stepdad is gay. He fell in love with and married my mom anyway,
and they appear to have a strong relationship despite his
sexual preference—they love each other, had a baby together,
and seem to be committed. A few days ago I found a search
for “men seeking men” on his computer. I brought up the subject
of their relationship with my mom without telling her what
I found, and she said that they’re currently monogamous. I
don’t think she would lie to me about this. Should I tell
my mom, confront my stepdad, or just keep my mouth shut?
Needs Assistance For Understanding
this sex advice columnist. He’s gay, like your stepdad, but
he fell in love with another guy, and they appear to have
a strong relationship—they love each other, had a baby together,
and seem to be committed. So why does this sex advice columnist
occasionally check out “men seeking men” ads on the Internet?
Because even though he has no plans to fuck other men, SNAFU,
he nevertheless enjoys checking other men out—on the street,
on airplanes, at book signings, and on personals Web sites.
But why would he check out “men seeking men” ads when he isn’t
seeking someone? Why not look at porn? Because sometimes it’s
more fun to check out real people who wanna be fucked than
it is to check out fake people who are just pretending they
wanna be fucked.
So, SNAFU, finding a search for “men seeking men” on your
stepdad’s computer tells us nothing about his intentions.
And faithful or not, monogamous or not, seeking or not, it’s
none of your fucking business, is it?
I’m a youngish guy having NSA sex with a friend. Neither
of us is in a relationship, we’re both really horny, and one
night we jumped each other. We’re established fuck buddies
now. We’re honest, we’ve talked about how this is just sex,
etc., and we’re keeping it a secret. (We have the same friends,
and one of them got mad when he found out.) But I’m not really
satisfied. Even though the sex is spectacular when it’s happening,
I feel unfulfilled afterward. My ideal relationship would
be concentrating on a single guy and fucking him silly. What’s
wrong with me? Is a fuck-buddy thing unhealthy?
Another Lusty Fucking Lad Address Internal Difficulties
buddies, friends with benefits, NSA—generally speaking, HALFLAID,
those sorts of arrangements can be healthy. But we’re
not speaking generally, are we? We’re speaking of you and
your specific situation. While NSA sex is taking care of your
horny problem, the secrecy makes you uncomfortable (where
do your friends get off being pissed?), and the sex leaves
you feeling unfulfilled. Something’s missing—and you obviously
know that, HALFLAID, which is why you created that sign-off.
I wouldn’t describe that missing something as an emotional
connection. After all, a person can have an emotional connection
with a fuck buddy. No, what’s missing is a sense of possibility,
a sense that the sex could lead to something more lasting
and more intimate. As you can’t seem to feel good about the
sex absent these things, I would describe NSA sex as unhealthy,
from an emotional standpoint, for you. So knock it
Your column sometimes refers to she-males or chicks with
dicks, but I never see anything about my thing: guys with
pies. While I identify as a gay man, my ultimate fantasy is
a hypermasculine man with a vagina instead of a penis. I’ve
searched the Web to tap into a community of like-minded men
or FTMs with the goods (or lack of goods). Not much luck.
Most references to men with vaginas link back to feminist
theory, not mangina. I did have some experience with real
vaginas in my younger days and, while I was not attracted
to the girls, I did love the pussy. I have attempted to cut
a deal with a few pre-op and hormone-using FTM transsexuals—they
feel they are men with vaginas—but they hate their vaginas
and are mostly interested in women. Where can I find real
manly men who love their vaginas?
get at least one sad letter a month from gay-identified, pre-op
FTMs who complain that they can’t find any gay men—excuse
me, any other gay guys—who can get past the man-with-a-vagina
thing. So it strikes me as odd that none of the GWPs that
you approached were: 1. gay-identified men, and 2. interested
in you. So I’m putting your letter out there in hopes that
some gay-identified FTMs will respond. What’s up, guys with
pies? Why isn’t TIF having any luck?
STRAIGHT RIGHTS UPDATE: As I mentioned a few months ago, a
vaccine for two of the most common strains of HPV, the virus
that causes genital warts, is currently moving through the
federal approval process. HPV can also cause cervical cancer
in women, and the cancers caused by the virus kill 4,000 American
women every year. Who could possibly be against the introduction
of a vaccine—one that has proven 100 percent effective in
clinical tests!—that will save thousands of women’s lives
every year? Those “culture of life” assfucks, that’s who.
new vaccine that protects against cervical cancer has set
up a clash between health advocates [and] social conservatives
who say immunizing teenagers could encourage sexual activity,”
the Washington Post reported last week. Doctors want
teenage girls to receive the vaccine as a matter of routine
when they hit puberty, something the religious right opposes.
“Because the vaccine protects against a sexually transmitted
virus, many conservatives oppose making it mandatory, citing
fears that it could send a subtle message condoning sexual
activity before marriage . . . ‘I’ve talked to some who have
said, “This is going to sabotage our abstinence message,”’
said Gene Rudd, associate executive director of the Christian
Medical and Dental Associations.” (To his credit, Rudd said
he would want his daughters vaccinated.)
The right’s abstinence message has bigger problems than this
vaccine. Studies have shown that young men and women are still
having premarital sex—no shit—despite the billions of dollars
the Bush administration has poured into abstinence education.
A study conducted at Texas A&M University found that kids
who’ve been subjected to abstinence-only sex education, the
right’s preferred brand, have more sex than kids who
aren’t subjected to abstinence-only sex education. So what
the right is saying is this: We’re willing to kill American
women in order to avoid “sabotaging” our ineffectual abstinence-only
Who ultimately gets to determine the government’s position
on the HPV vaccine? Thanks to George W. Bush, the Christian
fundies do. From the Washington Post: “The jockeying
[around the HPV vaccine] reflects the growing influence social
conservatives, who had long felt overlooked by Washington,
have gained on a broad spectrum of policy issues under the
Bush administration. In this case, a former member of the
conservative group Focus on the Family serves on the federal
panel that is playing a pivotal role in deciding how the vaccine
is used.” W stands for women—that’s what he told us when he
ran for president. But, hey, it wasn’t a lie. George W. Bush
never said anything about standing for live women.
I’ve said it before, straight folks, and I’ll say it again:
The right-wingers and the fundies and the sex-phobes don’t
just have it in for the queers. They’re coming for your asses