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I
am a 28-year-old straight female with a great boyfriend. I
want to share all my fucked-up fantasies with him—and I have,
so far, except for one. I have these bizarre fantasies about
him overindulging in really bad food and gaining weight. I
am not a chubby chaser—if he got fat I would not be attracted
to him. But whenever he complains about gaining weight or
tells me he was “a total pig today,” I’m outrageously turned
on. I’ve had dreams where he just keeps eating and eating,
and I wake up on the verge of orgasm. What the hell is this?
Have you ever heard of such a thing?
—Feasting
and Tasting Sends Orgasms
Your
acronym, FATSO, is nifty, but your question seems contrived.
While I know for a fact that some people are turned on by
the scenario you describe, I have a hard time believing that
it never occurred to you to tap the particulars of your fetish
into a search engine. Anyone bright enough to come up with
that acronym, and savvy enough about kink to use the phrase
“chubby chaser,” knows enough to Google their kinks. So I
suspect that you know damn well what you are. I also suspect
that you’re male and that you wrote this letter to get your
fetish some exposure. But, hey, on the off-chance that you’re
female and Google-impaired. . . .
People who get off on stuffing their sex partners with unhealthy
food and watch them grow are called “feeders”; people who
get off on being stuffed and getting fat are called “gainers.”
The feeder/gainer fetish goes hand-in-hand with fat fetishism,
of course, although there’s more to your fetish than simply
being into fat guys or potentially fat guys. We live in a
society that’s deeply conflicted about fat and food—we’re
not supposed to be heavy, but many of us are; we’re not supposed
to eat junk food, but many of us do. Intentionally getting
fat, or “forcing” someone to get fat, violates taboos about
what we’re supposed to find attractive; since being fat isn’t
healthy, “forcing” someone to gain weight is subtly sadistic.
By “forcing” your boyfriend to eat a lot of crap, you’re pleasuring
him and hurting him at the same time.
Why are you into this fetish? Hard to say—and if I could tell
you why, would it make any difference? You’re into it, and
a theory about why isn’t going to change anything. Since your
particular version of feeder/gainer fetish isn’t going to
hurt your boyfriend—unlike some feeders, you don’t want to
get him so fat that his life is threatened—you might as well
get down to the business of enjoying it. Tell the boyfriend
about your sexual obsession. Then hand him a grocery bag filled
with junk food and order him to strip down and eat every last
crumb. Because he’s in shape and you want him to stay that
way, FATSO, he obviously can’t indulge your feeding fetish
very often. But gorging on junk food once or twice a year
won’t kill him.
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A year-and-a-half ago I met a very
inexperienced girl at my college. She was very inhibited
until she confessed that she wanted to be tied up. Her inhibitions
vanished—but only when she was tied up. Fast-forward to now.
She’s dating someone else and I was checking out an amateur
bondage Web site and, lo and behold, I find pictures of my
ex. I’m sure it’s her; I recognize a birthmark and the position
she’s in is one of her favorites. She would never agree to
being photographed and would never want pictures like these
posted. She never even wanted to talk about what we did! So
I’m positive that her new boyfriend is taking the pix with
a hidden camera and posting them without her permission.
Do I tell her about the pictures? I’m afraid if she finds
out she’ll drop out of school in shame. I’ve been twisted
in knots about this for almost a month now.
—Bound
to Displease
A
few things to consider: First, pictures posted in “amateur”
porn sites are quickly downloaded, copied and passed around,
and ultimately, they wind up on porn sites all over the Web.
So you can tell your ex about the pictures, BTD, but she’s
not going to be able to do anything about them.
Second, I assume that her face isn’t shown (you would’ve mentioned
if it were otherwise), which means that only people who are
intimately familiar with her birthmarks and her favorite bondage
positions are likely to recognize her.
And third, your best guess is that the pictures were taken
and posted without her knowledge, but your guess is based
on who she was back when you two were together. It seems equally
as likely that she’s more open and more adventurous these
days; after all, she did tell her new boyfriend that she’s
into bondage. Like a lot of kinky people, your ex no doubt
finds it easier to talk about her kink every time she tells
someone new; along with this newfound ease, your ex may have
a newfound sense of adventure. She may very well have posed
for those pictures willingly and given her boyfriend permission
to post them—or, hell, she may have posted them herself.
Or maybe not. In your shoes, BTD, I would tell my ex that
I saw her pictures online. If she knows about them she may
very well dig the fact that you, of all people, saw them.
If she doesn’t know, well, then she needs to know that the
guy who’s tying her up these days can’t be trusted.
Are you crazy? “Female sexual reserve
acts as a built-in check on male sexual excess”?! Are you
seriously implying that frigid bitches keep straight men in
check? I’m a straight woman, Dan, with an amazing boyfriend
that I fuck all the time. I would fuck him more often,
but it’s not physically possible. Built-in check!?
Please tell me your assistant wrote that one!
—Who
You Callin’ Frigid
How
many times have you walked into a dark park or the back room
of a bar and been fucked in the ass by a man you couldn’t
even see? How many blowjobs have you given in a single sex
club in a single night? How many times have you chatted with
a guy online for 10 minutes before inviting him over to your
apartment to fuck your brains out?
I’m guessing that you’ve done these things exactly, oh, ZIP
number of times, WYCF. Well, those are the sorts of things
that many gay men get up to—too many gay men—not all gay men.
Fucking your boyfriend all day, every day? That’s just dandy—but
that’s not what I was talking about. Straight women, as a
general rule, won’t have tons of sex with tons of different
people, although most are willing to have tons of sex with
one man at a time. Men, on the other hand, will have tons
of sex with tons of different people—or I should say, “Gay
men will have tons of sex with tons of people and straight
men would if they could but they can’t because women won’t.”
mail@savagelove.net
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