Amtrak . . . State Street, Schenectady . . . anything for kids . . . tulips in Albany . . . free concerts

Best Misuse of Public Funds

Joe Bruno’s maneuverings . . . Luther Forest Chip Plant . . . putting innocent people in jail for outdated drug laws . . . supporting the corrupt . . . planting and unplanting of trees on Lark Street . . . Albany Police Department . . . charter schools . . . Albany parking meters

Best Way to Lure People to the Capital Region

Professional sports team . . . lower taxes . . . by train . . . concerts . . . jobs that pay living wage . . . stop building sprawl . . . Saratoga Race Course . . . Adirondacks ads . . . the Egg . . . give a George Forman grill with every parking ticket . . . offer free beer . . . discount Amtrak fares . . . change its name to Los Angeles, hope no one notices . . . $1 crack pipes . . . make it the Nashville of the Northeast . . . free dogs

Best Time to be Had For Under $10

Jumpin’ Jack’s Drive-in . . . Scotia Waterskiing . . . three-dollar Proctor’s movie . . . Lebanon Valley Speedway . . . happy hour at Bombers . . . apple picking . . . Washington Park Playhouse . . . Riverfront Walkway . . . fireworks at the Plaza . . . Alive at Five . . . movies at the Spectrum . . . Foggy Notions in Cambridge . . . Washington Park plays . . . Troy hookers . . . a movie at the Spectrum . . . glass of wine at Antica Enoteca . . . see a show at Valentine’s . . . $9 advance ticket for the Altamont Fair’s horse-pulling contest

Best Place to See & Be Seen

Track . . . Riverfront Park . . . Saratoga . . . Victoria Pool . . . Jack’s . . . Crossgates . . . Victorian Stroll . . . Downtown Albany . . . big window in the bar in Bombers . . . Alive at Five . . . Lark Fest . . . Fort Orange Club . . . the Track . . . Lark Street . . . Troy Pohl’s back window

Best Place to See Without Being Seen

Track . . . Colonie . . . Corning Tower . . . Marriott . . . second level of Crossgates . . . Pepsi Arena . . . Night Moves . . . lunch in the plaza . . . Albany Airport . . . Yaddo

Best Thing That Could Happen to Albany

Honest, hard-working legislators . . . new mayor . . . land a pro team . . . more malls . . . no more drugs . . . move 787 . . . an aquarium downtown . . . a governor from upstate New York . . . get a subway system . . . Empire State Plaza Music Festivals . . . light rail . . . new mayor . . . bring back Cher . . . Alice Green elected mayor . . . full churches

Best Thing That Could Happen to Troy

More river development . . . fill in empty stores . . . tear down Atrium . . . bring back Uncle Sam . . .safer streets . . . slide into the Hudson . . . approve the waterfront plan . . . conflagration . . . full churches . . . Extreme Makeover: the city edition

Best Thing That Could Happen to Schenectady

Better and more business . . . losers from NYC would stop relocating there . . . a downtown . . . make an Olympic bid for 2016 . . . more strip clubs . . . Mohawk River swallows it and it becomes like the lost city Atlantis . . . full churches

Best Thing That Could Happen to Saratoga Springs

No more high-name stores . . . more winter/business activity . . . keep NJ & New Yorkers out . . . summer all year long . . . a real music venue . . . ban the stupid tourists . . . more parking . . . people who live there stop being snotty . . . a real casino . . . lower SPAC ticket prices . . . new performers at SPAC instead of has-beens . . . Michael Moore investigates NYSRA . . . full churches . . . all-ages music shows

Best Thing That Could Happen to the ’Burbs

No Wal-Mart . . . better public transportation . . . tear down/plant crops . . . no more development . . . add a Sonic Drive-Thru . . . no more people from the city . . . bike routes and pedestrian crossings on Central Avenue . . . ration gas and Botox . . . full churches . . . higher gas prices

Best Evidence Region Is Looking Up

Improvements at the Palace and Proctor’s . . . damn housing prices . . . wireless in Schenectady . . . traffic . . . comprehensive town planning . . . Madison Theater re-opened . . . Tech Valley . . . Proctor’s renovation . . . Herb Chesbrough is gone!

Best Evidence We’re Going to Hell in a Handbasket

David Scaringe . . . we elected Bush for President . . . Troy can’t find a superintendent . . . traffic . . . bitter questions like this . . . Guardian Angels arrival . . . Arbor Hill . . . cops who shot David Scaringe got off with nothing . . . Alice Green running for mayor . . . bald heads, goatees and tattoos . . . our mayor looks like he’s in the mafia

Best Local Celebrity With Whom You’d Like to Have a One-Night Stand

Ann Hughes . . . Liz Bishop . . . Emily Riemer . . . Alan Bennett . . . John Gray . . . Mike Augustyniak . . . Erin Harkes . . . Bridget Blythe . . . guitar player from the Burners UK . . . Pat from WEQX . . . Benita Zahn . . . Rachael Ray . . . Rebecca Hall . . . Ward Stone . . . Jason Ledanye . . . Laura Boggs . . . Sexy Rexy [Rex Smith] . . . Bishop Hubbard . . . Lauren the Channel 9 Traffic Girl . . . Darwin . . . Mike Grosshandler . . . Donna Frank . . . Sirsy—all of them, together at the same time (call me?)

Best-Kept Secret in the Capital Region

the Pine Bush . . . Teaser—great band . . . Metroland adult section . . . Washington County . . . Holly Ann’s . . . the Egg is really a spaceship that landed here 100 years ago . . . Peebles Island . . . Moon and River Café in Schenectady . . . you can get sushi at Price Chopper . . . Joe Bruno is a robot . . . Antica Enoteca wine bar . . . Jerry Jennings is white . . . Gus’s in Watervliet . . . Miss Johnstown diner . . . Tivoli Preserve