Back to Metroland's Home Page!
 Columns & Opinions
   The Simple Life
   Comment
   Reckonings
   Opinion
   Letters
   Poetry
 News & Features
   Newsfront
   F.Y.I.
   Features
   Profile
 Dining
   This Week's Review
   The Dining Guide
   Leftovers
 Cinema & Video
   Weekly Reviews
   Picture This
   Clips
   The Movie Schedule
 Music
   Listen Here
   Live
   Recordings
   Noteworthy
   Clubs & Concerts
 Arts
   Theater
   Dance
   Art
   Classical
   Books
   Art Murmur
 Calendar
   Night & Day
   Event Listings
 Classifieds
   View Classified Ads
   Place a Classified Ad
 Personals
   Online Personals
   Place A Print Ad
 AccuWeather
 About Metroland
   Where We Are
   Who We Are
   What We Do
   Work For Us
   Place An Ad

Usually, I love your open, honest, thoughtful advice, but what you said to Momma Violates Poppa, the sexually frustrated pregnant woman whose husband won’t sleep with her, was as cruel as what her husband’s doing to her. Yes, it’s possible that her husband’s just plain not turned on. But no sex with the love of her life for nine months? I think that garners more than “Maybe you’re just too ugly for him right now, sweetie.” How about suggesting that they talk about it honestly and openly without strings or games. Seeing as how they’ve been married for five years, who better for him to open up to than her?

—Honesty on Tap

Your advice is nice in theory, HOT, but do you really think that MVP’s husband is in any position to tell her the truth? Can you picture it?

Mrs. MVP: “We need to talk about what’s going on in our sex life, honey. So, tell me, what’s going on?”

Mr. MVP: “Your pregnant body and/or the presence of our unborn child is/are a huge turn off for me.”

I wouldn’t want to be trying to get any sleep in the apartment next door the night Mr. MVP opened up to Mrs. MVP. Face it, HOT, there are certain things straight men are NOT allowed to say to pregnant women (especially women they’ve impregnated), and “you don’t turn me on right now, honey” is at the top of the list.

I’m writing to complain about your thoughtless reply to “Mama Violates Poppa.” I firmly believe that if a man is so put off by the pregnant belly he helped make, then maybe he shouldn’t be making babies in the first place. Why not recommend that this couple speak to their OB/GYN to help settle any concerns that the husband might have about hurting the baby, or even a little couples counseling to work through this issue?

—Talk It Out

So Mrs. MVP drags Mr. MVP to an OB/GYN and a shrink and they . . . what? Order him to fuck her? Administer electric shocks until Mr. MVP can get it up? Sorry, TIO, but if Mr. MVP is simply and sincerely goobed out by the thought of having vaginal intercourse with his wife while his unborn child floats around at the top of the vaginal canal, there’s very little his wife’s OB/GYN can do about it. Luckily for Mrs. MVP, no one is pregnant forever.

It sounds like MVP needs to lay off with the maternity-sex PSAs and not try quite so hard. But Dan: “So tell your husband that nothing is expected of him over the next few months. . . .” Come on! Look, I know you boys can’t force an erection. However, because he doesn’t immediately go sha-wing at the site of her round belly does not mean that he cannot be aroused by her, by oral sex, or at least by an adult video playing in the bedroom. And once he’s aroused, I’d say it’s more than likely that he can stay that way and have intercourse with her.

—No Acronym

Do you honestly think all the women out there who want to cut my balls off for telling Mrs. MVP the truth would be smiling on me if I’d written, “Oh, gee, why not pop in an adult video so that your husband can look at that instead of your big, round belly and then maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to keep it up long enough to fuck you”? I hardly think advising Mr. MVP to look at porn when his wife is in the room—you know, the same wife he’s obligated to find attractive—will be any better received than the infinitely more realistic advice I gave MVP. And remember, furies, my advice to MVP did not rule out cuddling, mutual masturbation, or even oral sex. In fact, I think Mr. MVP is likelier to engage in those mutually pleasurable, no-spoogin’ on junior activities if Mrs. MVP lets him know that vaginal intercourse isn’t expected of him just now.

Call me a naive 21-year-old who has never had kids, but I think MVP’s husband is a real ASSHOLE. Most men—real men!—find pregnant women sexy because they have respect for women and their bodies’ female processes.

—Not Impressed With You

Yes, yes, NIWY: Some men do find pregnant women attractive, and God bless them, and I hope and pray that they’re the majority of men.

My wife recently gave birth to our adorable baby daughter and I have something to say to the pregnant wife who can’t get any: Unfortunately, I think Dan might be right. A woman’s pregnant body is beautiful in concept, but beautiful in the way that a mountain gorilla or a panda bear is beautiful. As lovely as a pregnant woman is, its just not that hot to screw a panda bear.

—Baby Maker, Baby Thinker

Thanks for sharing, you asshole.

Thanks for your blunt answer to the pregnant woman. I just went through an identical experience. You were right: After the baby comes, sex goes back to its normal wonderful self, if at different times of the day.

—Sexually Sated New Mom

Thanks for sharing, SSNM, and I hope you’re getting nailed good and hard morning, noon, and naptime.

I’d like to add a bit to your response to MVP, the pregnant woman whose husband wouldn’t boff her. When I was pregnant with both of my kids, my husband readily admitted that the idea of having sex when his kid being inches away gave him the creeps. Unfortunately, part of the deal with pregnancy is hormonal changes that can make the woman much hornier than usual. I sure miss that part. I would advise MVP to enjoy the ride, and play with herself with wild abandon. Maybe she could find an accommodating guy with a kink for pregnant women.

—Please Withhold Name

Thanks for sharing, PWN. But where on earth would MVP find an accommodating guy with a kink for pregnant women? Why, right here in “Savage Love” of course.

Plenty of guys (guys like me) think pregnant women are hot. However, finding a beautiful prego partner can be a challenge. Most traditional venues for hooking up (bars, clubs) don’t really cater to pregnant women. Here’s a solution: Next time MVP goes to the maternity store, she should introduce herself to any guy who comes into the store by himself. Why? Because guys who go to maternity stores alone are only there to check out the prego babes. I guarantee that MVP will find a guy who will happily take care of her husband’s neglected duties.

—Prego Fan

I don’t know what’s creepier: The idea of men with pregnancy fetishes cruising maternity stores, the term “prego,” or you, Prego Fan.

mail@savagelove.net


E-Mail Dan Savage
Send A Letter to Our Editor
Back Home
   
Banner #22
Banner 10000948
Banner 10000006
Banner 10000007
wine recommendations 120 x 90
 
 
 
Copyright © 2002 Lou Communications, Inc., 4 Central Ave., Albany, NY 12210. All rights reserved.