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I’m
hoping you can help me. My boyfriend wants nothing more than
to have me pee on him. I really want to do this for him but
my body will not cooperate. I’m usually able to pee whether
I feel the need to go or not, such as when the doctor needs
a sample, so this is very frustrating. I’ve tried the obvious,
like drinking tons of water, but it didn’t help. I’ve tried
sitting on the toilet until I start to urinate, then stopping
and running back to squat over him, but that didn’t work either.
I want to do this for him so badly! Please help, I’d do anything
for this guy!
—Peeing
is So Sensual
You’ll
do anything for this guy? Does anything include blowing $350
on a large, incriminating, hard-to-conceal sex toy? This is
not a sex toy for the easily mortified, PISS. If your mother
finds this toy in your closet, well, let’s just say you’ll
have a hard time convincing her that you’re not taking craps
on your boyfriend. Can you handle that?
The sex toy in question is called a Joy Rider, and it’s basically
a toilet seat on springs. It’s a little hard to describe,
so I’m going to send you to the Mr. S Web site (www.mr-s-leather-fetters.com),
where you can find the Joy Rider under “miscellaneous.” (There’s
also a few pictures of a good-looking guy sitting on another
good-looking guy’s face; don’t say you weren’t warned, straight
folks.) While the Joy Rider is usually used, as one Web site
puts it, “to facilitate oral sex, rimming, and penetration
from unique angles,” in your case it might help facilitate
pissing all over your boyfriend.
Here’s how: You’ve been peeing in one basic position since
you were about 3 years old, and you were taught to regard
your urine as filthy; it’s waste, and we don’t dump waste
on our loved ones, now do we? So when you’re trying to let
go as you squat over your boyfriend you’re not only faced
with peeing in an awkward position—itself a challenge—but
you’re also violating the ol’ don’t-piss-on-your-loved-ones
taboo. Buying a Joy Rider, PISS, will allow you to sit your
very fine ass down on one very bouncy toilet seat, close your
eyes and imagine that you aren’t about to pee all over the
man you love—who just so happens to be underneath your very
fine ass—but that you’re sitting on a toilet somewhere, doing
your business where your business is supposed to be done.
This, I suspect, will do the trick and you’ll finally piss
all over your boyfriend. And, hey, once you’re done peeing
on him, you can use your Joy Rider to bounce up and down on
your boyfriend’s dick and face, as God Himself intended you
to bounce.
Two final thoughts: The Joy Rider breaks down for easy storage,
PISS, but it still looks like a toilet seat on springs even
when it’s taken apart. Keep it well hidden if you don’t have
a sense of humor about people thinking you’re into scat. And
finally, after slogging through my daily dose of e-mail from
folks whose husbands, wives, boyfriends, and girlfriends couldn’t
care less about meeting their sexual needs, I must say I was
delighted to get your letter. The lengths you’re willing to
go to give your boyfriend what he wants is truly inspiring,
and you set a good example today for all my readers. God bless
you, PISS.
I’m
a young lesbian with the ability to ejaculate. I have no complaints,
but I’m hoping that you can give me some insight into how
to handle the amount of liquid that results. The problem is
that after we get it on, our bed is terribly soggy when it’s
time to go to sleep. We usually use towels, but they get soaked.
Changing the sheets doesn’t help because it is soaked through
to the mattress. I have tried to do some Internet searches,
but I only get sent to XXX sites or “women’s health networks”
that question the existence of women who can ejaculate. If
you know of any special products or Web pages, Dan, my soggy
butt cheeks would appreciate it.
—Water
Works
You
have two options, WW, both of ’em so obvious that I doubt
you’ve given your “problem” much thought. First, there’s rubber
sheets. Sold by reputable fetish shops everywhere, rubber
sheets protect the mattresses of wet-and-messy players. Since
I was already in the Mr. S Web site, I checked out their rubber
sheets; like everything else at Mr. S, the sheets are heavy-duty.
A queen-sized, extra-thick rubber sheet, reinforced with nylon,
will set you back about $200. Option two: If rubber sheets
aren’t your style, WW, maybe you shouldn’t be having sex in
bed. Have sex in the tub, super soaker or on the kitchen floor.
If you want something soft under your ass, plenty of gymnastics
equipment suppliers sell folding tumbling mats. You can ejaculate
your guts out on a waterproof mat, then fold it up and slide
it under the bed.
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I’m
going NUTS, Dan, all alone, masturbating to half-assed medical
fetish Web sites! WHERE or HOW can I find medical-gyno fetish
clubs and/or people to do to me the stuff I see at www.wewillmakeyoucum.com/drkink
? Even if I purchase a membership to www.wewill makeyoucum.com/drkink
(which sucks, by the way), that still doesn’t tell me how
I can get into this subculture! I swear, if I can’t get on
an exam table, spread my legs, put my feet into the stirrups,
and get some hot doctor putting a syringe or a speculum or
something in my cunt soon, I’m going to go to crazy!
—Sopping
Pussy Really Enjoys Arousing Doctor Sex
Sebastian
and Laural are a very nice couple who share your very kinky
passion, SPREADS. They also run medicaltoys.com, a terrific
Internet shop that’s been selling medical fetish supplies
since 1998.
“Safe,
sane and consensual has to be the starting point,” Sebastian
told me. “Medical implements, insertables, can hurt you if
they’re used incorrectly. Anal and vaginal cavities are very
delicate, they can be torn or ripped. You don’t want to do
this stuff with some guy who’s as inexperienced as you are.
And, for safety’s sake, you don’t want to do this with the
first guy who offers to ram a speculum into you. She needs
to do this with someone she gets to know and she trusts. The
last thing she wants is to wind up in a real emergency room
having to explain how this happened.”
Sebastian’s right, SPREADS. Be very careful who you let ram
a speculum into you. I always am. But WHERE and HOW do you
meet trustworthy speculum rammers?
“Try
your local BDSM club,” suggested Sebastian. You can spot the
medical fetishists at BDSM events because—duh—they’ll be dressed
up like doctors and nurses. If you don’t see any fetish docs
at your BDSM club, “ask the regulars if anyone into medical
fetish is involved in your local BDSM scene,” said Sebastian.
And if there’s no BDSM club in your area, you can always go
online to meet people. Sebastian and Laural run several e-groups
through medicaltoys.com, groups which you can access by visiting
their site.
“She
can start posting messages and go from there,” Laural said.
“One of the clubs has 3000 members, another has 5000. They’re
a really good venue to meet people, and some of the members
are real doctors. But you do have to use your common sense.”
mail@savagelove.net
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