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I’m
a 16-year-old girl with a 17-year-old boyfriend. My boyfriend
is religious and strongly against sex before marriage (vaginal,
anal, or even oral). Recently our making out has led to “dry
humping.” I’ve heard all sorts of things from peers and teen
magazines about what can happen when a guy ejaculates in this
situation, and I would like to know just how far semen can
travel and through what, if any, fabrics. Thank you for any
help you can provide.
Nervous
and Horny in Va.
Yes,
Virginia, you can get pregnant if your boyfriend comes on
you—even if he only comes on your clothes. Didn’t they cover
this in the abstinence “education” you’ve been subjected to
in high school? Semen can bore through your clothing and penetrate
your skin, and then travel through your veins into your uterus
where, if you’re ovulating, it can make you pregnant. Of course,
his semen may not make it to your uterus. It could travel
through your bloodstream and into your heart or your lungs,
where it can penetrate the pulmonary alveoli. If it reaches
your small intestine, it can mature there into adulthood and
begin to lay eggs.
No, wait . . . I’ve confused semen with roundworms. Fucking
Google. Sorry about that.
If your boyfriend isn’t coming inside you and you’re not pressing
your semen-soaked panties hard into your crotch, NAHIVA, the
odds that you’ll get knocked up are nil. So you go right ahead
and enjoy the hell out of the humping—even if it is going
to land you both in hell. After all, every religion that bans
premarital vaginal, anal, and even oral sex also bans premarital
“dry humping”—particularly the kind of dry humping that leaves
you sopping wet.
I’m
a 20-year-old lesbian. Last year I fell in love with my straight
best friend, who was, and is, in a committed relationship.
One night, in an ill-conceived bout of honesty, I told her
about my feelings. She, of course, became angry that I hadn’t
been honest with her from the beginning so we could have worked
it out before my feelings became so strong. We tried to get
around it, but eventually stopped talking altogether. I am
now over my feelings for her, and a few months ago we began
talking again.
The problem is this: She’s getting married to her boyfriend
of four years in a month, and I think she is making the biggest
mistake of her life. Her boyfriend is a complete idiot and
he doesn’t treat her very well. If I tell her what I think,
I’ll come across as jealous and she’ll hate me again. How
can I tell her this without losing her?
Not
Willing to Lose Her
Are
you this woman’s only friend? If you are, NWTLH, there’s more
wrong with your pal than just her taste in men. If you’re
not, take your concerns to her other friends and see if they
share them. If they don’t, well, there’s something wrong with
you—you’re still hung up on your friend and it’s your judgment
that’s fucked up, not hers. But if a significant number of
her friends agree that she’s making a big mistake, NWTLH,
beg them to do for your friend what you, considering your
history, can not do—i.e., slap some sense into her fool head
before it’s too late.
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My
boyfriend and I recently posted pictures of ourselves performing
medium-to-very-kinky sexual acts on a porn Web site. This
is the first time we have left our faces unblurred. To access
the site you must pay a yearly fee; pictures stay up on the
site for about a month before they are removed. Here is my
question: What is the probability that, say, a boss, a little
brother, or a jealous ex-boyfriend with a purity complex will
find these pictures? My boyfriend claims the chance is next
to zero, but I want an unbiased expert opinion.
Settle
Unsettling Bet
You
probably should’ve sought out my unbiased expert opinion before
you posted the pictures, SUB, but for what it’s worth:
I’ll bet you anything you like that someone you know—a family
member, a coworker, your congressional delegation—has already
seen the pictures. Your boyfriend is full of shit, SUB. The
pictures are on a pay site? They’re only up for a month? Well,
guess what: People download images from pay sites, post them
on free Web sites, and e-mail them to their friends. As a
general rule folks shouldn’t put anything on the Internet
that they don’t want their bosses, parents, siblings, ex-boyfriends
(with or without purity complexes), children, children’s children,
or children’s children’s children to see.
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Recently
my mother asked me to come over to her place for some computer
assistance. When I showed up, it turned out that someone in
her house had been looking at lots and lots of gay porn on
the Internet, and it was showing up in her history file. My
two brothers and dad all live at home. My brothers deny that
they looked, and she won’t ask Dad. She wanted me to set up
parental controls so that no one would be able to look at
porn. I had a problem with that because if it’s her kids doing
the looking, controls are fine, but if it’s her husband I
don’t think controls are appropriate. Also, it won’t resolve
the fact that someone in the house has a not-so-secret. Now
I wonder all the time who is in the closet (both brothers
have girlfriends, and Dad is still married to Mom), and whether
he is just too stupid to clear the history or wants to be
found out. Is there any way to find out who is gay without
being an asshole?
Wondering
Who Is Gay
There’s
no way to find out who was looking at gay porn on your mother’s
computer without being a complete asshole—to your brothers,
to your dad, and to your mom. For your mom’s sake, WWIG, I
hope it was one of your brothers and not your father—realizing
her husband is gay or bisexual would suck for your mom in
a huge way, wouldn’t it? And if it turns out that your dad
is a cocksucker—if your mother is presented with irrefutable
proof—she may feel that she has no choice but to divorce him.
And if he’s running around with other men, your mom may be
at risk for any number of STDs.
But what if your mom doesn’t want to press the issue with
your dad because sex doesn’t play a huge role in their married
life? What if your mother is content with things as they are?
What if she just wants to let this sleeping dog lie? If your
mom wants to live in a tiny bit of denial, WWIG, and comfort
herself with the thought that one of her sons was just curious
or will come out to her one day, and doesn’t regard the small
chance her husband is cheating on her with men as a threat,
well, what business is it of yours? Unless you want to sleep
with your dad or your brothers, I don’t see as how “who is
in the closet” much concerns you. If you don’t want to be
an asshole—if you don’t want to keep being an asshole, I should
say—you’ll drop it.
mail@savagelove.net
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