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As
my most trusted source of sex advice, can you recommend a
good sex shop in NYC? I’d prefer not to go the weird-ass porno
shops as they’re frequented by skuzzy old men. As strange
as it may sound, I need a “respectable” establishment as I’ll
be taking my Iowa girlfriend with me. I recall a column from
a couple of months ago and you recommended two. The only one
I remember was Good Vibrations, but as it turns out, that’s
the one in San Francisco. Is there a store you recommend in
NYC? And if you absolutely need to have some sort of freaky
question, what’s the best way to bring up the desire to be
plugged in the ass by a girl with a dildo? I forget the name
that your readers came up with for this activity, but I’d
like to bring this up to my girl.
—Need
Sex Shop Info and a Dildo up My Ass
Savage Love readers voted overwhelmingly in favor of “pegging”
as the term for a woman fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on
dildo. (Examples of proper usage: “She likes to peg guys.”
“So my girlfriend was pegging my brains out when suddenly
my mom walked in!” “My boyfriend is such a sex pig. I totally
pegged the shit out of him last night.”)
As for the sex-toy store I recommend in New York City, that
would be Toys in Babeland, which just so happens to be the
sex-toy store in New York City that buys all those half-page
ads next to my column in The Village Voice.
Lest I be accused of taking payola from the women who own
Toys in Babeland, let me state for the record that I was recommending
their stores in Seattle and New York for a lot longer than
they’ve been advertising in the Voice. So I say this
with a clear conscience: For all your sex toy and pegging
needs, visit Toys in Babeland, 94 Rivington St., between Orchard
and Ludlow, in Manhattan, or shop online at www.babeland.com.
Be sure and tell ‘em Dan Savage sent ya (that way I get my
10 percent).
“He
seems confident that his sweetie will receive the news well
that your asshole is hungry for her love, so you are miles
ahead of a lot of hungry-assed guys who fear rejection,” said
Claire, co-owner of Toys in Babeland—and Claire should know.
In the 10 years she’s been selling dildos, the lesboliscious
Claire has helped get more dildos into more straight men’s
asses than she cares to think about. To break the pegging
ice, Claire suggested that you buy your girlfriend a copy
of Bend Over Boyfriend 2, a how-to video for women
who want to fuck their boyfriends in their boyish butts. Bend
Over Boyfriend 2 sells for $34.95 at Toys in Babeland,
and 10 percent of $34.95 is $3.50, but that doesn’t have anything
to do with why I’m also recommending that you buy the video.
(I can be bought, but not for three-and-a-half bucks.)
No, I’m recommending it because it’s a great educational video,
the Nightline of how-to-fuck-your-boyfriend’s-ass videos.
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Are
there sex toys that a virgin can use? I will appreciate any
help you can provide.
—Saving
Myself
P.S. I am female.
Claire
told me she could recommend about 600 vibrators that are designed
for use on the clitoris, not for penetration. (I urge you
to buy all 600, as that would set me up for life!) Clit-stim
vibrators would leave your hymen and—theoretically at least—your
virginity in tact. But what Claire really wanted to do was
crawl up on her soapbox and rant for a few minutes about the
whole concept of virginity.
“Virginity
is not real,” Claire believes. “Let’s take a moment to try
to pin it down: Is virginity the state of not yet having been
penetrated by a man? In that case, the most sexually experienced
‘thoroughbred’ lesbian (i.e. never been touched by a man)
is a virgin. Is ‘virginity’ a state before sexual engagement
or satisfaction? Then no vibrator on the market will do its
job and preserve a woman’s virginity. Is it an intact hymen?
Then you could take your virginity with your own hand. Some
women are born without hymens; were they never virgins?”
Claire not only believes that virginity isn’t real, but she
thinks the very idea of “virginity” oppresses women. “The
concept of virginity does not belong in these brighter times,”
Claire said, apparently unaware that there’s a Bush in the
White House again. “Now women can find self-esteem and confidence
through sexual expression, be it masturbation or sleeping
with whomever we want, however we want to.”
Personally, I think Claire is full of it. I mean, I don’t
think virginity is or isn’t being penetrated or getting off
with someone else. I think being a “virgin” is subjective
and personal, but I do think it’s real. Virginity is like
pornography: we know it when we see it (or we know it when
we are it). And if we can’t use the word “virginity” anymore,
what word do we use to describe someone who hasn’t had sex
yet, whatever that person thinks sex is? “We all get excited
and exhilarated before the first time we have a sexual experience
with another person,” concluded Claire. “That’s sweet and
I wouldn’t want to take that away from anyone. But there should
be a different term for that.”
Any suggestions, people?
I
am a 22-year-old straight male involved in a year-long relationship.
My girlfriend and I have always had a very active and satisfying
sex life, and we try our best to think up new and fun things
to do. After dabbling in handcuffs and anal beads we’ve decided
to take it to the next level: a strap-on dildo. What should
we look for when buying a harness? I would think finding one
that fits properly and holds the dildo firmly is of paramount
concern. Also, we would definitely want a double sided dildo
so that she can be penetrated at the same time. Since I am
wholly unfamiliar with anal sex, what sized dildo should we
get for me?
—Fill
Me Up
Back
to buttfucking straight boys—and thank God. I mean, it’s so
much nicer to talk with Claire about something we both agree
on.
“He’s
right about the harness—make sure it’s snug and the dildo
is held firmly in place and it’s securely attached to his
girlfriend’s body,” said Claire. “The easiest way to get both
of you filled up is to buy two dildos, and that way each of
you can pick the size you want inside you.” Your girlfriend’s
harness can be modified to hold two dildos simultaneously,
one on “her” side of the harness and the other on “your” side.
Or for really mind-blowing double penetration, Claire recommends
the Nexus ($86). “It’s a double-dildo design marvel that works
splendidly in a harness,” she said. “The Nexus is one solid
hunk of silicone so with one end in her and the other in you,
you get a real sense of connection. Touch a vibrator to that
thing and you’ll each know in a hurry that it’s inside both
of you.”
Confidential
to Erica: I can’t imagine you meet many white boys with big
lips working at a law firm, but if you’re having trouble choosing
between the white boys you’re dating, and you’re into big
lips, by all means go with the one with the biggest lips.
You’re not being shallow, you’re being true to yourself.
mail@savagelove.net
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