Beg, Steal or Borrow

Think the high price of gas puts an end to the summer road trip? Think again!

Yes, this is the Capital Region’s only “alt-weekly,” and yes, we strive to be progressive, responsible citizens of the world—but for the sake of this article we are going to forget all of that. Aren’t we?

Good.

With that said, I’d like to reflect on the strategies (some clever; some dangerous or irresponsible) we devised as teens to conserve, scrimp and scrape to save gas (or earn money for gas) for those road trips we couldn’t really afford. With a little common sense, a cutthroat sensibility, and some moral flexibility, you can ride for the cheaps. You can thank me for these tips later . . . by sending me a check for half the gas money you save.

1. Coast: This was always—when speed wasn’t an issue—one of the first tools we called upon as teens to get us somewhere using as little gas as possible. To successfully coast you should accelerate toward the top of a steep hill then put the car in neutral and turn off your engine and coast until you find yourself obstructing traffic. Flipping off angry drivers behind you is optional.

2. Strand and Threaten: A good friend of mine had the tendency to have only enough gas money to pick everyone up. He would promptly run out of fuel, stranding us by the side of the road in some podunk town. He was cool as a cucumber while everyone else freaked out. It was only a matter of time before all the passengers were coughing up change for gas money, and the car miraculously had just enough gas to restart and get us to the closest filling station.

3. Stage and Trade: [Editor’s note: This is highly dangerous and unethical and illegal! Do not do this!] Some friends and I—during our more rebellious days—used to take trips to the country to go antiquing. Pretending to be a foreign exchange student from a small Eastern European country, one friend would pester the owner of a backwoods antique store in a thick semi- German accent. It would take some time, usually about 10 minutes or so, but the owner would almost always lead our “German” friend upstairs to show him their most prized possessions: KKK and/or Nazi memorabilia. Meanwhile, downstairs, the rest of the group (with myself waiting in the car as a moral objector, of course) would pocket shiny memorabilia only to hock it for cash at another shop miles down the road. My friends justified it as being Robin Hoods against racists. I did not quite follow the logic.

4. Bottle Spot: Although less effective now then in the late ’90s when gas was under $2 per gallon, collecting bottles on the way to the nearest watering hole can be a good way to earn a little gas cash while looking after Mother Nature.

5. Bag Snag: A fiancé of a Metrolander and good friend of mine was taught not to pick up bottles on the side of the street, but instead to inspect every paper bag left on the side of the road or abandoned on the sidewalk. The thinking behind this: “It could be full of money!” While the practice has never paid off for us, we still hope that one day after sticking our hands hastily into a paper bag we found on the side of the road, we will be rewarded with a stack of neatly wrapped $100 bills instead of dog feces or used condoms.

6. Impromptu Lemonade Stand: All it takes is a cooler full of ice, a bag of lemons, a jug or two of water, a pitcher and a stash of plastic cups. Sure, that doesn’t sound all that simple, but after a long ride over that melty tar-smelling highway to your favorite swimming hole, why not embrace the American entrepreneurial spirit and overcharge thirsty swimmers for cups of sugar water?

7. Impromptu Car Sale: If you are like I was in high school (oh hell, like I am right now), your car is full of neat doodads and doohickeys that are more likely to be sat on and crushed by friends than ever put to any actual use. That stupid emergency phone charger your ex-girlfriend got you for Christmas, that CD you bought because you were bored, that book you took home from the office you meant to write a review of but never did—all of these items can quickly be turned into cash by the side of the road in emergency gas situations.

If you find yourself by the side of the road this summer with an empty gas tank, and you haven’t successfully used one of these helpful tips to get you to your summer-fun destination, then may be it’s just time to sell your car.

—David King

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