sorry about sending this letter to you via snail mail. I don·t
want to send an e-mail because I·d rather not have
a record of this living forever on some server somewhere.
six months ago, after watching my girlfriend insert a tampon,
I asked if I could do it for her next time. She thought it
was an odd request but agreed. After ·helping·
a few times, the conversation turned to what it felt like
to wear one. Her response was, ·Want to try one yourself?·
With her help·and a little lube·soon there was
a string hanging out of my butt. This has now become a regular
feature of our sex life. And if this is not strange enough,
I have now started doing this when I masturbate alone. I actually
went out and got my own box of tampons·Tampax Pearl
Plastic Regular are the best (they·re the easiest to
insert)·which I keep hidden.
have a few questions:
Why do I get such a euphoric feeling when I pull the tampon
out when I·m coming? Does it have something to do with
Am I doing any damage to myself?
Just how deviant is this practice?
Do you think I could sell the idea to Tampax as a whole new
Ass Man·s Peculiar Anal Xccentricity
The tampon in your ass swells as it absorbs lube and rectal
mucus and whatever else, TAMPAX, and stimulates·yes
indeed·your prostate as it swells. Yanking the tampon
out when you·re coming further stimulates your prostate
at the exact moment it·s being zapped by orgasmic contractions·contractions
that involve your anal sphincter, which you·re also
stimulating as you yank. A butt plug would provide you with
the exact same sensations·well, the exact same physical
sensations. Part of the tampon-related thrill for you, I suspect,
is the gender-transgression aspect of this. You·re
not just penetrating yourself, TAMPAX, you·re penetrating
yourself with an absorbent feminine talisman. Not all men
who enjoy anal penetration are interested in being symbolically
feminized·ahem·but clearly you are, TAMPAX.
My hunch: As long as you·re using lube and not leaving
·em in for days at a time, you should be fine. And
a medical expert I consulted·who wished to remain anonymous
(he didn·t want his name linked forever to anal tampon
play on some server somewhere, either)·backed me up.
·This would pose zero risk,· says my medical
expert. ·Medically, there·s nothing else to
say about it.·
3. When it comes to human sexuality, TAMPAX, deviation from
imaginary and tyrannical ·norms· is the
Seeing as condom manufacturers still refuse to market their
products for anal sex·or directly to gay men·the
odds that Tampax will move aggressively into the straight-dudes-with-strings-hanging-out-of-their-butts
market seems pretty slim.
had a conversation over lunch with a gay friend who is into
BDSM as a dominant. He told me he·s ·coaching·
a novice dom, a young straight fellow who doesn·t have
much experience but who is into very heavy bondage and ·some
stuff that is potentially dangerous.· My friend warned
him away from the dangerous stuff and is coaching him on safer
and saner pursuits. The interesting thing, however, is that,
whatever they do, they must both be fully clothed at all times.
The reason? The young fellow is LDS, i.e., Mormon. For most
people, BDSM is inescapably tied up (no pun intended) with
sexuality, but leave it to a Mormon to attempt to de-eroticize
on the other hand (also no pun intended), is a serious plague
destroying the moral fiber of this country. But not to worry:
Deseret Book, the Mormon Church·s publishing arm, has
developed the ·Clean & Safe Media Pledge.·
You·re supposed to download it, print it out, sign
it, and put it near your computer. Then you don·t have
to worry about porn ever again!
a lot of cross-orientation play in the BDSM scene these days,
LDT, which has become less sexually segregated with every
passing year. Skills are skills: An inexperienced straight
bondage top can learn a lot from a gay bondage expert. The
experience may be less erotic, or less intense, than being
tied up by someone you·re physically and emotionally
attracted to, of course, but it is still erotic·street
clothes and/or magic underpants notwithstanding.
the Mormon Church·s ·Clean & Safe Media
Pledge,· LDT, that seems to work about as well as those
purity pledges taken by countless unwed teen moms. Utah has
the highest per capita online-porn consumption rates in the
recently had a delightful evening out on the town with a friend
of mine. Things got a little out of hand and both of us drank
a small amount of a female bartender·s urine. I would
say it was about one ounce each. We were pretty drunk, and
I·m not quite sure what led up to it. I think I was
trying to prove something. I think we were trying to show
how ·badass· we were. It sounds really goddamn
stupid when I type it out. The urine was clear and it had
little taste, but now I am concerned about the health risks.
What sort of diseases could I contract? I just really don·t
want to get hepatitis or something.
About Server·s Piss
scratch ·drink a random bartender·s piss·
off your bucket list, WASP, but everyone else out there reading
has to add it to theirs.
urine presents no risk of HIV infection and low to no risk
for just about everything save cooties. Hepatitis is blood-borne,
and if there wasn·t any blood in your bartender·s
urine·and if you didn·t have any cuts or open
sores in your mouth·then you probably don·t
have anything to worry about.
know what? You·re going to worry regardless, WASP,
until you know for sure that you didn·t catch anything.
So go see a doctor and get your bad ass tested.
maple-syrup fetishist from last week·the guy who had
to smell maple syrup to get off·should find someone
who is working on her milk supply or really likes fenugreek.
While I was trying to nurse my son, I took fenugreek·an
herb that helps with milk production·and, by God, I
smelled like a Waffle House in all the important places. Sadly,
my husband did not share ORGASM·s kink and was actually
a little bit alarmed at my eau-de-pancakes aroma.
Hot Odorous Pussy
for the tip, IHOP. And you weren·t the only reader
with a tip for someone whose letter ran in last week·s
Slave Food·s mistress wanted to deny him the pleasures
of food, and he was looking for a ·slop· that
was ·highly nutritious but as bland-tasting as possible.·
I urged him to patronize vegan restaurants where he lives·much
to the consternation of the vegans. (Apparently, vegans are
prejudiced against BDSMers and don·t want to dine with
them·who knew?) But readers suggested that SSF try
Nutraloaf, ·a food served in United States prisons
to inmates who have demonstrated significant behavioral issues,·
according to its Wiki page. And my readers had lots of suggestions
for the man who wanted to find straight porn for his iPhone:
mobile boner.com, pornhub.com, tube8.com, thehun.com, americansfortruth.com,
Love: It·s about people helping people . . . smell
like maple syrup, avoid vegan restaurants, and porn out their
the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.