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I
am a straight male in an exclusive relationship. My girlfriend
and I have been together for two years, and her need for sex
has dwindled. Any attempt to discuss this leads to tears and
blame, i.e. “I am not into sex because you . . .” or “Everything
would be fine if only you would . . .” My most recent attempt
at arousing her interest—taking her to her favorite chic eatery—came
to an end when she passed out on the couch in front of the
TV.
To supplement the once-in-a-while sex, I masturbate. Lately,
though, my girlfriend seems to have developed a problem with
this. She is uncomfortable with me jerking off in bed next
to her while she reads, which I can understand. However, if
I go to the bathroom, she knocks on the door; if I get up
to go to the spare bedroom, she follows me and says she wants
to “talk.” The only time I get to myself is when she is at
work and I’m at home. Lately she has taken to making fun of
me when I stay home, saying things like “Can’t wait for me
to go so you can jerk off, huh?” WHAT THE FUCK? What am I
supposed to do? I understand that people have different sex
drives and all, but if she isn’t up for it I think that she
should at least let me alone to take care of my own needs.
Despite my commitment to our relationship, I am starting to
have thoughts of breaking up with her. Before I take that
step, how can I get her to understand that my jerking off
is not a threat to our relationship?
—Waiting
Around, Needing Krack
It
sounds like your girlfriend suffers from what is, judging
from my mail, a rather common delusion among straight women:
She appears to be one of those women who believes that her
boyfriend is cheating on her when he jerks off and/or looks
at porn. A man can live successfully with a woman who suffers
from this delusion, WANK, and avoid a messy confrontation
provided she keeps him well and thoroughly milked.
You, sadly, are not well milked, and that means you have no
choice but to confront the mean-spirited, controlling, castrating
bitch you’ve foolishly committed yourself to.
Tell your girlfriend that if you wanted to live with a woman
who won’t fuck you and doesn’t want you to masturbate in her
house, you would still live with your mother. While you’re
willing to make allowances for and respect her lower sex drive,
she has to make allowances for and respect your higher sex
drive. Since you don’t get as much as you need from her, you’ll
have to close the gap somehow. You can either jerk off or
you can cheat on her—tell her to take her pick. Impress upon
her that it’s not your jerking off that threatens your relationship,
but her attitude toward your jerking off. And, finally, tell
her in no uncertain terms that the next crack she makes about
you jerking off ends this relationship.
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My
wife and I have been married 17 years. She seemed interested
in sex while we were dating, but her interest diminished dramatically
after we married. For 15 years I was faithful and tried my
best to encourage romance in our marriage, but she was never
interested. I am amazed and envious of men who say they have
had to go without sex for only a month! Over the last 12 years
we made love once a year (when I was lucky), and I had to
endure comments from my wife like, “I appreciate it when you
play with yourself so we don’t have to make love” and “You
wish” whenever I asked for sex.
I didn’t want to have an affair, but I did start seeing prostitutes
at year 14. She found out last year and we are now in marital
counseling. I don’t blame her for being upset with me, and
naturally this seems to have only made things worse and ruined
any chances of my wife and I having a good sexual relationship.
Though I am STD-free, she now says she is scared to make love
with me. We’ve not had sex since she found out about the prostitutes.
Any suggestions for someone who seems condemned to getting
himself off for many years to come?
—Have
a Rather Difficult and Unpleasant Predicament
Here’s
a suggestion: Start seeing prostitutes again.
Your wife is a bullshit piñata, HARDUP, and you’re a fucking
pansy. She claims she’s too “scared” to have sex with you
because you visited a few prostitutes. So what was her excuse
before she found out about the prostitutes? No, the
prostitutes aren’t the problem. You endured 14 years of sexual
deprivation before you turned to whores, HARDUP, and any woman
who refuses to have sex with her husband more than once a
year can’t complain when he fucks around on her.
So stand up on your hind legs, HARDUP, and tell you wife that
you’re done apologizing. Say this: “Yeah, I saw a few prostitutes.
What the fuck did you expect me to do? Cut my dick off?” Then
tell her that you’re done with marital counseling, done feeling
guilty, and done asking her for sex. If she wants a sexless
marriage—and clearly that’s what she’s wanted all along—she
can fuckin’ have one. But just because sex isn’t part of your
marriage doesn’t mean that sex isn’t going to be part of your
life. You’ve gone without long enough and you’re going to
get sex where and how you can, and if she doesn’t like it
she can fucking lump it.
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I’m going to cut straight to the
chase: I am a good looking 20 year old with a boyfriend I
love dearly. I’ve been with him for over a year and we live
together. He is about twice my weight and it shows. I can
easily get around this, no biggie, but what bothers me is
his blandness in bed. I love to suck dick, he doesn’t like
getting his dick sucked; I want to fuck in the shower, he
doesn’t want to; I want to be tied to the bed and that just
isn’t going to happen. The problem is that I love him! We’re
making plans for a permanent future together. I am to the
point where I feel like I am going to start cheating on him
and I don’t want to do that! I am begging for any kind of
advice you can give because right now I am screwed up in the
head! Sex is more or less all I am thinking about these days.
—Horny
on Tap
Why
on earth would you even contemplate marrying someone who not
only doesn’t meet your sexual needs, HOT, but doesn’t care
that he
doesn’t meet your sexual needs? It’s clear from your letter
that you’re far too young, far too inexperienced, and far
too stupid to make a commitment to this guy or any guy. If
you do marry this guy, I predict that you will one day meet
a guy who wants to fuck your face, fuck you in the shower,
and tie you to a bed and fuck your brains out. When you meet
that guy, HOT, you won’t be able to resist. So by staying
with this you’re only setting yourself up for a much more
explosive, much uglier break-up down the road.
If you don’t want to wind up in marital counseling 17 years
from now being made to feel guilty for “cheating” on your
inconsiderate, selfish, lardassed husband, DUMP HIM RIGHT
NOW!
mail@savagelove.net
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