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2009
Gift Guide
 Technology
Sleep.
That’s really what we all want for the holidays. Expansive,
dreamy oceans of uninterrupted, intoxicating sleep—10 hours,
12 hours, three days of sleeping in, waking up to take a nap
after breakfast. But don’t call us lazy. We’re not. We work
hard. We worry all day about our bills and our families and
our in-laws and our boss. We’re just sleepy. And while it
is impossible for technology to increase the time we get to
sleep, there are items out there that might just make our
sleep, and our mornings, a little more pleasant.
Groggy
mornings? Hard to shake that groggy feeling? Chances are that,
according to the marketing I’ve read, you are waking up during
the wrong period in your sleep cycle. Now, this is some fancy
biological science we are talking about. Sleep cycles last
about 90 minutes, going from light, nearly awake crests to
deep, heavy unconsciousness. Fancy science says that waking
up while in the lighter ends of the cycle, instead of while
in the deep period, can help provide a more refreshed, alert
waking up. To that end, the fancy scientists over at Sleeptracker
($180) have devised a wristwatch that is constantly monitoring
your movements while you are sleeping, tracking your sleep
cycle. When you are more restless, you are closer to being
awake, and that’s when the watch will begin its alarm.
Are you a noisy bed partner? Does your snoring keep your loved
one awake staring at the ceiling? Can your nose rattle wake
your neighbors? Well, then, show that you care with a SleepPhones
System ($59). It looks like your average, comfy exercise
headband, but inside this ingenious sleep aid are tiny headphones
that pipe in soothing Newport Waves from a little MP3 player.
Eight hours of preprogrammed sounds and music that utilize
the aural tranquilizer of Binaural beats “gently entrain your
brainwaves to slow down, lulling you into a deep sleep. This
is a wonderful drug-free method to induce desired brainwave
patterns.” According to Wikipedia, Binaural beats, which are
two tones that are “slightly different frequencies . . . presented
separately one to each ear,” can increase the effectiveness
of sleep and help move the listener into a more relaxed state.
If all else fails, and mornings for your loved ones (or kids)
are forever a negotiation with their half-asleep selves for
just another eight minutes, then a good alarm clock is in
order. But what makes a good alarm clock? A piercing shrill?
No. You want to give someone a heart attack? A soothing tone
that invites consciousness? Please. What the committed snoozer
needs is an alarm clock that literally forces you out of bed.
Meet Clocky, the robotic alarm clock ($49-$59). After
pushing the snooze button one too many times, this adorable
little alarm clock comes to life and plunges right off the
nightstand. Outfitted with large tires, Clocky then rolls
around the bedroom floor beeping and meeping like a panicked
C3PO until the irritated snoozer drags her tired ass outta
bed and throttles it.
Good morning.
Of course, the best part of waking up is a piping hot cup
of steaming fresh-brewed coffee. While this ain’t exactly
high-tech, if you have a coffee lover on your Christmas list
who doesn’t have a programmable coffee maker, consider this:
You could change their lives. There are ample amounts of programmable
coffee makers on the market, but if you really wanna impress,
you should go with the Capresso Coffee TEAM GS ($189).
While the price tag sets it apart as a non-Great Recession
kinda gift, the quality and, well, awesomeness makes it worth
selling your locks, or that old watch. Not only is this sleek
and sexy black and silver caffeine seductress the best-looking
kitchen appliance you’ll likely ever buy, it’s programmable
and will grind the beans while everyone is asleep. Just like
a Ray Bradbury story, without as much existential angst.
If anyone on your Christmas list is lucky enough to still
be burdened with the hectic lifestyle of the American worker,
then making their mornings a little more tolerable will be
a much-appreciated gift.
—Chet
Hardin
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