a word of advice from a doctoral student of communications
at an Ivy League university: If you want your message to stick,
you need to repeat it over and over and over. The reactionaries
in our government certainly understand this. We progressives
also need to embrace this strategy to get our message out.
Therefore, if you want the new meaning of the word “santorum”
to stick—that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is
sometimes the by-product of anal sex—you need to make semi-regular
use of it over a long period of time. You have to force
it into popular parlance. If you hold any sway over your fellow
advice columnists, I suggest you ask them to make use of the
word as well. Remember how well “pegging” went over at first?
But by not using it over and over, it faded. Don’t let “santorum”
fade. It certainly doesn’t from the sheets.
for sharing, PP, and perhaps I have been too lax about using
the word “peg” in the column. But I do get letters all the
time from readers who use “peg” to mean “a woman doing a man
in the ass with a strap-on,” and, out of pure defensiveness,
I’ve included one in this column. So I would like to believe
“peg” is taking root out there, even if I’m not forcing “peg”
into every column.
As for “santorum,” clearly buttfuckers everywhere were aching
for a word to describe the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter
that is sometimes the by- product of anal sex. The word is
turning up in letters to Savage Love, of course, but also
in overheard conversations in swanky restaurants and on T-shirts.
(More on both below.) To find out if my fellow advice columnists
would be willing to use “santorum” in their columns, PP, I
contacted two of the advice columnists out there I really
Margo Howard, who pens Dear Prudence, which originated in
Slate and is now widely syndicated, wasn’t up for it.
“Would Prudie mention your interesting ‘frothy mix’ in her
column?” said Howard. “Prudie would not. And she thinks anyone
who would be mixing up such a potion would not be writing
to her in the first place.” Those people, Prudie is too polite
to point out, would be writing letters to me. Carolyn Hax,
who writes the column Tell Me About It, which originates in
the Washington Post, also wasn’t game. “I defer to
Savage Love on frothy sex byproducts, unless it’s the beach
scene in From Here to Eternity,” said Hax. Besides,
“taking the word mainstream would strip it of its cachet.”
So if the new meaning of the “santorum” is going to stick,
PP, it looks like I’ll have to spread “santorum” around all
A buddy of mine and I have been working
on launching an “obnoxious T-shirt” Web site. Since I have
been following the “selecting-a-sex-act-and-naming-it-santorum”
tale with much delight, I thought we could help further the
cause of linking Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania with
lube-and-fecal-matter in the public consciousness by creating
some santorum T-shirts. We have three slogans/designs available
in several colors and many sizes. The shirts are perfect for
bar hopping and dinner with your Republican boss. The website
is www.extraugly.com—the santorum shirts are in the right
Out Of Private Stuff
What do you think of the shirts? And should we send one to
think your T-shirts are delightful, POOPS, and by all means
I think you should send Senator Santorum a T-shirt—preferably
one with an honest-to-God, didn’t-come-off-in-the-wash santorum
stain on it.
I would like to congratulate you on what appears to be a successful
effort to introduce a new word into the English language.
Your recent series of extremely interesting letters and the
contest to find a new use for that useless windbag Santorum
have worked admirably.
Let me explain: I was recently in
a restaurant in New York having dinner with my wife. (The
restaurant in question is Rosewater, and I recommend it if
you happen to be in the Park Slope area of Brooklyn.) While
my wife was using the ladies’ room, I overheard the word “santorum,”
and of course my ears perked up. My neighbors, two women and
a man, were not only discussing your column, Dan, but their
approval of the new meaning of santorum and how useful it
would be for them. All this over Chilean sea bass and smoked
duck! How is Mr. Santorum taking all this?
don’t know how Mr. Santorum is taking all this, Ted, and when
I called his office to inquire—well, let’s just say that Senator
Santorum had no comment. In fact, no one in his office would
even take my call. Which struck me as rude but, hey, I’m not
a constituent. Perhaps a reader who lives in Pennsylvania,
the state Santorum represents, would have better luck contacting
the senator. (You can e-mail Rick at firstname.lastname@example.org,
or reach him by phone at 202-224-6324.) I’ll present anyone
who can get an on-the-record comment from Santorum or his
spokesperson with a case of lube and a selection of santorum
T-shirts from extraugly.com.
I’m a 25-year-old who is into pegging
and think that this characteristic could/should be seen as
attractive by women. The problem is getting this message out.
Call me a slut, but I just want to get as much pegging as
possible and don’t care if it’s a one-night peg or a long-term
peg. If a man were to say he’s up for some pegging to a woman,
what would she say? I think pegging would be very high on
any woman’s list of things to do.
Eager Greedy Male Ends
into pegging are few and far between, PEGME, although they
do tend to be concentrated in urban areas and, as such, are
over-represented among the readers of papers like this one.
Nevertheless, “goodbye” is what most women would say when
asked to peg—aka fuck a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo.
Most will fear that you’re queer, or too kinky for them, or
they may just not be into anal sex, whether they’re backing
up or being backed up on. But you should ask anyway, PEGME.
You’re clearly not going to be satisfied in a relationship
with a woman who isn’t into pegging—so why not scare off the
women who aren’t?
After my wife and I enjoyed a nice
round of anal sex, she became gassy, and, just before bed
she, well . . . she stank up the can, which is usually my
job. She claims that the santorum I left in her ass must have
been the cause. Do you know if there’s any medical validity
to this claim? Or was it something she ate?
Ass Results (in) Terrible Stench
fucked butt isn’t necessarily a stanky butt, FARTS, but depending
on what kind of lube you used, how much you used, and how
much santorum you managed to leave in the wife, well, it’s
entirely possible your wife had a reaction that turned her
into a gassy can-stanker-upper. Or it could have been something
she ate. The only way to finger the culprit—was it the santorum?
the meal?—is to fuck her butt again using the same lube, but
this time on an empty stomach.