am a Middle Eastern guy who lived 21 years of my life in that
region. This year I came to Canada. The sexual freedom in
this country makes you feel more and more inclined to have
sex with a girlfriend. Lately, I met this girl on an Internet
chat. She said she has a crush on me, and offered to come
and visit me in Canada, stay at a hotel, and have sex with
me. We masturbated together a couple of times during chats
but now that she is getting serious about coming to Canada,
I am starting to worry:
1. About the chances of getting HIV even if I use a condom.
2. About a sense of guilt for fucking a girl I barely know
just because I am horny.
3. Because she is married and I am scared to put myself in
Do you think I should sleep with her if she comes, or cancel
Alluring Until Disease Intervenes
odd, SAUDI. I’ve been to Canada dozens of times and the sexual
freedom up there has never made me feel inclined to have sex
with a girlfriend. But my experience/cheap shot is neither
here nor there, so I’ll just get to your questions/statements:
1. A man’s chances of getting HIV from a woman during vaginal
intercourse while using a condom are slim to nonexistent.
There are a few other STDs you could get even while using
a condom—syphilis, herpes, HPV, and more—but if you use a
condom correctly your odds of catching even these STDs are
2. Let go of the guilt, SAUDI. I have it on good authority
that in Canada men routinely fuck women with whom they’re
less acquainted than you are with this young lady. You’ve
invested time chatting with this woman and you’ve masturbated
with her online—by Canadian standards, you’re a gentleman.
3. Not all married Canadian women make monogamous commitments
to their husbands, SAUDI, and some Canadian husbands actually
get off on the idea or the reality of their wives doing other
guys. (Some American husbands do too—I have a file full of
e-mail from them.) But even if this woman is a lowdown, dirty
cheater, it’s not your job to police her adherence to her
marriage vows. Unlike the country you left behind, there are
no morals police in the part of North America where you live.
(In the part of North America where I live, on the other hand,
the morals police are running the place.)
4. You didn’t have a number four, so this is bonus advice:
Not everyone who meets and masturbates with strangers online
tells the truth about themselves. For all you know, SAUDI,
this woman could be a liar, a psycho, a man, a mullah, or
all of the above. Proceed with caution.
been running a lot of piss-related questions lately, and I
need some advice. I’m in a long-term relationship with my
partner; we’ve been together for almost nine years. I’m extremely
kinky and he’s not, and we have some difficulties meeting
each other’s needs. One thing we both used to get a lot of
pleasure from was when he’d drink my piss. It was something
fun we could share regularly, he loved it, and I really enjoyed
the kinky aspect. Coming home after a long commute and unloading
an aching bladder down his throat was definitely a win/win
for both of us, and had been something we’d been doing for
Then my partner developed gout. Gout is an arthritis-like
disease where uric acid forms crystals in the cartilage of
your joints, which get painfully inflamed and swollen. Sometimes
it will even flare up all by itself, or after drinking alcohol.
He’s been hobbled by it for weeks at a time, needing crutches
just to get around. And he’s only 29!
Ever since he was diagnosed, we’ve been terrified to make
a bad situation worse, and have stopped the piss drinking
entirely. Urine contains a lot of uric acid (of course) and
I worry that it is partly my fault that he developed gout!
Since you’ve been extolling the safety of piss drinking, and
potentially tempting your readers to try it for themselves,
is there any chance that it could cause or exacerbate gout?
I’ve looked online for medical information, but I’ve never
seen anything about this at all.
We are both totally bummed that one of the few kinks we could
share and enjoy has been taken away from us. Is there anything
we can do? Is even a little additional uric acid in his diet
going to make his gout worse? Please ask your doctor friend
before anyone else winds up with this chronic disease!
Our Urine Sharing End?
afraid the urine sharing must end.
But before we get to my doctor friend’s advice, MOUSE, I have
a bone to pick with you: I have not been “extolling the safety
of piss drinking.” I have not gone out of my way to promote
the practice, or to popularize it. My recent controversial
mention of the practice merely pointed out that compared to
eating shit, getting into piss—splashing it over your skin
or sipping from the source—is very nearly harmless. I certainly
didn’t encourage people to drink large quantities of piss
or to take up the practice. Like all other sexual practices,
drinking piss carries some degree of risk—and one of the risks,
as it turns out, may very well be gout.
one really knows what causes gout,” says my doctor friend,
Barak Gaster of the University of Washington’s Department
of Medicine. “The higher that uric acid levels are in the
blood, the higher the chance that someone will have gout,
but we don’t really understand why one person with a slightly
high uric acid level gets gout but another with the same slightly
elevated uric acid level does not.” Doctors believe that there
must be some genetic factor because gout is much more common
in men than women, MOUSE, so you may not be entirely to blame.
It’s possible that your boyfriend would have developed gout
even if he wasn’t drinking your stanky piss. Still, all that
piss couldn’t have helped. “People who have had a gout attack
can reduce their chances of future attacks by lowering their
uric acid levels,” says Barak, “by taking medications and
avoiding triggers.” Such as? “Common triggers are alcohol
and dehydration or eating large quantities of meat such as
liver.” And? “Drinking large amounts of urine also could bring
on an attack. Since urine is made up of stuff the body wants
to get rid of, drinking very large quantities could be bad
for you and should definitely be avoided in people who have
the hell happened to santorum? I have been anxiously awaiting
updates to www.spreadingsantorum.com but the last letters
were posted in June! Please don’t forget about us santorum
lovers, Dan! We miss the frothy mix!
been lax about updating www.spreadingsantorum.com, Allie,
because it was just too much work for little ol’ me. Still,
with the actual Santorum—Senator Rick, not that frothy mix—gearing
up to run for Senate Majority Whip (and inspiring all the
obvious double entendres), perhaps it’s time to get the site
going again. But you know what I need, people? I need help!
If there’s someone out there who’s Web savvy, hates Santorum
as much as I do, and wants to take charge of the site, I would
love to hear from you.