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I’m
a 19-year-old guy with a big problem. I have an 18-year-old
sister who is very nice and very good looking. We have been
in love for two years. Our parents do not know. My problem
is that she might be pregnant. If she is, we want to get married.
Do we hide this from our parents? How will our parents react
to this news?
—PLEASE
HELP!
First,
help: Call (888) 307-9275 and the nice folks at Planned Parenthood
will direct you and your sister to an abortion provider in
your area.
Second, advice: As we’ve recently discussed in Savage Love,
some sex play between pre- and recently post-pubescent siblings
may be normal and healthy, and some genetic researchers recently
signed off on first cousins making babies. But brothers and
sisters? Falling in love? Making babies? I’m sorry, PH, that’s
just fucked up. So here’s what you need to do: Get that abortion,
break up with your sister and move the fuck out of your parents’
house. Maybe once you get away from your sister you’ll you
be able to form an intimate sexual connection with someone
to whom you’re not so closely related. Do you have any very
nice, very good-looking cousins? As for your parents, I can’t
imagine they’ll take the news any better than I did (I certainly
hope not), so why don’t you spare them the details as well
as the three-legged grandchildren?
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My sister dated a guy for one month in high school and
it didn’t work out. Four years later, I met up with the guy
(not knowing my sister had dated him) and started a relationship.
Long story short, I dated the guy for four and a half years
before we broke up. The break up was my idea, but he agreed
it was for the best. My sister now has a very close friendship
with this individual. They hang out, talk on the phone, go
on trips. This really upsets me. A million guys in the world
and my sister has to be best buddies with my ex-fiancé? Am
I being a psycho bitch here?
—LG
Grow
the fuck up, LG. Your sister liked this guy well enough to
date him for a month in high school; you liked him well enough
to date him for four and a half years. He must have some redeeming
qualities. Instead of berating your sister for befriending
your ex—and, excuse me, but wasn’t he her ex first?—you should
emulate your sister’s ability to be friends with exes. It’s
a sign of maturity and the ultimate proof that you’re no psycho
bitch.
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I recently went to my good friend’s house on the 4th of
July. This holiday was a little different because his younger
sister and mom were in town from Nashville. When I got to
his house I immediately noticed his sister was extremely hot
and as the day went on found out she was also very funny and
smart. It seemed to me that he was being the stereotypical
big brother and didn’t let the two of us leave his sight.
She’s back in Nashville now, and I’d really like to stay in
contact with her, but I have no way to do that because I was
afraid to ask for her number because my friend was always
right there. I’d like to ask my friend for her e-mail or phone
number but I’m not quite sure how he will take it. What do
you think?
—Stuck
in the Middle
What
if you managed to get this woman’s phone number on July 4?
If you got lucky and wound up dating, her protective older
brother would inevitably find out. If he finds out on his
own, he’ll be angry that you were hiding this relationship
from him.
So tell your friend that you would like to get to know his
sister better. If he doesn’t want to put you in touch with
her, ask him why. Perhaps he thinks you’re wrong for his sister
for some reason; maybe you’re an asshole, he can barely tolerate
you, and only pretends to be friends with you out of pity?
Or maybe he thinks his sister is wrong for you; maybe she’s
a psycho bitch and he’s watched her chew up and spit out a
string of nice guys. Either way, you won’t know until you
ask.
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Me and my younger brother are in our early 20s and live
together. We are Samoan and this fact doesn’t make us chick
magnets. Point of story: Both of us have to masturbate. The
thing is, I always do it in private while my bro does it when
he thinks I’m asleep. Sometimes I’m not. Should I go out and
get drunk and bring it up, like you told that one guy to do
with his roommate? The thing is, I don’t think it’s fair to
confront him about his beating off without admitting that
I do it too, which I don’t really want to do.
—Samoan
& Masturbater
What
the fuck is wrong with you, S&M? You’ve been handed this
golden opportunity to embarrass and humiliate your younger
brother and you’re hesitating? Look, the next time he beats
off, roll over and say, “I’m awake, dumbass. Go jerk off in
the bathroom.” He’ll feel mortified and ashamed and embarrassed
and humiliated, and what older brother doesn’t enjoy making
his younger brother feel miserable? Not telling him that you
masturbate too will compound his feelings of shame, so there’s
no need to confess your sins. Instead you should be enjoying
his sins, and the misery-making opening he’s given you.
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I’m an adopted gay boy who was thrown for a loop when I
was tracked down by two younger brothers I never knew I had.
I really hit it off with the younger of the two, a straight
biker-boy. Six months after meeting he came to visit. He met
my gay friends, did the gay bars with me and . . . one night
after the bars he grabbed me, planted a big kiss on me and
before I knew it I was fucking him silly. Although I felt
tons of guilt, we continued to mess around on and off for
a year. I told some friends and got reactions ranging from,
“Way to go . . . that’s every gay man’s fantasy!” to “Oh my
god you fucking sicko!” Then in one weak moment I confessed
to another relative. Within days the news had spread and no
one from my biological family has spoken to me since.
Do you think there’s any way to ever salvage a relationship
with my newfound relatives again? I would hate to miss out
on any more years together, regardless of how fucked up our
beginnings were.
—Frenzied
Adopted Guy
First,
put me in the “Oh my God, you fucking sicko!” column. Making
it with a brother is not every gay man’s fantasy.
Second, how can you salvage your relationship with your biological
relatives? You can’t, FAG. Your straight biker-boy brother
may have been the one who made the pass that fateful night—and
we only have your word on that—but you’re not going to have
any luck convincing your biological relatives of that. You
will be forever perceived by your biological relatives as
the sicko fag who seduced one of his brothers shortly after
they tracked him down—without a doubt that’s how your straight
biker-boy brother has characterized the affair.
But look on the bright side: Unlike poor, pathetic PH at the
beginning of the column, you at least had the decency to refrain
from knocking up your sibling.
mail@savagelove.net
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