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I’m
an 18-year-old senior in high school. I met a girl at a party
one night and we ended up going out for about a month. During
that time we never went further than me fingering her, because
she didn’t want to. We had both had sex before, she with her
boyfriend of eight months (they broke up before we met), and
I with a couple of stoner chicks. I’m pretty into partying;
I always toke up when the opportunity arises. She’s not into
partying at all.
On New Year’s Eve, I went to a party after I dropped her off
at one in the morning, and I got pretty fucked up. In truth,
Dan, I was tripping and I can’t remember half of the night.
I do remember making out with two other girls. I felt awful
and told the girl I had been dating about it. She didn’t dump
me and we continued to date for another week, at which time
she ended it, saying she just didn’t like me anymore. I think
she actually broke up with me because I nearly cheated on
her and she didn’t approve of my party habits, but when I
asked her this she denied it.
Then, a week after we broke up, we were talking in my room
and we started making out and proceeded to have sex. She had
always told me that she couldn’t have sex without love and
that sex was a very emotional thing for her. Afterward I asked
her if she wanted to start dating again and she said no. She
said she doesn’t like me like that, and that she was just
horny. Now she tells me she likes a different guy. Dan, please
tell me, what the fuck is going on?
—Tormented,
Horny & Confused
It’s
like this, THC: This girl, like most of today’s young people,
was probably subjected to “abstinence education,” aka the
sex- negative, sex-phobic moralizing that passes for sex ed
in the United States nowadays. In her abstinence ed classes,
your on-your-dick-again, off-your-dick-again girlfriend was
taught that anyone—but especially any girl—who has sex with
someone to whom she isn’t married, or, failing that, passionately
in love with and committed to marrying ASAP, is a Terrible
Person with Terrible Morals who will contract a number of
Terrible STDs and die a Terrible Death. Girls who’ve fallen
for this line of crap—a small minority, I’m happy to report—can
frequently be overheard saying things like, “I couldn’t have
sex without love…” when they’re being finger-fucked by stoner
boys they’ve been dating for a few weeks.
Are you with me, THC? When your ex- girlfriend/current lay
told you she could only have sex with a man she loved, kiddo,
she was lying—to herself, first and foremost, but also to
you. While you were dating she wanted you to think she was
a Good Person—i.e., the kind of person who could only have
sex with someone she loved. But she’s still young and healthy,
so she’s naturally horny as hell, and there you were, THC,
all glassy-eyed and willing. But she couldn’t fuck you because
you might think she was a Terrible Person. But once you revealed
yourself to be a near-cheater and a bit too much of a stoner
for her tastes—once she dumped your ass—then it no longer
mattered to her what you thought of her. So it’s precisely
because she’s no longer seriously interested in you—i.e.,
precisely because she doesn’t like you anymore—that she was
able to finally give herself permission to fuck your stoned
brains out.
Needless to say, your ex-girlfriend’s behavior was not the
intended outcome of abstinence education. To the Bible thumpers
out there pushing abstinence education, I’d like to say this:
If you continue to sow this bullshit—if you persist in your
attempts to stamp out sexual desire in young people—you will
continue to reap a whirlwind of often hilarious unintended
consequences, from young straight people having casual anal
sex (you can get fucked in the ass and still be a virgin,
right?) to babies stuffed in trash cans at proms.
Back to you, THC: That other guy? The one your ex-girlfriend
is interested in now? While she’s fucking your brains out,
she is—without a doubt, I promise you—telling that boy two
towns over that she couldn’t possibly have sex with someone
she doesn’t really love.
You and your readers have been talking about poo-eating
for a long time now. I would like to offer up an alternative
that I think is kind of neat. Take a standard condom, fill
it with peanut butter, twist the bottom, and insert into your
ass (making sure to not let go). When the moment is right,
untwist the bottom, release, bear down, and POO! Well, okay,
not quite, but it certainly provides an alternative that might
satisfy both the poo-eater and also his bacterially minded
sex partner. Let me know what you think.
—I
Can’t Believe It’s Not Poo
Gee,
ICBINP, I don’t recall discussing poo-eaters recently in Savage
Love, nor have I printed any questions from people looking
to fake their way through a big poo-eating orgy.
I also think your premise is faulty, freako. Those of us who
aren’t interested in the erotic possibilities of crap aren’t
going to leap at the chance to fake shit play. I once gave
a recipe in Savage Love for faux poo for the bacterially minded—mashed
potatoes mixed with a drop or two of butyric acid—but it didn’t
prompt a run on potato futures. For most people, ICBINP, if
it looks like poo and smells like poo, it’s going to be revolting
to handle even if it isn’t poo. Likewise, if it drops out
of someone’s ass, looks like poo, has the consistency of poo,
and is roughly the color of poo (or one of the colors poo
comes in), most right-thinking people will be revolted, even
if it’s peanut butter. But thanks for sharing.
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Hubby’s Ho might want to snatch a page from my book. My
husband, like hers, loves being humiliated, and is especially
turned on by the idea of being “forced” to eat some other
man’s come out of my pussy. Playing the part, I ride him,
telling how I just got fucked by one of his buddies, giving
him a blow-by-blow account of the action. But there was no
action—I’m making it all up. Telling my husband he’ll soon
be licking up the mess that his buddy left in me never fails
to get him off. Then I get to have multiple orgasms as he
eats every drop of his “buddy’s” come out of me. It’s fun,
Dan, and it’s also safe and effective and I even get off on
playing the tramp.
—Good
to the Last Drop
Thanks
for sharing, GTTLD.
Confidential to folks who aren’t sick of the santorum subject:
Did you laugh your ass off when they cut to Sen. Santorum
during the gay-bashing section of Bush’s State of the Union
speech? Did you catch the first mention, however vague, of
our santorum campaign in a major newspaper—and not just any
paper, but The New York Times? Read all about these
developments at www.spreadingsantorum.com.
mail@savagelove.net
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