since I started attending university and had full access to
the Internet, I have developed a new fetish. I want to be
treated like a baby. I have a girlfriend. We have been together
for over three years now—almost as long as I have been reading
your column. I want to tell her about my thing for infantilism
but I don’t know how. She took my experimentation with wearing
women’s underwear pretty well, but somehow I think this is
a bit more extreme.
About Being Young
so it is, BABY, so it is. But why is it?
A man who wears women’s underwear is transgressing against
what it means to be an adult, fully sexual male by wearing
the panties of an adult, fully sexual female. While most women
experience a short “my-boyfriend/husband-must-be-gay!” freak-out
when they learn the guy they’re dating/married to likes to
wear panties, most calm down after they’ve been reassured
that men who wear women’s undies are, almost without exception,
straight guys. (The ones to watch out for, ladies, are guys
who wear jock straps when they’re not at the gym—particularly
brightly colored jocks. They’re the ones smokin’ pole behind
your backs.) But a man who wants to wear diapers and be treated
like a baby? That’s a different basket of diapers, BABY. He’s
perceived as transgressing against what it means to be an
adult, period, by sexualizing infants. Most people are going
to be uncomfortable with that—and rightly so. Eroticizing
infants is not something any responsible adult should casually
sign off on.
But infantilism does not, out adult babies will cry, eroticize
infants. And they’re correct: Infantilism eroticizes the way
infants are treated—the intimacy, the diapers, the powder,
the plastic pants. And, of course, the powerlessness of infants.
As with most fetishes, infantilism is about domination and
control. Baby babies are helpless, totally dependent on their
parents; they can’t even control their own bladders. Adult
babies are turned on by that extreme-yet-cozy degree of helplessness.
The humiliation of being treated like an infant is the turn-on;
there is nothing erotic for adult babies about actual infants.
People who find infants erotic rape babies, BABY, they don’t
dress up like them.
On to your girlfriend: If she signed off on the women’s underwear
thing without freaking out, odds are good that she’ll come
around on the baby thing after you spill the beans. Her willingness
to play mommy to your baby depends on just how madly in love
with you she is. This is often the case with extreme fetishes:
If a vanilla partner can’t picture her life without her kinky
mate, BABY, she may be willing to indulge him. If she can,
however, you’re toast.
Finally, I want to reassure everyone out there reading this—particularly
parents about to send their kids off to college—that there’s
nothing about Internet access or my column that turns men
into infantilists. BABY may not have heard the term “infantilism”
until going to college, but he was a huge perv before he logged
on. Many pervs will say that they “developed a fetish” after
stumbling over a website devoted to a particular kink. What
they mean, however, is that they found a kink that allowed
them to express desires that they already had—usually a desire
to dominate or be dominated; desires that were, without a
doubt, already playing out in their sex lives. Learning about
a bizarre fetish doesn’t make you into a bizarre fetishist.
(Case in point: I didn’t become an infantilist after reading
BABY’s letter—did you?) It already has to be in you.
My roommate is a total stud. He’s always scoring hot bitches.
A few months ago, he had an idea about how to make sure they
go away and stay away after he’s done with them: He calls
me on his cell before he heads home from the clubs with his
latest conquest and I hide in his room. After he’s done fucking
a girl, I reach out from under the bed, grab her leg/ass/tits/whatever,
and freak the shit out of her. She bolts, never to be heard
from again, and we both die laughing as these mortified chicks
take off screaming. Is there anything legally problematic
about this? Will my roommate and I end up in jail? Thanks,
Eager Peeping and Reaching Tom
legally problematic? Besides the whole sexual assault aspect
of what you’re doing? Or the possibility that you’re breaking
a “peeping tom” law? Or the chance that, sooner or later,
one of these mortified chicks is going to run into a wall
or fall down the stairs and seriously hurt herself?
Before I finish blowing up at you, let me say this: I understand
why straight men hold straight women in contempt. I also understand
why straight women hold straight men in contempt. And I understand
why gay men hold gay men in contempt, lesbians hold lesbians
in contempt, and bisexuals hold everybody in contempt. We
all have to make ourselves vulnerable to people we find attractive.
Straight men make themselves vulnerable to straight women;
straight women make themselves vulnerable to straight men;
gay men to other gay men; lesbians to other lesbians; bisexuals
to anything that moves. And making ourselves vulnerable means
getting hurt. A cruel sexual putdown, a toxic boyfriend/girlfriend,
an abusive spouse, a devastatingly bad breakup or divorce,
contracting an STD, a total asshole hiding under the bed—those
experiences can be terribly scarring. Even people who haven’t
had bad romantic experiences develop a sort of anticipatory
contempt for the people they find attractive. Allowing ourselves
to feel and express a little contempt makes us feel a little
less vulnerable. So straight men call straight women bitches,
straight women will call straight men assholes, gay men call
other gay men whores, etc. Everybody does it.
But the mark of all healthy adults—all adults worthy of sex
and human intimacy—is that their expressions of contempt are
designed to blow off steam, manage their fears, exorcise their
demons, and get it all out of their systems before they have
to interact with anyone sexually. Someone who expresses understandable
feelings of contempt by actually hurting or terrifying or
abusing a sex partner, DEPART, is a foot-wide, shit-smeared
asshole. What you and your roommate are doing isn’t
cute, it isn’t funny, it’s definitely illegal, and the next
time you do it I hope to God the woman you sent screaming
returns with the police. Or better yet, I hope she pulls a
gun out of her purse and does all the other women out there
the courtesy of blowing both your dicks off. Bro.
When your readers came up with a term for a woman fucking
a straight guy with a strap-on, I never thought that I would
see “pegging” anywhere outside of your column. I just read
an excerpt from the short story Guts by Chuck Palahniuk
in Playboy and the word appears in the proper context. I guess
your column gets around.
addition to Mr. Palahniuk’s use of “pegging,” PEG, a recent
episode of The Shield featured a female cop complaining
that a john she busted wanted to be “pegged” with a strap-on.
Pegging a guy can, of course, create santorum—another term
my readers not only defined, but are busy popularizing. (As
always, santorum news, sightings, and debate can be found
at www.spread ingsantorum.com.)