a gay high school sophomore and I’ve had no luck finding other
guys. I turned to the Internet and met a really nice guy that
wants to help me live out my dreams of being another dude’s
sex slave. He offered to pick me up after school and take
me to his house. The only problem is he’s 38 and I’m 15. My
parents don’t know about any of this. Should I say sure to
this plan or should I go to the cops?
—Fifteen and Gay
NOT GO TO THAT MAN’S HOUSE! Look, FAG, I understand what you’re
going through. It sucks to be 15 and gay and isolated. And
it sucks to be horny and frustrated. And while your desires—your
dream of being another dude’s sex slave—are perfectly
delightful fantasies, the safe, sane, responsible people out
there who share them will not play with kids your age.
All you know for sure about this 38-year-old man is that he’s
willing to pick a 15-year-old boy up after school and take
him home and “enslave” him. Ask yourself this: Would a really
nice guy into BDSM troll around on the Internet looking for
kids your age? No, FAG, really nice kinky guys don’t do that.
Since this asshole is willing to break the law to get into
your pants (he probably broke the law just talking to you
about it), what other illegal things might he be willing to
do? Once he has you at his house, what assurance do you have
that he will let you leave? What assurance do you have that
he will refrain from doing things to you that you don’t want
done? You could get infected with HIV, brutalized, raped,
or killed. Or all of the above.
Trust me, FAG, in a few years you’ll start meeting more guys
around your own age and you won’t feel so isolated. And when
you’re legal, I promise you that you’ll start to meet the
nice kinky guys—kinky guys who share your fantasies
but aren’t willing to break the law and rape teenagers to
realize them. Finally, I’d like to invite folks into BDSM
to write in with their advice for guys and girls like FAG—what
do kinky young people with access to the Internet need to
know? How can they tell the good kinky people from the bad?
And as for whether FAG should go to the cops, I’m going to
punt that question. What do you, kinky and non-kinky readers
alike, think? Should FAG go to the cops? I have some thoughts
but I want to hear yours first.
an 18-year-old girl in a small town in Tennessee. My best
friend David is fairly antisocial. The problem is that he’s
wanting to move in with a woman he met online. David is my
age and this woman is 22! She lives in San Francisco, and
he’s never even met her! They talk over IM and she seems nice,
but I don’t like it. David thinks he’s in love. His parents
are totally against this relationship and the girl is catching
shit from her friends in San Francisco. I went along with
this whole deal for a while, I’ll admit, but I never thought
it was going to get this far. David says that he loves me
for standing by him. What I really want to do is take a bat
upside his head and beat some logic into him. I wish I could
tell him that he’s making a terrible mistake. What can I do?
I’ve been reading your column since I was 14, and I would
really appreciate your advice.
Just one last thing, and it’s for me: I’m about to enter college
and am still a virgin. I’m really nervous about having sex.
I know I’m going to be inept at first, but will being a virgin
turn people off?
Unlike FAG and the fucking creep who offered to pick him up
at school, your friend David and his friend in San Francisco
are both adults—young adults—which makes their willingness
to take a chance on love kinda charming, even if the odds
are stacked against them. Yes, David is probably about to
make a terrible mistake, FIT, and David may wind up with a
broken heart, which will suck for David. And, hey, maybe what
David really wants is to get the hell out of that small town
in Tennessee and his relationship with this woman is just
his excuse. And shit, FIT, at 18 you’re supposed to make a
few terrible mistakes.
Still, as a friend, you owe it to David to tell him how you
feel—but tell him gently and tell him you’re still
on his side. Warn him about the long odds and ask him to be
realistic. Make sure he has a back-up plan if it turns out
that he’s not into this woman once he meets her in person.
(Is he going to stay in San Francisco? Where will he live?
How will he support himself?) And if you want to be the best
friend in the whole sordid history of best friends, go to
San Francisco with him. If it’s a disaster, David will need
your support. If he’s blinded by love, David may not be able
to see the track marks on her arms, the 5 o’clock shadow on
“her” face, or the Bush-Cheney bumper sticker on her car.
You will, though, and you can point them out if you’re there.
And if she’s wonderful and it works out—fat chance,
but stranger things have happened—you can vouch for
this woman to folks back home.
P.S. No one you would want to sleep with once you get to college
is going to hold your virginity against you. Just be honest
with potential sex partners: You’re ready, willing, able,
enthusiastic and inexperienced. If they know where
you’re coming from, they’ll regard your initial ineptitude
as a charming challenge
PISS, the woman having a hard time peeing on her boyfriend,
doesn’t have to spend $350 for a sex-toy toilet. Portable
camping toilets are much cheaper. They’re basically toilet
seats on legs. The logistics may be a little more challenging,
since it wasn’t designed to have a person down under there,
but since they cost as little as $10, it seems worth a shot.
And if her mom finds it in a closet, she can tell her it’s
a fellow lesbian ejaculator, I have a money-saving tip for
Water Works. If she’s looking for something less expensive
and more comfortable than $200 rubber sheets, she can buy
“underpads” from a medical supply store. They come in disposable
or washable options and they’re a lot cheaper. Howard Medical
sells a carton of 200 disposable “underpads” for $30.
Expensive Solution Better Option
for the money-saving tips, OW & LESBO. The options I presented
to PISS and WW were pricey, I admit, but I was only trying
to save American jobs. The last thing our faltering economy
needs right now is for the normally robust fetish-gear sector
to go into a slump.