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I’m in college and I live with my best friend. He and I tell each other almost everything . . . except he doesn’t know that I’m bi. What complicates things further is that I am completely in love with him. He’s straight and oblivious. Everyone says that you can’t “convert” someone, but . . . I’m wondering if he has bi-curious leanings that he isn’t telling me about. Is there some way I can get him to open up to me without necessarily exposing myself? My worst fear is that I tell him the truth and he ends our friendship and moves out.

—Tried Not to Fall

Let me see if I follow you, TNTF: You want to know if there’s some way to get your roommate—a boy you have a crush on—to tell you he’s bisexual and attracted to you without “exposing” yourself to him, i.e. without telling him that you’re bi. Sorry, chickenshit, there’s really no way to do that. If you want your roommate to “open up” to you (or open up his ass to you), you’re going to have to open up to him and, yes, run the risk of destroying your friendship and losing your roommate. But you know what? If you’re in love with this guy then you should be anxious to tell everything and risk everything. It will be sad, of course, if your roommate reacts badly to your confession and walks out of your life forever . . . but what will you have really lost? Only the friendship of a guy that you don’t really want to have as your friend. You want to be his boyfriend. If he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, TNTF, the sooner he’s out of your life the sooner you’ll get over him.

I am an avid reader of your column in Edmonton, Alberta. I am also a submissive cross-dresser with a domestication fetish. My wife participates in this with me. I am interested in expanding my limits by dressing up and serving a gay couple as their sissymaid. I have run ads on the internet without any luck. Is the idea of having a sissymaid something the average gay couple finds repulsive? If this is something a gay couple might be interested in, how would I go about finding them? Should I go to a local gay bar? If I should, do I go alone and dressed as a dude? Or do I take my wife and go dressed as a sissymaid?

—Sissy the Maid

Since cross-dressing, domestication, forced feminization, and “sissymaids” are fetishes that almost exclusively appeal to kinky straight males, STM, it doesn’t matter if you go to Edmonton’s gay bars dressed like a dude or a sissymaid or the Queen of Canada: You’re going to be going home alone. Most gay men into domination are looking for slave “boys” (age 18 or older), not middle-aged, married sissymaids. You’ll have to find some other way to expand your limits, STM.

I was wondering if there is any advice you can give for wearing wedding bands. My boyfriend and I are bisexual, masculine, and not ready to publicly display our sexual orientation. A few months ago we decided to bind our commitment to one another by purchasing a set of wedding bands. The rings are a plain white gold and look a lot like those sterling silver rings that are quite popular right now. We both normally wear our rings on the right hand, on the finger next to the pinky. Recently my boyfriend was asked about his ring. This person told him that wearing the ring on that particular finger meant you were married to another man. Is this true? Any information that you could give us would really be appreciated.

—Brave Bi Guys

I’m not sure which finger men-who-are- married-to-men are supposed to wear their rings on, BBG, nor do I much care. But I do know this: A male couple that isn’t ready to “publicly display [their] sexual orientation” has no business wearing wedding bands. A couple wears wedding bands in order to make a distinctly public statement about their love and commitment. If you guys aren’t ready to make your relationship public, BBG, then you’re not ready for wedding rings. If you want to wear “secret” rings that no one can see or ask you about, then you should exchange cockrings.

After some searching, I found the O’Reilly Factor archive link to your interview, and the second half of the interview is erased! Right after the drug debate ends, the clip changes to three minutes of test pattern! It’s like the Nixon Watergate tapes! It seems that Mr. O’Reilly is more than a little worried about turning on his radio to hear “Bill O’Reilly Wants to Go to a Gay Bathhouse” (Neptunes Remix). The gauntlet has been thrown down, Mr. Savage. It is your duty to find those missing three minutes, and release them surreptitiously onto the internet for all to see. I beg of you, as a dedicated reader, find that tape!

Dan Fan in the Heartland

Either Bill O’Reilly doesn’t want people to think he wants to go to a gay bathhouse or the folks at FOXNews don’t want DJs all over the world sampling O’Reilly and making “I Want To Go To a Gay Bathhouse!” a dance sensation this winter in Ibiza. Well, it’s too late: I know of three or four DJs who are already hard at work on Bill O’Reilly’s breakthrough dance track. Stay tuned.

Are you fucking crazy?! An 18-year-old with a chance to experience the greatest sex fantasy of all time—sex with his (presumably hot) teacher—asks for your advice and all you tell him is that his teacher might get in trouble? Dan! You should have told Virgin Slave in Michigan to be careful or to wait until after graduation. Or you could have told him how to keep the affair secret—or, fuck, you could have told him to go for it and let his teacher deal with the consequences if the affair goes public! But what did you tell him, Dan? You told him to JUST SAY NO! What’s with the conservative response? Did Bill O’Reilly rub off on you or something?

—Disappointed and Drooling

O’Reilly. Rubbing off on me. Sigh. A boy can dream.

Okay, DAD, you’re right: My advice to VSIM was uncharacteristically conservative . . . so . . . because I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong . . . I’m going to take it back. If you’re out there, VSIM, please disregard the advice I gave you last week. If your teacher will have you (enslave you?), then I say go for it. (DAD here wants to live vicariously through you, you see, and for that reason alone you should be willing to risk your teacher’s career.) And since the idea of following orders turns you on so much, VSIM, make sure your teacher orders you to keep your mouth shut.

Dan Savage’s new book, Skipping Towards Gomorrah (Dutton), is on sale now. (More info at skippingtowardsgomorrah.com.) Send your Savage Love questions to mail@savagelove.net


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