a dick. Ive been enjoying your column for years, but
your reply last week to Confused in Ohio, who
was worried about her boy-porn-perusing boyfriend, is typical
bi-phobia. I thought you had laid your bi-phobia to rest when
you finally relented and acknowledged that yes, there are
lots of bisexuals. But now you are back to your same old agenda,
the agenda shared by so many other people who desperately
want to make themselves right by projecting everyone
else to be the same as they are.
The actual fact, as established by Kinsey and others, is that
sexual preference is not just black or white but includes
a variety of shades of gray. And a bisexual person can be
a little gay and a lot straight or a little straight and a
lot gay, but he is still bisexual, not gay. The fact that
CIOs boyfriend was fucking her makes it clear that hes
not gay. Hes bisexual! Why is that so hard to understand?
Pussy good! Cock good! Love both! Bisexual! Get it?
off the bisexual blinders and re-read CIOs letter, AA.
Her boy-porn-perusing boyfriend is cruising the Internet for
gay porn and personals, obsessed with the taboo
of homosexuality, and having sex with men. Worried that he
might be gay, CIO mentions that their sex life is good, owing
to the fact that it takes him a very long time to reach orgasm.
In fact, sometimes he doesnt get there at all.
me, AA, that long-time-to-reach, sometimes-doesnt-get-there
stuff was the red not bisexual, gay flag. One
reader who agreed with my take on CIOs boyfriend chided
me for not giving proper emphasis to this revealing detail:
You failed to mention, Dan, that CIOs boyfriends
sexual stamina (he takes a very long time to reach orgasm,
and sometimes never gets there at all) is probably due to
the fact that she doesnt really turn him on, and/or
he has trouble fantasizing about his chatroom buddies when
hes in bed with her and not at his PC.
lets emphasize it now: CIOs boyfriend, unlike
a truly bisexual dude, doesnt sound very passionate
about heterosexual sex. The fact that CIOs boyfriend
was able to fuck her does not, AA, make it clear that
hes not gay. If fucking a woman proves a mans
not gay, then Im not gay. Like almost all gay men out
there, AA, I have successfully fucked womenI had to
think about guys the whole time, and it didnt always
work (I didnt always get there), but I managed.
while Im willing to acknowledge that there are lots
of bisexuals out there, AA, you have to be willing to acknowledge
that there are lots of closet cases out there tooand
some are so motivated to remain closeted, as I once was, that
theyll fuck women to prove theyre
straight. Refusing to believe CIOs boyfriend is bisexual
doesnt mean I dont believe that other people arent
bisexual. You, for instance. You say youre bisexual
and why would I doubt you? Youve got the wounded tone
of the professional bisexual down patnot to mention
the hypocrisy. (Its not OK for me to claim
CIOs boyfriend is gay, but you can claim him as bi?)
for making myself right by projecting my own sexuality
(gay, gay, gay) onto CIOs boyfriend (gay, gay, gay),
I dont see how lumping myself in with a lying, cheating,
closeted coward makes me right. To out fags, AA,
the antics of closet cases with girlfriends are an embarrassment
and, in this day and age, a relic. If I could avoid projecting
my own sexuality onto CIOs idiot boyfriend, I would:
It doesnt exactly flatter me or other gay men to count
him in our numbers. If I thought he were bi, AA, Id
be happy to let you have him.
If Confused in Ohio doesnt want to listen
to your advice, perhaps shell take mine as the voice
of experience. Everything she described happened to me 14
years ago. My boyfriend wanted desperately not to be gay,
and did his best to convince me too. Sex was fairly decent,
in part because he was very motivated to please me and he
rarely came (I didnt think about the implications of
that fact). He told me, Thats just how I am.
After we got married, he told me that the gay porn I kept
finding was only a hobby. I tried for many years
to be open-minded and accepting, but got tired of waking up
in the night, alone in the bed, knowing that he was in the
computer room masturbating to more gay porn. After 12 years
of marriage and three kids, he came out and we divorced. CIO:
Dump your gay boyfriend before he becomes your gay husband,
gay father of your children, and gay ex-husband.
There in Iowa
for sharing, BTII.
have a different take on autofellatio, autofellatio in front
of your girlfriend, and swallowing ones own come than
you presented in your column last week: Its a humiliation/submissive/rape-type
Speaking strictly for myself, I consider myself straight and
I can do the autofellatio thingand the girlfriend has
watched me. And it was about humiliation, being dominated,
or doing something considered gross, like swallowing
my own come. Showing the girlfriend what I could do, as WAC
did, was a way to get closer to my fantasy of being forced
to do something gross in front of someone. In
other words, Im suggesting that WACs fella may
want to be spanked and ordered to swallow while hes
sucking. In fact, I think that the letters in last weeks
column, all of them concerning straight men doing things like
sucking themselves, eating their own come, and being fucked
with strap-ons, all have to do with men wanting to be dominated.
I dont necessarily mean a full-on, tied-to-the-wall-and-fucked-up-the-ass-while-clothespins-are-gripping-your-
nipples kinda thing; but some peopleincluding me somewhatare
turned on by an element of embarrassment or humiliation.
Finally, like many men, I found that the second I actually
came, this thing I had been fantasizing aboutbeing forced
to swallow my own comestruck me as not nearly as good
an idea as it was the second before I came.
for sharing, MTC.
your gripe with Rufus Wainwright? Hes a wonderful singer-songwriter,
hes out, and hes adorable. Why all the Rufus bashing
in last weeks column?
actually like Rufus Wainwright, Jeff. Ive been a fan
since Equality Rocks, a concert held in Washington, D.C.,
after one of those quickly forgotten gay marches for freedom,
equality, T-shirts, and an end to AIDS, racism, lookism, ageism,
and other bad stuff. Unlike everyone else who took to the
stage that dayAnne Heche, Ellen DeGeneres, George Michael,
et al.Rufus refrained from making a complete ass out
of himself. That was then. In an interview in The New York
Times a few weeks back, Wainwright discussed his recent emergence
from gay hellbasically, hed been using
way too many drugs and having way too much sex, and made himself
miserable in the process. I found Rufus gay hell
comments annoying, Jeff, as no one is cast into gay hellpeople
dive into that particular lake of fire voluntarily, which
makes it hard to sympathize with guys who complain about the
time they spend there. So I was just, er, tweaking Rufus about
the gay-hell thing.