Metroland Online - Wedding Guide

Children and weddings—depending on whom you ask, it’s a match made in heaven or a disaster in the offing. That’s an argument best left to the boxing ring, but if you are inviting kids, it’s worth thinking about how to accommodate them. Making a wedding kid-friendly is rather more subtle than common suggestions like providing a kids’ menu option (in fact, how do you know a kid would prefer a hot dog to a steak?), but it also doesn’t mean you have to surrender your day to the moods of kindergarteners.

Here are few tips to make kids—and their parents—feel welcome and to help them contribute to your big day rather than detracting from it.

1. Offer child care—but make it optional. One of the major reasons the debate about children at weddings is eternal is that kids (and parents) are (news flash!) different. Some kids will be excited to see the ceremony, sit quietly watching or nursing or coloring, and generally be a better guest than your half-deaf uncle who provides audible running commentary about your weird religion from the fourth row. On the other hand, some will be miserable, cranky, and noisy. By offering the option of child care, you can give some parents the precious ability to be present at your ceremony without distractions and without making others feel like they have to say no to their kid who’s all excited to see the pageantry or blow bubbles at you as you leave.

2. Give the kids roles—but nothing too crucial. Kids loooove to help. Older kids can make great ushers, custodians of guest books, etc. And everyone swoons when the little kids scatter rose petals or carry a ring on a pillow. But check first with parents of younger kids to see if your idea is reasonable, and don’t assign a young kid to anything that you will go to pieces over if it isn’t done just so.

3. Reduce the odds of disruption, strategically. Seat parents of the under-5 crowd together and on the edge of the reception hall, near the exit. (This isn’t rude. No parent loves walking the gauntlet with a meltdown in progress.) Identify a spot in your ceremony location where parents can pace with a baby and still hear/see. Set out coloring books and crayons along with the programs. If the ceremony is long, consider putting something in the middle, like a song, where families can sneak out without being too noticeable. If you want a parent or kid to play a central role in your day, talk to the parents beforehand about scheduling around nap times.

Avoid having too many breakable/unstable decorations in kids’ reach: No, it’s not your responsibility to childproof everything, but kids (and parents) are happier if everyone around them doesn’t cringe with worry every time they move.

4. Provide child-friendly diversions, possibly in their own space. Face it: Weddings, when you factor in the reception, are long. Even the best-behaved child needs time to let off a little steam. Luckily, this doesn’t require you to hold your wedding in a kiddie fun park. If you’re renting a house of worship, talk about having access to the nursery or rec room and/or the outdoor play area. If you’re doing a weekend wedding, look for resorts or camps that have a playground (though copious outdoors is generally enough). Hotels are more tricky, but many larger ones will have something available if you ask. If not, you can rent an extra conference room for child care and stock it with toys old, new, borrowed and blue. Or just take my cousin’s approach, and put board games out at the reception itself.

5. Accommodate the stuff. For weekend-long weddings especially, but even for the shorter kind, parents tend to pack for weddings as for a vacation. Far from fitting everything they need into a clutch purse and a tuxedo pocket, they arrive laden with diaper bags, sippy cups, tote bags of favorite stories and stuffed animals, and insulated lunch bags filled with bottles/allergen-free foods/the only three foods the 2-year-old will eat. An easily accessible coat rack, coat check, or other corner where it’s acceptable for them to lay down their load is a huge relief. Bonus: For weekends, especially, see if you can arrange refrigerator access.

6. Keep bedtime in mind. No, no, no. I don’t mean you can’t party nice and late. But remember: If you are having an evening wedding and guests are relying on you for dinner afterward, allowing serving time to creep to 9 PM and later means many families are going to have to choose between overtired tantrums (not something you want either) or not getting to eat. Or at least not getting to eat cake. And it sucks to miss the cake, you know?

Wedding planning is a balancing act worthy of the Karamazov brothers. But including your younger guests—and their parents—in your plans will earn you gratitude from your friends and family, and probably make for a more pleasant day for you as well.

>> Back to Wedding Guide

	Send A Letter to Our Editor
	Back Home