“The best sex I’ve had, by far, was with a woman I met at a goth-industrial bondage-fetish night at a bar in Washington, DC. After talking for a long time that evening, we exchanged phone numbers and spoke again soon thereafter. She was very much a “dom” as they say in that scene (aka, she liked to be in control). After several long and probing conversations in which we deconstructed each other’s fantasies in intimate detail, she requested my presence at her apartment, which was a sort of luxury high-rise in the Virginia suburbs. Greeting me at the door in little more than a wisp of cloth, she ordered me to her room, stripped me bare and proceeded to shower me with the most intense and deeply erotic sexual experience imaginable while heavy industrial club music ground away in the background. The thing that awed me the most was her oral skills. She told the tale about how she was instructed in this department by a gay couple she was friends with. They literally sat her down and showed her exactly what to do, not letting her leave until her technique was perfect. Her hunger for providing oral pleasure was insatiable . . . again and again and again I was treated to the best imaginable feelings. There is no doubt that I met one of the most intensely erotic, skilled, high-libidoed women on the East Coast. After hours and hours and hours of blisteringly hot sex, I left in a daze and stumbled back to my car, only to think to myself, ‘Yessiree, those goth bondage babes have got it going on.’”

“The time my friend strangled me at climax.”

“It was my first time having an encounter with she who is now my girlfriend. The moment I slid the suede from her hips was eight years in the making . . . and worth the wait.”

“Spontaneous encounter with the ex inside the Wings of Change exhibit at the New York State Museum. The winds were howling that day, I tell ya.”

“It was one of those nights my boyfriend and I just had a great, deep connection and we’d been kissing and making out for a while. Sex is always good with us because we’re best friends.”

“I had just moved out of my old apartment and was moving in with my boyfriend. We went back to the empty apartment together to do some last-minute vacuuming and cleaning so that I would get my security deposit back. Something about the empty apartment made us seem like a different place than where I had lived. We felt like we were in an old abandoned building. We made love on the carpet in the dining room. In the kitchen, in the living room, in the hallway—every place that seemed inaccessible before, when the place was full of furniture. The emptiness of the rooms made our voices echo during the more ‘vocal’ moments. When we got back to our new place, we remembered that the carpets in the old apartment had been doused with carpet cleaner the previous day. Our entire bodies started to itch from a combination of a rash from the cleaner and a slight case of rug burn.”

“De-virginizing my small fiancé. It was like midget-tossing and being in a vice grip at the same time. Seven days later I eventually completed the deal. We are still together.”

“I was with two men. Both buff and fine, we went every which way for five or six hours.”

“Swinging with another couple. Meeting them online, then at a bar, where we became friends. Then great group sex.”

“Unfortunately, I’d have to say the best sex of my life would have to be with my current boss. We don’t speak to one another at work, but I think our mutual distaste for one another is the thing that makes sex so intense . . . it’s insane!”

“It came a year after the breakup of my marriage. We worked together. She had comforted me, we were friends first, then lovers. Our bodies were meant to be together. We remain amazing friends.”

“Upon returning from a three-week trip, I had sex with my girlfriend four times in one night. Not a particularly terrific feat, but she screamed so loud each time she came that the next door neighbors complained the next morning.”

“He was 21, I was 30. It was romantic, sweet and innocent. He told me afterwards that I was a great teacher.”

Have you ever had sex with a stranger immediately after a chance meeting at any place other than a bar or party? Describe the situation.

“Back in high school in the mid-’80s, I met a girl in a video arcade. I was 15 and she was probably 14. We both wanted to play Frogger at the same time, and got into a small argument over who should play first. We settled on playing doubles, and after a few games, we went out behind the arcade by a river and just started going at it . . . from ’80s video arcade to naked in about half an hour.”

“A pipe burst in my basement from the cold weather, so I called Farrell Brothers. After he fixed the pipe, he was looking all hot and sweaty. Well. . .”

“I found a lonely-looking blonde downtown in a different city. Being bored, I decided to talk to her. She gave me a ride home, then a ride at home.”

“Yes. Hanging out at my then-girlfriend’s house, one of her old friends who she has not seen in four years arrives. Two bong hits and five shots later, scrumping the friend from behind on a sink. She then became my girlfriend for a while, and we both got thrown out of the house.”

“I once received a blow job from a woman who had played the role of Magenta in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I attended one of the usual midnight showings, and received the treat in my car at a restaurant where the rest of the local cast (not Albany) had gone for a bite to eat.”

What’s the worst situation sex has gotten you into?

“My father finding the incredibly revealing photos I wished I’d never consented to. Sex has never led to anything bad.”

“I was doing an internship at a local law office. I was giving the new lawyer a blow job in his office when his wife walked in with their 3-year-old. She made such a scene one of the partners came in to see what was the matter. We were both terminated from our positions.”

“My ex-best friend called my previous boyfriend’s wife and spilled the beans. Not all our exes live in Texas.”

“Waking up in the morning next to my best friend.”

“Pregnant with a married man’s child, as I was changing jobs and cities.”

“One of my ex-girlfriend’s ex-boyfriends along with 30 of his cro-magnum type associates cornered me and two of my friends on a dead-end street in Bethlehem. We made it back to Troy alive, however.”

“In bed next to a psychopathic woman who confided in me that she thought torturing her brother to death would be erotic . . . and up till then she seemed pretty normal, although maybe a bit ‘laugh at the wrong moments’ kinda awkward . . . I thought she was just nervous.”

“Having sex with my girl and a friend at work. My girl then became jealous and my friend no longer wanted to remain friends—even though she was the one to suggest the whole thing.

“Married.”

“Children.”

“His wife kept calling my cell phone threatening to kick my ass. I had no clue he was even married.”

How has the Internet changed your sex life?

“I’ve had sex with a couple of women I met online, but the time I’ve spent online has also decreased the time I spend interacting with people in the “real world,” so it’s probably come out even in the end.”

“I don’t have to leave the house for porn anymore.”

“Has all but eliminated mine, due to the degree it has improved my husband’s. Where’d that box of tissues go, anyway?”

“I look at porn all the time and jack off.”

“Well, I’ve come up with new and interesting ways to flirt, and describe sexual fantasy scenarios.”

“Not at all, except for the occasional episode of cyber-sex with my boyfriend.”

“I can look at Japanaporn, puppies, booze, chicks with dicks, and Leprechauns fucking Katie Gold in the ass all within 10 minutes.”

“Well . . . [I] met my girlfriend on Nerve.com and she is one of those amazingly eager-in-bed folks that people write letters to magazines about . . . so its done good things.”

“[I] meet a lot of swingers online; I would never have been aware that the lifestyle was so popular otherwise.”

“I realize that there are a lot of women out there who are into getting anal.”

Describe one unfulfilled sexual fantasy.

“Sex with Frodo.”

“I have always wanted someone to be fucked while hogtied.”

“I’ve always wanted to have sex with a woman with no legs.”

“Having two or more men pleasuring me.”

“Have my girlfriend’s two good friends wanting to have sex with me.”

“To be with another girl . . . at least to kiss her, and see if I like it.”

“None yet! Oh—the elevator of my building, but that might be taken care of this weekend.”

“I want to fuck in zero gravity, with assorted blobs of pudding or Jell-o floating around.”

“Have sex with actress Sandra Bullock.”

What’s the oddest thing you’ve ever thought about while having sex?

"Sex with Frodo . . . and Sam.”

“Pencils.”

“Is there any coffee left . . . think I’ll have to buy some, and sugar . . . sugar too.”

“Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

“Work.”

“Dead puppies; makes you last longer.”

“I was in bed with an ex-boyfriend, and across my mind in neon light was ‘God, is he small.’ That was the first time size ever mattered.”

“Crop rotation.”

“Having a two-way with my girlfriend’s sister. She’s older, but very nice.”

“How badly I wanted a Reuben, a double jack and coke, a cigarette, a bong, and a Reese’s sundae from Stewart’s. If I had it all during sex, that would be just hot.”

“Being pissed on by my partner.”

“Will the college escort system still be running when we’re done?”

“That I needed to book my flight home for my grandmother’s funeral.”

What’s your craziest sex story that your friends still won’t believe (and neither will we)?

“My mom used to tweek the breasts and privates of her daughters.”

“One night while skiing at a local mountain, a friend and I picked up a couple of older chicks at the bar. We left with them and went back to their house and started to mess around, after a little while my buddy’s chick said she couldn’t do this because her husband was asleep upstairs! I didn’t care as long as my girl still wanted to until she told me that her friend’s husband was her brother and that her father was also upstairs sleeping! That’s when I left to go find my friend and found him outside in my car jerking off all over himself and my car!”

“People are staggered by the sheer number of three-ways I’ve had—27.”

“Sex in the round elevator at the base of the Egg in the Empire State Plaza.”

“My 27th birthday, this summer. In a fun city with friends who live there, after spending the week with my old summer boyfriend, who left that day. At 2 AM I got dragged to a house party nearby, where I saw the cutest 22-year-old guy. Somehow we got into the bathroom, and emerged when the sun was up, about five hours later (despite frantic knocking at the door before people got the picture we weren’t coming out). By that time I knew his first name (and exactly what he likes). It was his house (with his college roommates), and he walked me back to my friend’s house around noon. We only stopped when we ran out of condoms. And it must have been as good for him—he still e-mails me poems and wants to come to Albany.”

“A guy and I found ourselves without condoms and with no quick pharmacy to get to. He decided to improvise and ran to my kitchen. He came back with a roll of aluminum foil. I explained the impracticality (and pain) involved with that choice. We settled on a sandwich baggie instead.”

“The first time my girlfriend and I had intercourse when we finished she drank my semen from a glass.”

“Eight-way in the bathroom at UAlbany.”

Tell us your best story about getting caught in the act.

“My father found a pair of sweatpants that my lover had ripped the crotch out of for access.”

“Freshman year in college, my roommate and I developed a code. Seeing a shoe on the doorknob meant that the other was getting lucky inside. One evening I put a shoe on the doorknob and my roommate came home, loudly exclaimed, ‘What the heck is one of my shoes doing out here?’ and walked in on me, completely clueless and forgetting about the code.”

“I was giving my boyfriend a blow job and my grandmother walked in.”

“Mom walked in while I was doing a bong hit and receiving head at the end of my bed. My parents were supposed to have been away for two more days—sneaky bastards!”

“Well my caught-in-the act story isn’t so much about being caught in the act of sex, but more about the act of cheating. My boyfriend (whom I was not getting along with so great) at the time and I went to a party at a friend’s house, and while we were there I ran into an old fling; well, after one too many cocktails, one thing led to another, and I got talking with my old flame and we made plans to meet up later on. After dropping my boyfriend off at his house, I headed over to my ex’s. Well, my boyfriend decided he wanted to call and say goodnight, when I didn’t answer my phone, he drove over to my house, and when my car wasn’t there he proceeded right to my ex’s house where my car was sitting out front (stupid, I know, but remember I was pretty sloshed). From there he proceeded back home, and called me at my ex’s house just to let me know I was CAUGHT!”

What’s the most outrageous lie you’ve ever told to get sex?

“I’m a virgin.”

“I swear I don’t have my period.”

“I was a professional hockey player.”

“I am an arc angel disguised as a human.”

“Of course I love you.”

What’s the most outrageous lie you’ve ever told avoid sex?

“I’m a virgin.”

“I’m gay.”

“I have my period and a yeast infection.”

“I had a problem getting a hard-on.”

“I have crabs! Because she was really drunk, really ugly, and really fat. She would not take no for an answer. So I looked her straight in the face and announced I have crabs in a proud voice.”

“I need to be up early in the morning.”

“I had sex last night and I am still having trouble walking.”

What’s the most outrageous lie you’ve ever told to explain where you were last night?

“I brought Linda to the hospital, because she was having chest pains. That’s why I couldn’t call. It will never happen again. Call Linda—she will explain the whole thing.”

What’s your most embarrassing masturbation story?

“My son walked in on me. It took three long seconds before I found the button to turn the buzzing sound off.”

“I was masturbating in my college dorm and my roommate walked in with her parents. I tried to push the vibrator under my pillow and it fell on the floor and turned on and vibrated towards them.”

“At my grandparents’ house us kids we were never allowed upstairs where the bedrooms were, so me and my brothers would always try and sneak up there, and when we got caught we would get punished. When I was 13 years old at Thanksgiving dinner I finally made it upstairs, alone, into my 50 year old aunt’s (she looks like Bea Arthur) bedroom, when I heard someone coming up the stairs. I hid in her closet and looked thru the little blinds on the door to see my aunt start to undress! Well I had never seen a real live naked woman before, so I unzipped my pants, pulled out my pud, and started to whack it. I was sawing away like a madman when I lost my balance and fell backwards and made a little noise. My aunt came over to see what it was, opened the door to find me leaning on some clothes with my meat clamped firmly in my hand. She screamed, ‘What are you doing in there?!’ and I zipped up and she made me go downstairs. Thankfully she never told anyone to this day (I’m now 30), but I still feel weird when I see her. And no, I never got to finish.”

“[My] vibrator went off in the dresser drawer, and Gram heard it; I told her it was a bomb and to get the hell out of the house.”

“Mom walked in while I was looking at the Victoria’s Secret catalog. The exact one she was looking for when she walked in.”

“Right at the point of orgasm, with my legs wide open and fully in the moment—I sneezed. I pulled all of my groin muscles and [I] was walking funny for a few days after. I think I’m the only person I know who’s ever injured themselves while masturbating.”

Tell us about a dream come true that went bad.

“My husband.”

“Silicon tits that leaked.”

“Finally getting the married man I was in love with in bed, then a year later being pregnant.”

“Her name was Jane. If evil wasn’t apparent to me before she sure made me a believer.”

“Wife said she liked girls too . . . then it sort of turned into girls only.”

“I dreamt of sleeping with a coworker, and then she turned out to be mentally ill and began stalking me.”

“I met a wonderful woman, we fell in love, married, had children, and she cheated on me with a coworker.”

What have you been asked to do sexually that you wouldn’t do?

“My feet swelled up after clubbing and since they wouldn’t fit back into my shoes, I walked through the subways barefoot. A cabbie asked to lick my feet clean.”

“Snowball.”

“Someone wanted to play with my shit . . . that’s just gross!”

“[Being with] another man with [my] hubby.”

“Lick an asshole.”

“Have anal done to me.”

“Golden shower.”

“Touch my friends Jim’s cock; the girl said she would blow both of us if I did. I said no and went to another party.”

“Lick a woman’s ass.”

“Oral sex.”

What have you been asked to do that you’ve done and wished you hadn’t?

“Anal.”

“My girlfriend wanted to stick her finger up my ass.”

“Vics Vapo-Rub.”

“Had a ménage a trois with another woman and my boyfriend.”

“Make love with an ex-girlfriend, married to another guy, at his request, while he watched. I was drunk enough to agree, but it wasn’t great sex, and then I got to watch him make love to her. He sensed that I still had a thing for her, and that this would teach me a lesson.”

“An erotic video—hated the experience.”

“Had sex with a girl out of boredom. Her name is Missy—she sucks. I do believe she is made of wood.”

What sexual discovery has changed your life?

“Bunny love. Who needs a man when you have batteries?”

“The sexual discovery that has changed my life the most is the realization that women’s thoughts are just as erotic and intensely sexual as men’s thoughts . . . perhaps more so.”

“Women.”

“[I] have a very dexterous tongue . . . it makes me a hot commodity!”

“That once you orgasm, if he doesn’t, who gives. . . ?”

“Masturbation.”

“Anal.”

“That sex is about having fun and being comfortable, and the more deeply you understand that, the better sex you’ll have. Sex is as much about pleasing yourself and letting yourself have pleasure as it is about pleasing the other person. And that a blow job is the fastest way to a man’s heart.”

“The angry dragon.”

“The pill and the VCR.”

“The art of having my salad tossed.”

“That my partner and I can enjoy being with another couple—without the jealousy, and how much more pleasurable it is to have multiple partners.”

“For the worse, discovering pornography at way too young an age.”

“The power a vibrator has over a woman’s sexuality.”

“Losing virginity.”

“That after losing 100 lbs., I am more flexible and get a lot more sex.”

What is your favorite sexual fetish, and why does that turn you on?

“Penis rubbing my toes. Who knows why? Who cares?”

“My favorite sexual fetish is watching women masturbate. I think it’s just fascinating, since you can learn so much about what they like.”

“I like being dominated by women. They know how to take charge.”

“Looking at aerobics, women in cleavage-popping costumes.”

“Sucking toes. It tends to drive the women wild which in turn turns me on.”

“I like to be called dirty names like slut and bitch.”

“I love sex right after going swimming—peeling off the wet bathing suit, hot breath on cold skin. I don’t know where it comes from, but being in a wet bikini makes me hornier than anything else. I actually think it’s because my first boyfriend and I used to go skinny dipping or swimming in our skivvies at country club pools late and night, then immediately sit in his car and make out. It was my first real sexual experience, and so water turns me on tremendously.”

“A woman who likes to get really covered in semen . . . especially her mouth and face. It makes me think she really must like sex with men.”

“Swallowing semen. Something about the taste, texture and concept drives me crazy.”

“Giving a woman anal. It doesn’t get much more personal than that.”

“Pierced nipples. I have no idea why but every woman should get it done.”

“Being spanked. It turns me on because I like feeling a man’s hand spank my naked ass just enough for it to sting and become red.”

What’s your best public-sex story?

“On the roof of a 33-story building during the Fourth of July fireworks.”

“I was out with a couple friends of mine and we went to a local hot spot in Albany. My friends and I were getting pretty wasted when I bumped into one of my best friends who happened to work at the bar. We both talked for a while and then decided to hit the storage room in the bar upstairs. We were getting pretty hot and heavy upstairs while the music from the floor below us vibrated the floor making my climax stronger and stronger as the beats went on. It was a great night, to say the least, and just the fact of knowing we could get caught at any minute made it that more satisfying.”

“On a CDTA bus, in the back. The people getting on took one look and sat in the front.”

“My girlfriend and I were vacationing in Florida and we were very horny and no one was in the pool so we jumped in the pool and did the dead there.”

“Continuing to fuck in centerfield of a college baseball stadium while security was throwing spotlights everywhere. They didn’t see us, however, so we finished, waited till they left and ran like hell.”

“On a rooftop at a Halloween party in NYC. She was older than I was, and we were both in costume.”

“Under the giant sequoias at Yosemite—with the guide, not my boyfriend.”

“Dressing room and Lord & Taylor.”

What’s your best story about watching or being watched?

“In my early 20s, I worked late one night with a single female coworker. Our conversation turned to sex and we ended up the evening by masturbating together—not touching but watching each other intensely—this was amazingly erotic.”

“When I was back in high school I was at a party and I was watching two brothers screw the school sluts in the same room and then switching partners every few minutes.”

“I got to watch my fiancé go down on my ex-girlfriend. They’re both little and hot. Then they 69ed, and I got to fuck both of them.”

“Watched a girl suck off a German shepard.”

Where do you go to get lucky? Why?

“Cafe Hollywood. No need to say why.”

“No where, I am married, we don’t get lucky.”

“Anywhere the politicians are—they’re the easiest lot.”

“In my wife’s bed, because that’s where she is.”

“Singles group. Good chance.”

“The Internet. There are a lot of horny, hot men there.”

What would improve your sex life?

“I’m imagining that actually having a girlfriend would substantially improve my sex life.”

“Sex with a partner.”

“A man with a libido.”

“Multiple partners.”

“My man doing it a little longer, and getting rid of his fiancée, so he can be with me constantly.”

“When I was younger I could fuck like eight times a night and still be hard; now I am getting older, the little bastard won’t obey me anymore. Now I can only manage three or four. I think that sucks.”

“Additional fun people in our bed.”

“Working out more, and getting into better shape.”

“Have my wife participate in a three-way with me and another woman.”

What’s your favorite body part? Why?

“My favorite body part on anybody is the eyes. If they have amazing eyes that draw me in and give me that tingly sensation, I know they’re a keeper and worth getting to know.”

“My favorite body part on a woman is the clitoris. The reaction you get when you kiss it, lick it and gently suck on it is amazing.”

“Anus. Need I say more?”

“My tongue . . . for its many talents!”

“Ass by a long margin—there is something about a perfect ass; two round fat cheeks which when grabbed gives me a raging woody. I fuck my wife in the ass all the time.”

“A man’s eyes, because you can almost see what he’s fantasizing about in them.”

“Don’t have just one favorite body part I like; both boobs and asses. Just love the feel of nice tight boobs and asses.”

“My fiancé’s ears—they’re little and elf-like.”

“The part between the top of the head and the toes on a woman.”

“The curve from rib cage to waist to hips.”

“A woman’s ass. Poetry in motion.”

“Back of the neck. It’s a deceptively attractive part of the female anatomy, often hidden by long hair and always on display for voyeurs like me.”

“Penis. Feels great when rubbed.”

“A man’s upper arms. I am not really sure why, it just drives me crazy.”

Sexually, is the Capital Region different from other places you’ve been? Explain.

“Not too much to choose from. Men are either married, have poor oral hygiene, are on parole or sell drugs for a living.”

“It’s definitely a varied atmosphere. There’s a place for everybody’s fantasy sexual spot.”

“No, had to find women who want to just have sex and no obligations.”

“Shit, man, if you can’t get laid here you’re dead, and sometimes that doesn’t stop them. Shit—some of the clergy are even getting into the action. SINNERS!”

“I’m from the Capital Region now living in Texas and I have to say that New York has a more openly sexual feeling then the not-so-good-ol’ South.”

“Yes. I grew up in the Midwest. Most men there like vanilla sex: missionary position, etc. I moved to New York and hello! Men here are more willing to try new things. Shake it up a little.”

Are you having more or less sex than you were five years ago? Why?

“I am having a lot less partners as five years ago because I feel as people get older the less people we’re able to meet.”

“I’m definitely having less sex than I was five years ago, primarily because I used to try a lot harder than I do now.”

“More . . . definitely . . . five years ago is when I lost my virginity, so any sex is more than five years ago.”

“I’m slowing down, probably because I want to appreciate someone for more than their performance in the sack.”

“More. Five years ago I was living with my partner and things were getting boring.”

“Some of us are too alien for meeting people easily enough to have the sex life the survey assumes.”

“More, just exploring new things with [my] girlfriend.”

“About the same—I just started seeing someone, and five years ago I was in the same position.”

“Less. Back then I was a man whore. Now I am nesting, it’s fucking mad comfy. We still scrump like Guinea pigs though.”

“More. My girlfriend and I recently got into the swinging lifestyle.”

“More. I was married five years ago.”

“More sex. A lot more! I lost 100 lbs.”

What risks do you consider before having sex? Why?

“HIV and other STDs. I hate condoms, but started using them more because I realized it’s really a choice—if you want to have sex with several people, you have to be careful. if you want monotony—I mean monogamy—then you don’t have to use one if you’re checked out and on the pill. I chose condoms and cute boys!”

“What shit did the dick that was in this girl before me have on it. Strap it, wrap it. I am still scared of herpes though. I am not as afraid though because I devirginized my fiancé and we are monogamous.”

“Mostly ‘is this person nuts or not,’ but also I wear condoms when with a person I don’t know well.”

“Hurting people’s feelings—I want everyone to enjoy. Making sure the woman is satisfied (Because I enjoy seeing her pleasured, and want to please my partner.)”

“STDs, pregnancy. Do I really need to explain?”

“AIDS, pregnancy, fear that the guy will be bad in bed and that I will have to fake the big ‘O,’ fear they will want to stay the night when I really want them to leave afterwards.”

What would your utopian sexual society look like?

“A utopian society; sexuality would actually be a little more of a private matter than it is in the United States today. If sexuality is made commonplace, public and open, it really loses its erotic appeal and thrill. This kind of goes along with the idea that Catholic school girls become voracious tigresses. I think that a little oppression goes a long way in creating sexual excitement.”

“Naked, all naked!”

“Leather, vinyl, latex, chains, cuffs, collars on the boys’ necks and leashes’ in the girls hands!”

“Everyone is about 25 lbs. overweight, is a great cook, open sexually, and very imaginative.”

“All men are clothed. All women are naked. Any man can fuck or do anything with any woman and vice versa.”

“We enjoy others without limitation except that we do not exploit them; others are not merely a means to one’s gratification and sex is not an object of possession (e.g. ‘Did you get some’?) False religionists are shamed away. (Metroland: This is not a conservative utopia.)”

“All women fit and trim and no smaller than B sized cup and totally shaven.”

“People being more open about how great sex is, how it heals everything from depression to PMS. I’d get rid of the idea that boobs that feel like basketballs are sexy, and make women understand that the natural body is the sexiest. In the sexual utopia, people would appreciate all aspects of sexuality, from kissing to foreplay to the time after sex when all feels right. And, of course, it would be safe and you would have to take pills to GET pregnant.”

“Everyone would be into free love, nurturing their partners, sharing and caring and pleasing one another.”

“All of the barstools would have prosthetics attached.”

“One-hundred percent female rule, a no-clothes-allowed law, and public displays of sexual perversions would be rewarded.”