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To
make a long and stupid story short, I met a guy on Craigslist
who said all the right things. We had plans to meet a few
times (once I bought a train ticket to visit him; another
time I prepared an expensive meal), but he always canceled
at the last minute. He had an excuse—an anxiety problem. After
a few months, I called him on it. He admitted that he enjoyed
the thrill of toying with people and was only interested in
the chase.
Fast-forward to a few months later: I find out that he has
been doing this to several people, working as a team with
two friends. They trade notes on the people they mess with.
There’s no financial gain for him, and no sexual one either,
because he never meets or screws any of the girls he manipulates.
He calls it “Internet terrorism.” It’s about power.
Should I launch my own campaign against him? I’ve already
reached out to a few girls who have been glad to hear the
real story. Part of me wants revenge, but another part of
me just wants to wash my hands of the whole situation. Also,
I am worried that the embarrassing photos I sent him will
end up on some Web site somewhere. He told some people he
wants to start a Web site exposing his “triumphs.”
—Truth
And Consequences
The
only way to protect yourself from liars and flakes and Nigerian
scam artists trolling Web sites like Craigslist, TAC, is to
insist on meeting in person, right away, and to brook no excuses—particularly
idiotic ones like “anxiety.” Anyone who talks a good game
in a chatroom or via e-mail but can’t, for whatever reason,
meet in person is either married or not who or where or what
he claims to be. The number of straight men alone pretending
to be teenage lesbians online exceeds the actual number of
teenage lesbians by a factor of 100.
You know all of this now, TAC, thanks to this Internet terrorist
and his asshole buddies. And what should you do about it?
Out him, of course. Put up a Web site of your own, call him
on his bullshit, alert other women to his game, and flag his
ass down whenever you spot him on Craigslist. Will this result
in your photos winding up on Web sites? Yes, it will. But
your photos are going to wind up on Web sites anyway, TAC,
so you might as well take your revenge.
And, hey, you might want to consider getting out in front
of the scandal. If the photos are coming out anyway, any halfway
decent crisis management expert would advise you to post them
on your own damn Web site first—along with that long, brutal
takedown you’re going to write about this “Internet terrorist”
and his fuckwitted friends.
My boyfriend and I had three great weeks before he got deployed
to Afghanistan. (He’s a soldier, we’re Brits, the deployment
is for six months, and it’s his last before he leaves the
forces.) I’m guessing that a couple separated for that long
so early in a relationship doesn’t have the best chances,
but I want to give it a go. I’m getting letters, e-mails,
phone calls—but he gets 30 minutes of e-mail time a week and
20 minutes of phone calls, and he’s got brothers and a mother
to talk to as well . . .
I don’t want to sleep with anyone else. This question
is not about sex. I’m lonely as all hell. Any advice?
—Alone
For Now
Masturbate.
Hang out with friends. Repeat.
I’m a gay boy who’s always been versatile, on top and
on the bottom, switching things up. My current boyfriend and
I are very much in love and I’m happy. Except for one thing:
In the six months that we’ve been together I’m always the
bottom. When I get the urge to top him he shies away and changes
the subject. Here’s what frustrates me: He had a very promiscuous
past and had many sexual partners, and I know for a fact that
he bottomed on a number of occasions. So why is it that when
his boyfriend proposes the idea of switching things up he
shies away? I don’t want to make him feel pressured into doing
this, but I think he’s being silly. After all, he’s done it
before with almost complete strangers.
—Versatile
Boy Always Bottoming
Maybe
your boyfriend came down with a bad case of anal warts during
that promiscuous phase and he’s not letting you fuck him to
protect you. Or maybe your boyfriend only enjoys bottoming
when he’s fucked up on drugs, and he’s not using anymore.
Or maybe your dick is so big, so absolutely ginormous, so
ass-splittingly huge that you’ve scared his gay slut butt
shut.
I can only speculate, VBAB. The only way to find out what’s
really going on is to promise not to dump your boyfriend if
he tells you the truth.
My husband and I run a club in Aloha, Ore., that is
much like a swingers club. We call ourselves “neosexuals,”
and the difference is that soft swap, full swap, no swap,
and anything in between is acceptable behavior in our group.
We only demand consent, honesty, good communication skills—and
safe practice. We are a very popular group, as there are many
more couples looking for light flirty fun than there are couples
looking for hardcore swinging action. Check us out at www.venus
rendezvous.com.
—Gabrielle
& Chris
Thanks
for sharing, G&C.
The letter from FOG, the woman who dumped her boyfriend
over his foot fetish, struck a chord in me. My boyfriend is
a foot “enthusiast” himself. When we first started dating,
I was kind of confused because I’d take off my shoes after
work and he’d say something like, “OK, fine! I’ll rub your
feet for you if you really want!” I figured things out pretty
quickly. He was a bit defensive about the term “fetishist”
because as he saw it he didn’t need my feet to get off, even
if he did get off on them. I didn’t care; I’ve always been
a GGG kind of girl. Now I can’t imagine life without him worshipping
my feet. We’re getting married this summer.
Don’t you just love a happy ending? And a foot massage?
—Tremendously
Obviously Ecstatic
I
love a happy ending, TOE, and we don’t get nearly enough of
them around here. And that’s a problem. People only write
to me when they’re unhappy, of course, and this may lead vanilla
types to conclude that taking a chance on a kinky motherfucker
isn’t worth the trouble, and vice versa. So I’m putting a
call out for letters from vanilla types who took a chance
on a kinky motherfucker or kinky motherfuckers who took a
chance on a vanilla type—or anyone who took a chance on Craigslist
or an anonymous piece of ass—and wound up meeting the man,
woman, adult baby, piss freak, or foot enthusiast they took
home to meet mom and dad.
Send in your stories and I’ll dedicate a column to happy endings
around Valentine’s Day.
mail@savagelove.net
A new Savage Love podcast is available for download every
Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
mail@savagelove.net
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