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I
am a 21-year-old college student, sharing an apartment with
a guy who’s been my best friend for a long time. We get along
well and are very compatible roommates, but an incident two
weeks ago has jeopardized all that. I’ve been dating a wonderful
girl whom I’ll call Jennifer. Jennifer and I have sex a lot,
and she is very loud. My roommate (call him Casey) complained
about her loudness at first, but then got used to it. So imagine
my surprise when I caught him masturbating outside my door
listening to us have sex.
Casey, of course, looked embarrassed, and retreated to his
room. Neither Casey nor I have mentioned the incident to each
other since. To make freaky matters even freakier, Jennifer
has announced that she wants to have a three-way with Casey.
What do I do? I can hardly look at Casey anymore and I don’t
know what to say to Jennifer.
—Seriously
Skeeved Out
When
you’re sharing an apartment, overhearing your roommate getting
laid is unavoidable. The roommate who isn’t getting laid walks
down the hall to the bathroom and as he passes the door to
the room of the roommate who is getting laid he hears a groan
or a grunt or thud or a slap. In most cases, it’s pretty easy
for the roommate who isn’t getting laid to avoid further listening—i.e.
he can continue on his way to the bathroom or turn on the
TV or whatever.
However, SSO, it’s not only the responsibility of the roommate
who isn’t getting laid to avoid listening. People sharing
apartments don’t have to have sex in silence—he’s your roommate
not your mom; it’s okay for him to know you’re having sex—but
you do have to keep the volume down to something that he can
drown out by listening to music or watching Cannonball
Run on DVD.
OK, let’s get into specifics: If you and your girlfriend made
no effort to keep it down after Casey complained, well, then
you were involving Casey in your sex life against his will.
By forcing him listen, you were drawing him into the action.
Listening to a hot girl get the shit fucked out of her will
turn most guys on. In short, of course Casey was beating
off listening to you two—what the Hell else was he supposed
to do? Yes, yes: He should’ve stayed away from your
door. But, shit, if you two are going to be so inconsiderate
as to involve him into your sex life against his will, why
shouldn’t he get as close to the action as he can?
So what do about Casey, your old pal? Get drunk with him,
bring up the subject, offer him an apology, and accept
the apology he’ll no doubt offer you. Then laugh it off: “Oh,
man, what were you thinking, dude!” “Oh, man, I thought I
was going to have a heart attack when you opened the door,
dude!”
So what do you say to Jennifer, your loud girlfriend? “It’s
over.” Jennifer knew Casey could hear you two going at it,
and she kept it up. Wasn’t it obvious to you that Jennifer
was turned on by the idea of Casey listening in? If the idea
of Casey listening in turned her on, it stands to reason that
she might also be turned on by the idea of Casey joining in.
If that’s too freaky for you, SSO, then so is Jennifer.
What do you say to a person you completely used physically
for about a month while you were on the rebound? This person
creeps me out, and I don’t want to get back together, but
this is like the third time this week I’ve bumped into her
and it’s getting weird/creepy/awkward. To compound the awkwardness
of the situation, she was a virgin before.
—Asshole
in San Francisco
“Hello,
how are you? I’m glad I ran into you. I wanted to tell you
that I’m sorry about disappearing like that. I was on the
serious rebound when we got together, and I wasn’t really
thinking about other people’s feelings. I want to apologize.
Obviously, this is a small town, and we’re going to run into
each other from time to time. I understand that you have a
right to be angry with me, but I hope that we can be civil
to each other.”
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I am a straight 21-year-old female and have been with my
boyfriend on and off for two years. He is the sweetest boy
in the world and I love him with all my heart. The problem
is this: After we have sex he pretends to fall asleep and
then finger fucks himself in the ass. I have confronted him
about this and he denies it, saying that I am crazy. I am
completely traumatized by this entire situation. I have no
one else to turn to. Is my boyfriend gay? Should I just ignore
this habit of his and focus on all of his other wonderful
qualities? I greatly respect your opinion, and I’m afraid
I don’t know what to do.
—Hope
Everything Looks Peachy
Your
boyfriend isn’t gay. He’s a freak.
Try and keep up: There’s nothing particularly gay about enjoying
the feeling of a finger in your ass, nor is there anything
particularly freaky about a man fingering himself. What makes
your boyfriend a freak is that he fingers himself right next
to someone he thinks is asleep, gets caught, and then denies
he was doing it. Why would he deny it? Like a lot of straight
men who enjoy having their asses played with, your boyfriend
probably worries that you’ll think he’s gay if he tells you
the truth—and guess what? He’s right! You do think
he’s gay.
Well, it ain’t necessarily so, HELP. There are plenty of straight
men out there who like having their butts played with, just
as there are plenty of gay men who don’t like having
their butts played with. (I hate the feeling of a finger in
my ass, HELP, and guys don’t get much gayer than me.) The
butt is not a magical place that only gay people can visit,
like a leather bar or the Libarace Museum. Straight people
have butts too, and some straight guys like to play with their
butts, and it saddens me that so many of these straight men
are reduced to playing with their own butts. Why is that the
case? Once again, because their girlfriends will think
they’re gay if they ask her to finger them.
As for your particular boyfriend, HELP, I think any guy who
fingers his ass in the same room as his girlfriend—even if
he thinks she’s asleep—really wants to get caught, so . .
. the next time he rolls over, pretends to fall asleep, and
then sticks a finger in his ass, wait until he’s really going
at it, and then say . . . “You’re doing it right now! You’ve
got your finger in your ass! I’m not crazy!”
When he denies it, you play your trump card:
“Oh,
really? Let me smell your fingers.” He’ll probably burst into
tears at this point, which is your cue to say the following:
“Look, I don’t think you’re gay. I love you. If the man I
love likes having your ass played with then, with God as my
witness, I will play with his ass. But I refuse to lay here
next to you while you play with your ass and pretend that
I’m asleep. That’s too freaky.”
mail@savagelove.net
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