Log In Register

Party of One

by Evie on October 2, 2014 · 1 comment

 

Last night it happened in less than 30 seconds. I quickly made my way to setting No. 4 (my favorite) and reflected back on some bedroom fun—that’s all it took. Sage says it usually takes her about five to 10 minutes; Fran says about five; Patti says less than three; Deirdre says the same; Celia also says within a few minutes. Normally, it’s a few minutes for me as well. Last night was a special occasion.

My friends and I have very different tastes, so it’s not surprising that our preferred techniques when it comes to diddling ourselves vary as well. Sage, Patti, and I prefer vibrators. Deirdre, Fran, and Celia like to take matters into their own hands. Celia’s fist go-to technique was what she refers to as “scrumping,” which is the simple act of humping a pillow. She says that this wasn’t too effective, but she didn’t really know what else to do in her young age. When she gave up on the pillow, she began to use her hands. While she now owns both vibrators and dildos, she prefers to use her hands and masturbate “the old-fashioned way.”

I’m lazy, so I always turn to my battery-operated friend. It’s a devastating thing, though, when those batteries die out and you forgot to pick some up at CVS (even though you wrote yourself a note). This happens to me a lot, unfortunately. And yes, I’ve searched the house in the middle of the night for loose AAAs and stolen them from the TV remote. I can assure you that this wasn’t my lowest point. No, that had to be when I’d clearly worn out my welcome with a purple bullet. Somehow, the wires were fraying and one was sticking straight out of my little gadget. I twisted those wires, bent them, tried to spark them together, just to get the slightest pulse. It was pathetic. After about 20 minutes, fearing I might zap an area not meant to be zapped, I told myself to pull it together, give it up, and go to sleep. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses.

What gets you going varies from person to person. I don’t watch porn; I rely on memories. Fran doesn’t watch porn either. Celia says it depends on her mood. “Watching porn takes a lot of setup and dedication. You need to get your computer, find a decent video, wait for it to buffer, etc. It’s a whole production. Sometimes you don’t need all that.”

Patti says she always uses porn. While her imagination can and will work, it’s nowhere near as quick or satisfying for her. Deirdre doesn’t think she’d be able to get off by relying solely on her imagination: “I absolutely have to use porn.” Sage, on the other hand, says her mind is completely blank when she masturbates. She just focuses on what she’s doing to herself.

I started polishing the pearl in college. I had admitted to my roommates at a party that I had never used a vibrator. They insisted I didn’t know what I was missing and took me to a sex shop. I’ve never looked back. Patti started using her hands around age 10, but switched to toys around 15. Celia says she realized she had a clit at age 8. She noticed it felt different when she touched it, but says it was more of a “bathtub exploration” than masturbation. She says she first started “seriously” masturbating when she was in sixth grade. Deirdre says it was sixth grade for her, too. She says the catalyst was American Pie. She admits she thought masturbating just meant “jamming” her fingers up there, so her technique has changed significantly since then. Fran says she masturbated to climax at 19; prior to this she touched herself, but couldn’t achieve orgasm. It wasn’t until she became sexually active that she could get herself off by masturbating.

Most of my friends laugh when I tell them the latest topic I’ll be exploring. This one in particular—female masturbation—seemed to really strike them. I’m grateful, though, that a few of them still agreed to give me some input. The idea came to me after meeting with Angie Wheeler, the owner of Expressions Adult Boutique in Troy. We talked at length about toys and masturbation. Angie’s background is in psychology and anthropology, but says she’s been studying sex for most of her life, in one way or another. Her face seems to light up when she talks about these things; she really appears to be in her element. She says she’ll talk about this with everybody and anybody.

I asked Angie what she felt was the reason female masturbation was so taboo. Why is it that men openly talk about jerking off, but women tend to feel it’s not ladylike for them to talk about rubbing one out? A bigger issue: Why are a lot of women afraid of talking about their sexuality? Angie believes it’s because the female orgasm is a topic that has been ignored for a very long time. Sad, but true.

Angie and I talked about the misconceptions surrounding female masturbation. The first, she says, is simply that women don’t do it, which obviously is not true. In fact, in 1953, 62 percent of women admitted to masturbating. In 1979, that number jumped to 74 percent. Today, 90 percent of women admit to pleasuring themselves, and two-thirds admit to masturbating at least three times a week.

Another big misconception is that masturbating, or specifically using a vibrator, will make you desensitized to your partner. Angie asks, “Why should women have to have mediocre sex because we don’t want to make guys feel bad?” She continues, “Vibrators are not replacements for a partner; they are tools.” The more you masturbate, the more likely you are to orgasm during sex. You actually become more sensitized—goes along with the old mantra, “Practice makes perfect.” Masturbation can improve your sex life. Knowing more about your body and what gets you off can help break down sexual barriers in relationships. The more you know about yourself, the more you’ll get out of sex.

I’m sure you’re getting it by now—I’m a huge masturbation advocate. Why wouldn’t I be? There are several health benefits to flicking the bean. Women who masturbate regularly report relief from menstrual cramps and improved symptoms of PMS. In addition, it’s one of the most effective stress relievers. It can enhance your mood, improve your sleep, reduce pain, and help you relax.

Gordon G. Gallup Jr., an evolutionary psychologist and professor at the University at Albany, says that using a vibrator not only increases the likelihood of female orgasm, but enhances the intensity of the orgasm as well. He adds that not only does regular masturbation lead to a more satisfying sex life for many females, but early sexual experiences are often associated with a higher incidence of orgasm and greater sexual satisfaction as well.

Angie gets a wide variety of people in her store; ages run across the board. The majority, she says, have little to no experience with toys. They ask her what she recommends; she asks what exactly they’re looking for. She usually suggests that a woman start off with something small, like a bullet, as opposed to something intimidating, like the rabbit.

Sometimes mothers bring in daughters to buy their first toy. They want their daughter’s first trip to a sex store to be a positive one and to show them that it’s not something to be ashamed of. Angie feels women should be encouraged from a young age to masturbate. She thinks a woman should have a sex toy as early as possible (though you have to be 18 to legally buy one). Women should learn early on that sex isn’t just about pleasing a man. You don’t need to get attention from anyone else; you can give it to yourself.

My friends and I were all about 16 when we took our first trips to the gynecologist. What’s a little strange is that I don’t remember my visit, but I remember Sage’s. She told us that her doctor asked the nurse to hold a small mirror in between her legs so Sage could see all of her lady bits. The doctor felt it was important for Sage to know exactly what was going on down there. It’s my worry that a lot of women still don’t know exactly what’s going on down there. And they’re afraid to find out.

This isn’t an advice column per se, but it’s my strong suggestion that women who aren’t already doing so learn about what she has and what she can do with it. Figure out what’s going on down there—touch, explore. Let yourself go. Learn about your body; learn about yourself. We all deserve mind-blowing orgasms. And besides, all I’m talking about here is something proven to be good for both mind and body. Don’t you think it’s at least worth a try?

As my friend Fran says, “There ain’t no shame in masturbation.”

Evie is a writer, bartender, and graduate student who lives in Albany and wants to know more about your sex life. Contact her at betweenthesheetswithevie@gmail.com.

 

 

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Mademoiselle October 4, 2014 at 2:36 pm

Wow this is a very nice post, thanks for sharing information. I discovered O when I was 12 and I started to use vibe at 18 and now I have diff kinds of vibe even dildo and ben wa balls. I have rabbit vibrator, finger vibe, hitachi wand and a silicone vibe. One of my favorite is the Wild G-Spot Vibrator, it’s really amazing specially on clitoris stimulation! I bought it online at adameve.com , been using this vibe for a couple of months now and it’s simply awesome! Plus I got it with lots of freebies like free gifts, totally hot and sexy DVDs, free shipping (love this offer very discreet) and the best part…50% off easy savings for me.And if anyone wants to purchase this vibe or any kind of adult toys in adam and eve, don’t forget to use PROMO50 coupon code at the checkout so you can get the freebies and the discount, and also note that the free shipping offer is available within US only ;) Goodluck and enjoy!

Reply

Leave a Comment


2 + two =