push she needs to get help and/or get over it—is for you
to dump her.
One way or another, this relationship is going to end. The
longer you have to go without touching her tits or eating
her out or braiding her hair or whatever it is teenage lesbians
do, the more frustrated you’re going to become. If you end
things now, while your frustration level is on a low boil,
you’ll be able to let her down gently and compassionately;
if you wait another two years, your frustration level will
be on a rapid boil (thanks to all those raging hormones),
and I guarantee you that it will end ugly.
So sit the girlfriend down and say this: “I love you but I
need to be with someone who can be touched. I want that person
to be you. But I don’t think you’re going to get there while
we’re together so I’m going to let you go, honey. I’m sorry.
Maybe once you’ve worked through these issues, we can be together
again.”
Quick etiquette question: Should one make it a point to
say goodbye to the people having a four-way in the living
room, or is it best to slip out quietly?
—Not
Getting Any
If
four people are having sex in the living room and they haven’t
invited you to join them, two very specific things can be
inferred. First, they don’t want you to join in. If they did,
they would’ve pulled you in. Second, if they’re really going
at it, they’ve probably forgotten that you exist. Walking
in and saying, “I guess I’ll be going, um, thanks for having
me over. See you later. OK? Uh. Bye. Have fun, see you, uh,
bye . . . ” will be perceived by the four as a desperate attempt
to remind them that you do exist, in the hopes that
they might change their minds and pull you in. Don’t be so
pathetic. You weren’t wanted, and reminding the four on the
floor that you’re still there only gives them another opportunity
to reject you. In this situation, the only dignified course
of action is to slip out quietly.
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I am a 60-year-old man who recently lost his wife to cancer.
Upon visiting a shrink I came to acknowledge that I’ve been
a closeted homosexual for most of my life. I also discovered
that I love dressing up in women’s clothes in the privacy
of my own home and masturbating to S&M pornography. My
shrink asked me if I was hurting myself or anyone else. I
wasn’t. He told me to enjoy myself, next issue. Here’s the
problem: I divulged all of this to a friend of mine who was
horrified by my behavior.
Now he has me going to three Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings
a week, and I feel awful and ashamed. My SA sponsor is pressuring
me to get a new shrink, and my shrink says he will have to
stop working with me if I continue going to a group that uses
humiliation and shame to bully me about my sexuality. Where
do I turn?
—Afraid
to Masturbate in Midland
Turn
to your jackass friend and the jackass killjoys at the SA
meetings and tell them that you’ve been cured. Tell them you’ve
no longer dress up in women’s clothes, you’ve stopped masturbating,
you’ve stopped looking at S&M porn, and you’ve stopped
seeing your old shrink. Then tell them you won’t be coming
to anymore SA meetings because you don’t want your recently
vanquished sexual addictions to be the focus of your life.
Then go right on seeing your old shrink, dressing up in women’s
clothes, and beating off to S&M porn. If you want to find
someone to indulge your kinks with (which is what you were
secretly looking for when you told your friend), take out
some personal ads in kink magazines or on Web sites, or hire
yourself a kinky male escort.
Maybe it’s because I’m high, but I thought that a few of
those fantasies were hilarious! Perhaps you could include
a few of them at the end of the column for a couple more weeks?
—Detroit
Tony
A
lot of folks wrote in to say how much they enjoyed the fantasies
sent in by my readers for the cancelled Readers’ Sexual Fantasies
Contest, with the Smurfette fantasy being the most popular.
Just for you, DT, here are a few more:
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Oprah
Winfrey is being gang-banged by a large group of bodybuilders.
She’s into it, begging for their cum, lapping it up
whenever she can. At one point, a few of them shoot
off into a dog’s food bowl and Oprah picks up the bowl
and drinks it down. A videotape surfaces and her career
is destroyed.
—Oprahphile
Since
adolescence, all my fantasies have been about scenarios
in which dozens of men lick my snatch for hours at a
time. My favorite: My cunt, in a state of excitement,
secretes a compound that makes men’s dicks grow. Men
line up for the chance to use their tongues to bring
me off. Every morning I choose the hottest six from
the crowd outside my door, invite them in, and bind
them to a complicated pussy-licking chair. Then I take
turns sitting on their faces, and watch their dongs
swell to mammoth proportions.
—Special
Pussy Enjoys Loving Licks
Prince
Harry fucking Prince William up against the shower wall.
—Anglophile
I
got a fantasy for ya: I go to work and read letters
from strangers about sex, all of them addressed to me
personally. I break up the monotony by sharing my fantasies,
in print, with millions of other strangers. Then I go
home and roll naked in all the money I make doing this.
—Hate
My Job, Want Your Job
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