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Like
many 40-year-old guys, I’m attracted to the girl at my morning
coffee place. She’s a biker, pierced, tattooed, dark-haired,
beautiful and intelligent. However, I am pretty sure she likes
girls. She’s always nice but maybe just because I am a customer?
I spend way too much time thinking about exploding my rocket
all over her. I would have no problem sharing her with another
girl. Do I respect her right to do her job and be left alone,
or do I tell her what I’m thinking?
—WMD
I’ve
got three suggestions for you, WMD.
First suggestion: Stop kidding yourself. While it’s terribly
gracious of you to offer to share your coffee girl with someone
she might conceivably find attractive—i.e. someone her own
gender and her own age—your twin hunches are almost without
a doubt correct, WMD: She’s nice to you, but only because
you’re a customer; and she’s a bike-riding, pussy-lickin’
dyke.
Second suggestion: Stop fucking around and tell her how you
feel. What besides your morning coffee place have you got
to lose? There’s a war on, motherfucker! The whole fuckin’
world is falling the fuck apart! Take a goddamn chance!
Third suggestion: “Exploding my rocket” is not an acceptable
sexual metaphor at a time like this—or at any other time.
What’s more, a pierced, tattooed barista will probably lean
toward the No War position, and may be turned off by militaristic
sexual imagery. If you do hit on her—sorry, “make a pass at
her”—try asking if you can, oh, smear your hot hummus all
over her warm pita or something. Antiwar biker dykes really
dig middle-aged vegan dudes. Or so I’m told.
I’m a female college senior and I’m
going to graduate in a couple of months. I’m very attracted
to one of my teachers. For the past year I’ve been trying
to get his attention and sort of flirt with him. He’s starting
to pay me a lot of attention, and I really think that he might
like me, but he’s still not making a move. Do you think he’s
just not interested? Is that why he hasn’t made a move yet?
Am I a pansy for not hitting on him?
—Hot
for Teacher
You’re
not a pansy, HFT, you’re just a dope. Do you know why your
teacher hasn’t made a move yet? Because he doesn’t want to
lose his job. Rest assured: Your year-long effort to
get his attention—a campaign that I suspect has been something
less than subtle—made an impression. If he wants you, he’ll
let you know just as soon as you graduate.
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I realize that in all likelihood,
due to its obviously controversial nature, there is probably
no way in hell this question will ever get printed, but I’m
going to go for it anyway: Is it more racist in nature to
be white and detest a white guy who acts black so he can get
with black women, then it is to actually be black and hold
abhorrence towards the white guys that do it? Food for thought
at best, maybe, but I am honestly curious as to your opinion
regarding this matter. I am sure you already know this, but
in today’s “socio-conscious” America, an inquiry regarding
this issue is almost one in which the only outcome possible,
even at merely pondering such things as race “relations,”
has become social grounds for intense finger pointing. At
any rate, I think it is only justified to raise such a question,
for the simple fact of clarification, and I really do want
to know which position is “the worst of two evils,” if there
is one?
—Fakers
Understandably Bother Us
I
had to read FUBU’s letter three times just to figure out what
the hell he was talking about. I’m still not sure I get it,
but what I think FUBU wants to know this: Is it more racist
for white guys to be annoyed—even to the point of abhorrence—by
white guys who act black in order to get black girls or for
black guys to be annoyed by white guys who act black to get
black girls?
Look, FUBU, no one needs anyone else’s permission to be annoyed.
We all have the inalienable right to be annoyed by anyone,
for any reason, at any time. We do, however, have to respect
the inalienable right of others to act as they please—even
of it annoys the shit out of us, even if they’re only doing
it to get into black girls’ pants.
I am a 25-year-old straight male.
I recently started to fantasize about anal sex. I would like
to give it a try with my girlfriend. How do I bring it up?
I know from talking to others who have tried it can be rather
unpleasant the first time. I figured a knowledgeable gay male
like you would have some suggestions.
—Anal
Sex Suggestions
I
suggest you tell your girlfriend that you’ve enlisted in the
Marines and that you need her to do something very, very special
for you before you march off to liberate the people of Iraq.
Like all first-time buttfuckees, your girlfriend might experience
some slight discomfort, ASS, but you should encourage her
to view it as her small contribution to the war effort.
I have a strange fetish: I would
love to have sex with a woman that was incredibly bored with
me being there. If she were doing something else like reading
a book or maybe doing her nails or watching TV, possibly,
while I was going at it, I would find that incredibly hot.
I have been with women who like to be tied up, beat, bitten
and all kinds of things but not one of them would indulge
me. So my question is, is there a name for this fetish? I
tried looking it up and can’t find anything. I couldn’t possibly
be the only one who likes this.
—Bore
Boy
What
you describe is not a fetish, BB, it’s a scenario.
You want to fuck a woman who cops an attitude and acts like
you’re doing a pretty lousy job of it. Is there a name for
your turn-on? Sure. I’d say you’re into a rare kind of erotic
humiliation—a category so broad and so vague that it encompasses
everything from being pissed on to being called names to being
dragged around a BDSM party on a leash. Are you the only one
who enjoys the kind of humiliation scene you describe? No,
you’re not—so how come you couldn’t find any info about your
turn-on when you tried to look it up? Well, because what you
want to do is so easily accomplished—no props, no costumes,
no eye-bolts—that people who share your kink don’t have to
join clubs or put up Web sites. All you have to do is ask
your sex partner very nicely to indulge you: “It would turn
me on like crazy if you ignored me while I fucked you, and
acted like you could care less. I know it sounds freaky but
for some reason it makes me so hot to think about it!” Only
the dullest and most selfish lover would refuse to play along.
mail@savagelove.net
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