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Why
are you so reluctant to let anyone be bi? You have all these
people writing to you saying they’re straight but like members
of their own sex, but you never say, “Hey, maybe you’re bi.”
You’re awfully quick to either affirm their self-image as
gay or straight (Wannabe Cocksucker in last week’s column)
or contradict them (Mostly Straight Boy in the same column).
Why not suggest a middle ground? Why perpetuate the myth that
bisexuals do not really exist?
—Jim
in Memphis
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I’m
all for identifying people as bisexual if that sexual identity
works for them. The problem with the bisexual identity, JIM,
is that it doesn’t work very well for very many people. I’ll
take this slow so JIM can follow along: Sexual orientation
may not be a choice, but sexual identity is. The more closely
a person’s professed sexual identity reflects his behavior,
and the more closely his behavior reflects his desires, the
less fucked up and conflicted a person he’s likely to be.
So if a guy is attracted to men and women equally, and he
sleeps with both men and women, and he falls in love with
men and women, he should identify himself as bisexual, since
the bisexual label most accurately describes who he is and
what his partners can expect from him. If a guy’s sexual and
emotional desires are overwhelmingly hetero, on the other
hand, but he likes to suck cock once in a great while, then
identifying him as bisexual is rather misleading. A guy who
is exclusively into women emotionally and 95 percent into
women sexually probably shouldn’t tell anyone he’s bi. Better
he should round himself up to 100 percent hetero in casual
conversations and tell people he’s straight—not because it’s
convenient or safer in the closet or because Dan Savage doesn’t
think bisexuals exist. (Believe me, they do, and I’m going
to hear from them this week.) No, he should tell people he’s
straight because straight most accurately describes who he
is. See how that works?
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Your
most recent column is the first I’ve heard about straight
guys wanting to get blowjobs from other guys. As a straight
man, I can’t say that I’ve ever fantasized about getting my
cock sucked by another guy. I have to question if there are
really as many gay-curious straight men as you suggest. I
don’t doubt that you get a lot of mail from straight guys
curious about a homosexual encounter. But I think your sample
may be a little skewed. Speaking as a straight male, I don’t
want a guy to suck my cock and it strikes me as odd that I’d
be in the minority with my “no man-on-man cocksucking, please”
stance as a straight man. Anyway, love the column.
—Insert
Clever Descriptive Pseudonym Here
Ahem.
The straight guys whose letters you object to, ICDPH, weren’t
looking for some guy to suck their cocks. Quite to
the contrary: They wanted to suck cock themselves. Most straight
men who wanna have a homosexual experience wanna suck dick
and get fucked, probably because those acts violate every
straight man’s it’s-an-exit-not-an-entry, silly-faggot-dicks-are-for-chicks,
no-way-dude taboos—and violating taboos, as any Catholic priest
can tell you, is hot, hot, hot.
As for your other concerns, WBCS and other straight-identified
guys who fantasize about sucking cock represent a small minority
of straight men, and nothing I’ve ever written could be interpreted
as implying otherwise. I do get a lot of mail from straight
guys who wanna suck cock, as I said in my column, but I recognize
that my sample is skewed. Straight guys curious about sucking
cock are likelier to write me than they are Abigail “Call
the Cops” Van Buren. A permissive gay male advice columnist
is a better bet for sympathetic cocksucking advice and/or
the Website address of a particularly hot male escorts. (Here
are a few: www.davidinseattle.com, www.dannyjock.com). But
while my sample is skewed, I don’t think the phenomenon of
straight male cock wannabe suckers is as rare as you and other
insecure straight men would like to believe. According to
the authors of Sex In America, a book based on a groundbreaking
sex study conducted by the University of Chicago in the early
1990s, while just 2.8 percent of American men identified as
gay, almost 10 percent of men have had a homosexual experience
after puberty. That means almost 7 percent of the “straight”
men in America have sucked a little cock—and that was back
in 1992, before heteroflexibility came into vogue. By no means
are cocksucking straight guys the majority, ICDPH, but there
would appear to be millions of straight male cocksuckers out
there—and not just wannabes, mind you, but havedones.
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Do
you have any idea what it is about cocksucking that seems
appealing to so many otherwise “straight” guys?
—Help
Us, My Mentor, Explain Random Solicitudes
Heterosexual
men become aroused when researchers show them films of other
men’s hard cocks, HUMMER, which explains why there’s so much
cock in porn produced for straight men. It stands to reason
that a small number of cock-obsessed straight men might let
their obsessions get the better of them and take a walk on
the wild side.
Some
advice for WBCS from a straight guy who was once in shoes:
1) Do it. You’ve probably been told all your life that sucking
someone’s dick makes you gay and that being gay is bad. Ignore
this and do it anyway. 2) Do it safely. Trust me: crabs suck,
and they’re the least of your worries. And don’t do it behind
a significant other’s back. That’s neither safe nor fair.
3) Can’t find a partner? The internet is a bi-curious guy’s
best friend. Online you’re almost guaranteed to meet someone
you wouldn’t normally come into contact with, so discretion
becomes a lot easier. Once you do, make sure to follow rule
no. 2.
—Sucked
A Few Cocks and Lived To Tell About It
Glad
to hear there are so many guys like me out there—essentially
straight men who like to suck cock. My solution to the safe
vs. discrete dilemma was to find married guys like myself
who are looking for the same thing. WBCS should find a man
who likes to get off with a guy a COUPLE times a year and
make him your cocksucking buddy.
—Happily
Married Cocksucker
Thanks
for sharing, HMC & SAFCALTTAI.
I
have been totally confused about where my love life is going.
I consider myself to be gay, but just two weeks ago I met
a girl and it was love at first sight. I have been putting
off asking her out on a “date” because I don’t want to hurt
her to satisfy my curiosity about heterosexual sex. I’m deeply
confused about this. What should I do?
—Gay
and Confused
Hey,
maybe you’re bi. If so, buy yourself some Peruvian drawstring
pants, a beret and a Guatemalan handbag. Once you’re bisexually
attired, sit down and write an angry letter to any snarky
gay advice columnist who dares to perpetuate the myth of bisexual
fashion disasters. Once that’s done, TELL THIS GIRL YOU WANNA
FUCK HER. Share your inner conflict with her (women dig that
inner conflict shit) and see what she says. If she says yes,
FUCK HER, if she says no go find some nice boy to fuck until
you feel like your old faggot-assed self again.
Next week in Savage Love: Letters from red-blooded American
straight boys who wanna fuck women, eat pussy, drink beer
and watch girl-on-girl porn.
mail@savagelove.net
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